I have a lot on my mind and I am just trying to sort through it all. I need to concentrate on getting through this practice for my job, but I get distracted by what is going on in my life. I need some direction so I can set it all aside and focus in the now.
I think this transcription will go well if I can acually get started. I am trying to find a routine and schedule that works for Guy and I. I look forward to being able to take an occasional day off and having more money so I can enjoy life more fully.
I feel like I need to go to the temple, today if I can. I feel like I need and deserve some answers.
X has been sending me pictures of homes for rent and asking me my thoughts on them. He says he wants to provide a place for Guy and I to live. He also has high hopes of getting back together with me and living in the home with us. I asked him what he would do if we don't get back together, and he didn't seem too concerned. He seems pretty confident that we will. I am pretty confident, otherwise.
Looking at homes makes my heart pitter patter, though. I long to have a little home of my own to decorate and put all my stuff away in, to clean and to invite friends over to visit, not that I have any friends to come visit me, but one can dream. Like everything else, I cannot count on it, so I do better not to think about it. I don't want to be living in a bird cage, with my ex as my owner.
I was going to allow him to watch Guy for me on a regular basis, on the three days in a row that he has off, and allow Guy to stay there with him, but after mentioning it to my parents, and realizing their disapproval, it may cause more contention that I am up for.
I will be attending the YA ward in my stake next Sunday. I think I have my hopes pretty high for that. It will take quite a while to get to know the people in the ward. I was just barely getting to know some people in the YA ward in Cali after attending for a year.
I would also really like to go to more dance exchanges and workshops. I had such a great time in SF. There is an exchange in Sacramento at the end of the month, I am hoping I can get away, but I think it may be a bit too soon after starting a new job. I doubt I will be paid by then and my paychecks from American Crafts rarely last longer than a week. I must promise myself never to to go so long without dancing again, for my own sanity. I hope I can fit some tap class into my schedule, once I can afford it. There is so much that I want to do, and I just feel like my obligations and limited income prevent me from doing it all. I'm sure every one feels that way at times, I just hope that things change for me soon.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
The Gift/Curse of Love
Why does love feel like a curse? I seem to notice a trend that when I come in contact with a man, espcially when we touch, they are able to sense an energy of love from me. I find that they want to love me back and return some of the love I have given them. They want to care for me and please me and see me smile. This makes me happy and I want to allow them to care for me, but I have to refrain. The more I give them the more they want and at some point I have to say no, as much as I would like to truly love and be loved. For one reason or another I know in my heart they are not the one for me. I am not allowed to just hand over the whole pie to them, instead I just cut out little slices and give them away. It hurts to have to deny them more and to deny myself their love. They also leave frustrated because they long to love me and be loved by me, too.
I hope that one day soon I will be able to hand over my whole heart to the right man. I do not enjoy breaking hearts. Perhaps I should lock myself away in a tower until my Prince comes along.
I hope that one day soon I will be able to hand over my whole heart to the right man. I do not enjoy breaking hearts. Perhaps I should lock myself away in a tower until my Prince comes along.
Tangled up in Blues
FRIDAY FEBRUARY 24th
Paul was there to greet us at the airport. My heart fluttered when I saw him. Like a gentleman, he helped carry some of the things in my arms. He introduced himself to Guy. While we were waiting to pick up our luggage, Guy and Paul walked over to look at the roosters and chickens and the dog that had come off another plane.
I was feeling at ease finally, but I still had a dredded phone call to make to my parents to tell them that Guy and I wouldn't be coming home tonight.
We stopped in at the hotel via shuttel and met Liia. We all had a long ride ahead of us. We had to go down to San Jose to change out the rental car, then head up to Sacramento to drop off Guy.
When we got near Sacramento I called my friend to confirm that she could watch Guy for me. She wasn't home from work yet and wouldn't be until 8. I panicked a little, but worked it out that her parents were willing to watch him for me. We met up with them at a restaurant where they were having dinner. The father took Guy out to his truck to meet their dog. Guy made an instant friend. He hardly noticed that I was leaving. That was a relief to see that he was having a good time.
We stopped at I Love Teriyaki before we got back on the freeway for SF. I tried to get in touch with my parents, but I couldn't get through to the house line and my mother wasn't answering her cell phone, so I had no choice but to leave a message. They got the message late that night and left a message for me Saturday morning, as my cell phone batterie had died. They had a few questions for me, but they seemed to take it surprisingly well. They even wished me a good time.
We went straight to the dance at Broadway Studios from there. They were just finishing up the last lesson when we got there. Paul and I danced a couple times together then we started asking other people to dance. I did my usuall thing and asked some random people to dance. After a couple bad guesses I started paying attention to the better dancers on the floor to ask later. There were a few tango dancers there and I tried to fake it, but I know it wasn't impressive to step on their toes. Too bad we weren't all wearing name tags that said "Blues Dancer", "Tango Dancer", Tango and Blues Dancer".
I ran into a few people from Sacramento. Sid, who is responsible for peaking my interest and introducing me to Blues dancing, was there. I asked him to dance. It had been a long time and not much blues dancing in between the last time I danced with him, but I could tell I was already catching on more than before.
I also saw Darrek at the dance. He was teaching one or more of the workshops that weekend. I busted out with some tap dancing durring our dance together. He seemed to appreciate it.
I love the improvisations.
I would dance as many songs as I could find a decent or even an indecent partner to dance with. Actually, I reserved the indecency for when I was dancing with Paul.
That dance ended at around 1 am then followed with an after hours blues party in a dance studio near Market street. What an awakening that was to me. I was loving dancing with so many smooth dancers and learning each of their styles and leads.
One kid I asked to dance and he would improv. the whole thing. He pulled a move on me where my feet were off the ground and they made a circle in the air, I must have come down before he led me into the back dip to the floor in front of the croud behind me that oooed and aaaahed. I told him, "I didn't know I could dance like that." (which, it was more him than me.) He said he had never done that before. I was blown away. Later I saw him practicing some classic jazz type moves alone in front of the mirror. It was all making sense now.
At one point I found Paul sitting in a chair in the corner. I came over to see if he was ok. He shared with me that he came to the realization in the middle of the last dance that the two of us could never be together. It brought him to tears, so he decided to sit that dance out. I expressed my sympathy and that I share his sadness. He just needed a moment to work it through.
Later, I was about to dance with the jazz dancer again when Paul asked to cut in. He made some comment about paying him a dollar for me. I pretended to be insulted that I was only worth a dollar to him and started to walk off with the jazz dancer instead. Then Paul stepped in and they had a competition over me. We danced in a threesome for a bit, then the two of them went off together, only to race back to me. Paul and I finished the dance together. The dancing went on until after 4 am before they had to end.
At one point, we thought that Liia might stay some where else that night because she was felling a bit like a third wheel after the days events and having been drug around all afternoon running our errands. I guess she got over it because she came back to the room with us, which I am thankful for because that would have left Paul and I alone in the room together. That would have been bad, very, very bad.
SATURDAY
I woke up at around noon on Saturday and found that I had four new voice mail messages. One from each of my parents, one from the Primary leader and one from X. X decided to tell me taht he had been pondering a few things and made the decision to go back to church and also that he would like to get back together with me! I could not deal with it at the time. I left him a message saying that I would call him when I get back in town. What next?
The three of us got ready and had breakfast at a little diner we came across.
We knew we wanted to go to China town next. Liia called up one of the local blues dancers to get some direction on where a good place to park would be. He met up with us near High street and gave us a walking tour of his neighborhood. We stopped at the Art Institute, and he pointed out some homes and views of interest for us. On our way to China Town, through Little Italy, we discovered that there was a Blues band setting up to play shortly at The Saloon. We decided to stop in again on our way back from China Town.
Liia and Brent stood in line at a pastery shop for 20 minutes to get a hot, fresh custard and Paul and I browsed a few of the shops where he got some pajamas for his daughter and I found a new blouse for myself and a set of action figures for Guy.
I figured I may need a bribe to get my son to come home with me after hearing that my friend's parents didn't want to give him up to my other friend who agreed to watch him on Saturday. They were all just having too good of a time together. It was a relief to know that he was doing so well.
We went into The Saloon to get a taste of some local Musical talent. Ron Hacker, I think was the name of the singer. When we came in he was reminiscing of the days when he played with the greats, like BB King and several others he named. They played some real dancable tunes that I danced with Paul to first. Then we switched partners and I danced with Brent. Paul and I danced to one last, extreemely long and some what fast song. That was some great music and dancing! What a random treat it was to stumble upon that while we were there for a blues workshop and with four blues dancers.
Our stomaches were telling us it was time to eat again so we went for some pizza by the slice near where we parked. It was some of the best pizza I have had in a long time, though I could barely eat half of the slice. Brent, the Lawyer/ballet dancer/rollerblader/blues&Lindy Dancer had plans to see a ballet with a professional dancer friend of his, so he had to cut out.
The three of us took a detour by the beach so Liia could stick her toes in the water.
We went back to the hotel before we started over to Berkeley for the after-workshop dance. After a short while they began a blues competition. They started with about 15 couples, then narrowed it down to about 8, with open dancing in between.
I made my rounds on the dance floor, especially to dance with any one that was not at either of the other two venues, plus some of the people I enjoyed dancing with that I recognized from Friday. I was wanting to dance with one of the other instructors who Liia mentioned that she liked dancing with. When I asked him to dance, he said,"What, are they letting 17 year olds in here now?" Ha, I said. "You are off by about ten years. I am only 7."
"Wait, how old are you?" he asked.
"No, I'm kidding, I'm 28."
He was a good dancer, but he let me do all the work. Mostly he would just hold me out away from him with both hands while I got all funky to the music. He was smiling, so I guess he was enjoying it. When it was over he said,"Very nice, and even old enough to dance."
"Pcha!" I don't look that young. Who does he think he is? I thought I was past that.
They had the finalists for the competition come back and dance a few more songs. There was some amazing dancing going on. They were all so very animated and they infused so many different styles and moves. They really played with the music, too.
I was wishing that I had a regular partner that I could feel comfortable with to try new stunts and dance with so expressively with. I feel like Paul and I have a good connection and I defenantly feel comfortable with him, but I also feel like I am still learning about Blues dancing, that he might feel limited in what we could do together. Not that I couldn't improve or have that with some one in time, but I was just dreaming.
I ran out of people I wanted to dance with, so I took a break on the bench. I got comfortable there enough that I fell asleep for the last half hour of the dance. I think I danced one last dance with Paul before they kicked us out at 4 am.
SUNDAY
Paul and I had to leave by 10 am to drive over to Sacramento to pick up Guy. We had some good chats about raising kids, life after death, his visits with his granparents before they died, and why the two of us met.
When we got to my friend's parents' house, I found Guy lounging in the recliner in Richard's arms. He didn't even move when he saw me come in. They looked like old buddies lying there together. I had to convince him that we needed to go. He claimed that he didn't want to go on the plane ride, either. So, I told him I had a surprise for him in the car. He was pretty much extatic about the super heros. I think it broke Richard's heart to see him go, though.
My friend drove over to see us, but we couldn't stay long because we had to get back to catch our flight.
I was pretty quiet on the way back, just trying to put the pieces together from the last few months of conflicting answers and the wave of emotions.
Paul walked us through the airport and escorted us up to the Crown Room away from the hustle and bustle of the terminals. He has a way of making me feel so special. It might seem like a small guesture, but he is always so respectfull and considerate. He made it a wonderful weekend for me. I didn't know how to thank him for all that he had done for me. What he wanted, I couldn't give him, and he was even a good sport about that. I knew my time with him was short, so I just wanted to take him in for our time left. He had to leave to catch his flight from San Jose. We were allowed to continue waiting in the Crown room until boarding time drew closer.
Guy slept on the plane the whole way back. I even got a few winks, myself.
Paul was there to greet us at the airport. My heart fluttered when I saw him. Like a gentleman, he helped carry some of the things in my arms. He introduced himself to Guy. While we were waiting to pick up our luggage, Guy and Paul walked over to look at the roosters and chickens and the dog that had come off another plane.
I was feeling at ease finally, but I still had a dredded phone call to make to my parents to tell them that Guy and I wouldn't be coming home tonight.
We stopped in at the hotel via shuttel and met Liia. We all had a long ride ahead of us. We had to go down to San Jose to change out the rental car, then head up to Sacramento to drop off Guy.
When we got near Sacramento I called my friend to confirm that she could watch Guy for me. She wasn't home from work yet and wouldn't be until 8. I panicked a little, but worked it out that her parents were willing to watch him for me. We met up with them at a restaurant where they were having dinner. The father took Guy out to his truck to meet their dog. Guy made an instant friend. He hardly noticed that I was leaving. That was a relief to see that he was having a good time.
We stopped at I Love Teriyaki before we got back on the freeway for SF. I tried to get in touch with my parents, but I couldn't get through to the house line and my mother wasn't answering her cell phone, so I had no choice but to leave a message. They got the message late that night and left a message for me Saturday morning, as my cell phone batterie had died. They had a few questions for me, but they seemed to take it surprisingly well. They even wished me a good time.
We went straight to the dance at Broadway Studios from there. They were just finishing up the last lesson when we got there. Paul and I danced a couple times together then we started asking other people to dance. I did my usuall thing and asked some random people to dance. After a couple bad guesses I started paying attention to the better dancers on the floor to ask later. There were a few tango dancers there and I tried to fake it, but I know it wasn't impressive to step on their toes. Too bad we weren't all wearing name tags that said "Blues Dancer", "Tango Dancer", Tango and Blues Dancer".
I ran into a few people from Sacramento. Sid, who is responsible for peaking my interest and introducing me to Blues dancing, was there. I asked him to dance. It had been a long time and not much blues dancing in between the last time I danced with him, but I could tell I was already catching on more than before.
I also saw Darrek at the dance. He was teaching one or more of the workshops that weekend. I busted out with some tap dancing durring our dance together. He seemed to appreciate it.
I love the improvisations.
I would dance as many songs as I could find a decent or even an indecent partner to dance with. Actually, I reserved the indecency for when I was dancing with Paul.
That dance ended at around 1 am then followed with an after hours blues party in a dance studio near Market street. What an awakening that was to me. I was loving dancing with so many smooth dancers and learning each of their styles and leads.
One kid I asked to dance and he would improv. the whole thing. He pulled a move on me where my feet were off the ground and they made a circle in the air, I must have come down before he led me into the back dip to the floor in front of the croud behind me that oooed and aaaahed. I told him, "I didn't know I could dance like that." (which, it was more him than me.) He said he had never done that before. I was blown away. Later I saw him practicing some classic jazz type moves alone in front of the mirror. It was all making sense now.
At one point I found Paul sitting in a chair in the corner. I came over to see if he was ok. He shared with me that he came to the realization in the middle of the last dance that the two of us could never be together. It brought him to tears, so he decided to sit that dance out. I expressed my sympathy and that I share his sadness. He just needed a moment to work it through.
Later, I was about to dance with the jazz dancer again when Paul asked to cut in. He made some comment about paying him a dollar for me. I pretended to be insulted that I was only worth a dollar to him and started to walk off with the jazz dancer instead. Then Paul stepped in and they had a competition over me. We danced in a threesome for a bit, then the two of them went off together, only to race back to me. Paul and I finished the dance together. The dancing went on until after 4 am before they had to end.
At one point, we thought that Liia might stay some where else that night because she was felling a bit like a third wheel after the days events and having been drug around all afternoon running our errands. I guess she got over it because she came back to the room with us, which I am thankful for because that would have left Paul and I alone in the room together. That would have been bad, very, very bad.
SATURDAY
I woke up at around noon on Saturday and found that I had four new voice mail messages. One from each of my parents, one from the Primary leader and one from X. X decided to tell me taht he had been pondering a few things and made the decision to go back to church and also that he would like to get back together with me! I could not deal with it at the time. I left him a message saying that I would call him when I get back in town. What next?
The three of us got ready and had breakfast at a little diner we came across.
We knew we wanted to go to China town next. Liia called up one of the local blues dancers to get some direction on where a good place to park would be. He met up with us near High street and gave us a walking tour of his neighborhood. We stopped at the Art Institute, and he pointed out some homes and views of interest for us. On our way to China Town, through Little Italy, we discovered that there was a Blues band setting up to play shortly at The Saloon. We decided to stop in again on our way back from China Town.
Liia and Brent stood in line at a pastery shop for 20 minutes to get a hot, fresh custard and Paul and I browsed a few of the shops where he got some pajamas for his daughter and I found a new blouse for myself and a set of action figures for Guy.
I figured I may need a bribe to get my son to come home with me after hearing that my friend's parents didn't want to give him up to my other friend who agreed to watch him on Saturday. They were all just having too good of a time together. It was a relief to know that he was doing so well.
We went into The Saloon to get a taste of some local Musical talent. Ron Hacker, I think was the name of the singer. When we came in he was reminiscing of the days when he played with the greats, like BB King and several others he named. They played some real dancable tunes that I danced with Paul to first. Then we switched partners and I danced with Brent. Paul and I danced to one last, extreemely long and some what fast song. That was some great music and dancing! What a random treat it was to stumble upon that while we were there for a blues workshop and with four blues dancers.
Our stomaches were telling us it was time to eat again so we went for some pizza by the slice near where we parked. It was some of the best pizza I have had in a long time, though I could barely eat half of the slice. Brent, the Lawyer/ballet dancer/rollerblader/blues&Lindy Dancer had plans to see a ballet with a professional dancer friend of his, so he had to cut out.
The three of us took a detour by the beach so Liia could stick her toes in the water.
We went back to the hotel before we started over to Berkeley for the after-workshop dance. After a short while they began a blues competition. They started with about 15 couples, then narrowed it down to about 8, with open dancing in between.
I made my rounds on the dance floor, especially to dance with any one that was not at either of the other two venues, plus some of the people I enjoyed dancing with that I recognized from Friday. I was wanting to dance with one of the other instructors who Liia mentioned that she liked dancing with. When I asked him to dance, he said,"What, are they letting 17 year olds in here now?" Ha, I said. "You are off by about ten years. I am only 7."
"Wait, how old are you?" he asked.
"No, I'm kidding, I'm 28."
He was a good dancer, but he let me do all the work. Mostly he would just hold me out away from him with both hands while I got all funky to the music. He was smiling, so I guess he was enjoying it. When it was over he said,"Very nice, and even old enough to dance."
"Pcha!" I don't look that young. Who does he think he is? I thought I was past that.
They had the finalists for the competition come back and dance a few more songs. There was some amazing dancing going on. They were all so very animated and they infused so many different styles and moves. They really played with the music, too.
I was wishing that I had a regular partner that I could feel comfortable with to try new stunts and dance with so expressively with. I feel like Paul and I have a good connection and I defenantly feel comfortable with him, but I also feel like I am still learning about Blues dancing, that he might feel limited in what we could do together. Not that I couldn't improve or have that with some one in time, but I was just dreaming.
I ran out of people I wanted to dance with, so I took a break on the bench. I got comfortable there enough that I fell asleep for the last half hour of the dance. I think I danced one last dance with Paul before they kicked us out at 4 am.
SUNDAY
Paul and I had to leave by 10 am to drive over to Sacramento to pick up Guy. We had some good chats about raising kids, life after death, his visits with his granparents before they died, and why the two of us met.
When we got to my friend's parents' house, I found Guy lounging in the recliner in Richard's arms. He didn't even move when he saw me come in. They looked like old buddies lying there together. I had to convince him that we needed to go. He claimed that he didn't want to go on the plane ride, either. So, I told him I had a surprise for him in the car. He was pretty much extatic about the super heros. I think it broke Richard's heart to see him go, though.
My friend drove over to see us, but we couldn't stay long because we had to get back to catch our flight.
I was pretty quiet on the way back, just trying to put the pieces together from the last few months of conflicting answers and the wave of emotions.
Paul walked us through the airport and escorted us up to the Crown Room away from the hustle and bustle of the terminals. He has a way of making me feel so special. It might seem like a small guesture, but he is always so respectfull and considerate. He made it a wonderful weekend for me. I didn't know how to thank him for all that he had done for me. What he wanted, I couldn't give him, and he was even a good sport about that. I knew my time with him was short, so I just wanted to take him in for our time left. He had to leave to catch his flight from San Jose. We were allowed to continue waiting in the Crown room until boarding time drew closer.
Guy slept on the plane the whole way back. I even got a few winks, myself.
The Great Escape
I asked my parents if I could bribe them to watch Guy for me while I went away for the weekend with some guy from out of town that I have been out with only a couple times and they have not met or even seen a picture of and who is not a member and is going to pay for my flight so we can go dancing all night long in another state.
For some reason they didn't go for it. Paul had already bought my plane ticket. I was upset at first, and then I started thinking of ways I could sneak away. I could just leave Guy with them without them knowing and call them later and they would have to watch him. Then I had a better idea to have some one else watch him for me. I thought I would call on X to watch him since he owes me a life time of favors anyway. He had offerred before to watch him, but I wasn't comfortable with that yet, so now was a good opportunity.
I made arangements to meet with him at his place to talk over the possibility. I wanted to see where he lived and find out if Guy would be comfortable there. It was strange to be in his place and see things that I recognized. I felt easy, yet I remained concervative. Some of the emotions came flooding back to me. Mostly pleasant ones though.
He was willing to watch Guy for me for the weekend, but he just took on a new job that started a few days before I would be leaving. He suggested that maybe his girlfriend might be willing to watch him on the nights that he had to work. He would get back to me after he talked to her about it.
When it was time to go, Guy didn't want to leave. He was having a good time checking out all his funky knick knacks.
It turned out that he and his girlfriend broke up that same night. He found out that she had been planning on cheating on him if not already. She also accused him of still being in love with me. I asked him if there was any validity in that. He admitted that there was. Although he had not persued it, he realized that he was still in love with me and he longs for the good memories that we once had.
So, now here we are, both single and available again with no boyfriends or girlfriends to get jealous each time we met up. Not that there was anything to be jealous of. We had a good chat on the phone, but now I needed to find another sitter for Guy for the weekend. I could think of some friends in Cali that would watch him for me, but I didn't feel comfortable handing him over to any one I knew in Utah. So what does Paul do? He books a flight for Guy too! We figured we could drive to Sacramento to drop Guy off and head back to SF, then pick him up before we leave again.
I got busy and started calling around to my friends in Sacramento. I struck out a few times and I was getting kind of discouraged. I finally had it arranged where one friend would keep him Friday night through Saturday afternoon, and another friend would keep him Saturday afternoon to Sunday afternoon.
So, things were working out, allowing me to go. I had the primary Sharing time presentation all prepared for some one else to pick up and present for me (which I stayed up late finishing Thursday night. I didn't have a sub, but I brought the ward and primary list with me to make some calls.) I had the suitcases all packed and in the trunk, I had the day off of work, two plane tickets, my drivers licence (I made sure it was in my wallet as I was packing the night before), some friends in Sacramento to watch Guy for me, and one handsome, generous man to show me a good time in SF, oh yeah and a chaperone, too.
How did grandma and grandpa feel about all this? Well, they didn't know until Friday night when they got my voice mail telling them that we are in Sacramento and that we won't be coming home for a couple days. I was afraid to tell them I was still planning to go, for fear that they might take drastic measures to stop me, like take away my car keys or anything else they could think to do. So, I kept it a secret until we were already there.
I had a little bit of a break down in the airport parking lot when I made a double check on my license and I couldn't find it in my wallet. I panicked and started searching around when I looked again and found that I just put it in a different slot that I normally keep it. Phew!
My adrenaline had been rushing all that night and into the morning. I felt like I was back in High School again and sneaking out and feeling a little suspicious and paranoid. I could finally relax a little once we got on the plane.
I got some earphones so we could listen to some music. Blondie was playing and Guy and I shared the head set so we could rock out. Then I let Guy listen and I looked over later and he was playing air guitar, nodding his head and making the "Magnum" look on his face.
For some reason they didn't go for it. Paul had already bought my plane ticket. I was upset at first, and then I started thinking of ways I could sneak away. I could just leave Guy with them without them knowing and call them later and they would have to watch him. Then I had a better idea to have some one else watch him for me. I thought I would call on X to watch him since he owes me a life time of favors anyway. He had offerred before to watch him, but I wasn't comfortable with that yet, so now was a good opportunity.
I made arangements to meet with him at his place to talk over the possibility. I wanted to see where he lived and find out if Guy would be comfortable there. It was strange to be in his place and see things that I recognized. I felt easy, yet I remained concervative. Some of the emotions came flooding back to me. Mostly pleasant ones though.
He was willing to watch Guy for me for the weekend, but he just took on a new job that started a few days before I would be leaving. He suggested that maybe his girlfriend might be willing to watch him on the nights that he had to work. He would get back to me after he talked to her about it.
When it was time to go, Guy didn't want to leave. He was having a good time checking out all his funky knick knacks.
It turned out that he and his girlfriend broke up that same night. He found out that she had been planning on cheating on him if not already. She also accused him of still being in love with me. I asked him if there was any validity in that. He admitted that there was. Although he had not persued it, he realized that he was still in love with me and he longs for the good memories that we once had.
So, now here we are, both single and available again with no boyfriends or girlfriends to get jealous each time we met up. Not that there was anything to be jealous of. We had a good chat on the phone, but now I needed to find another sitter for Guy for the weekend. I could think of some friends in Cali that would watch him for me, but I didn't feel comfortable handing him over to any one I knew in Utah. So what does Paul do? He books a flight for Guy too! We figured we could drive to Sacramento to drop Guy off and head back to SF, then pick him up before we leave again.
I got busy and started calling around to my friends in Sacramento. I struck out a few times and I was getting kind of discouraged. I finally had it arranged where one friend would keep him Friday night through Saturday afternoon, and another friend would keep him Saturday afternoon to Sunday afternoon.
So, things were working out, allowing me to go. I had the primary Sharing time presentation all prepared for some one else to pick up and present for me (which I stayed up late finishing Thursday night. I didn't have a sub, but I brought the ward and primary list with me to make some calls.) I had the suitcases all packed and in the trunk, I had the day off of work, two plane tickets, my drivers licence (I made sure it was in my wallet as I was packing the night before), some friends in Sacramento to watch Guy for me, and one handsome, generous man to show me a good time in SF, oh yeah and a chaperone, too.
How did grandma and grandpa feel about all this? Well, they didn't know until Friday night when they got my voice mail telling them that we are in Sacramento and that we won't be coming home for a couple days. I was afraid to tell them I was still planning to go, for fear that they might take drastic measures to stop me, like take away my car keys or anything else they could think to do. So, I kept it a secret until we were already there.
I had a little bit of a break down in the airport parking lot when I made a double check on my license and I couldn't find it in my wallet. I panicked and started searching around when I looked again and found that I just put it in a different slot that I normally keep it. Phew!
My adrenaline had been rushing all that night and into the morning. I felt like I was back in High School again and sneaking out and feeling a little suspicious and paranoid. I could finally relax a little once we got on the plane.
I got some earphones so we could listen to some music. Blondie was playing and Guy and I shared the head set so we could rock out. Then I let Guy listen and I looked over later and he was playing air guitar, nodding his head and making the "Magnum" look on his face.
So Long, Farewell
Well, I finally put in my notice at my reception job so that I can start working from home doing the medical terminology. I was kind of draggin my feet about it because I really enjoyed working there and I know they liked having me there too. They were also short a morning receptionist, so I had been filling in for the mornings and the afternoons. This meant that they would have to hire two new receptionists to replace me.
I had to ask for Friday off to go to San Francisco and I wasn't sure if they would find some one before then or not. I found out on Thrusday that they did indeed find two people that they hired and that that was my last day working there.
I was told by a lot of people how much I would be missed. One person told me that I am the best receptionist *ever*. It felt good to be appreciated. Such a contrast to when I was working for eRepublic.
The CEO of the company even sent me an email saying this:
[Trixie],
Thank you for the great job you did here. You are always friendly, helpful, and professional. I wish you the best in your future endeavors.
Jeff
I had to ask for Friday off to go to San Francisco and I wasn't sure if they would find some one before then or not. I found out on Thrusday that they did indeed find two people that they hired and that that was my last day working there.
I was told by a lot of people how much I would be missed. One person told me that I am the best receptionist *ever*. It felt good to be appreciated. Such a contrast to when I was working for eRepublic.
The CEO of the company even sent me an email saying this:
[Trixie],
Thank you for the great job you did here. You are always friendly, helpful, and professional. I wish you the best in your future endeavors.
Jeff
A Messy Fracture
Frank was continueing to call me at work. I very much disliked when he would call me there because I have not choice but to answer the phone. I don't have any one to screne my calls for me. He was still very hurt about our breaking up and he kept trying to get me to explain myself to him. I didn't like having to repeat myself when it was very difficult for me to explain in the first place. He would tell me that I couldn't hurt his feelings any more than I have, but truthfully I could have. I was very careful to let him down easy. I know he was fragile and I didn't want him to think that he had done something wrong, because he hadn't.
I tried to be patient with him and allowed him some time to come to terms with it all. When he would call me he would go around in circles while I would just sit there and listen to him and occasionally say, "OK, I don't know, maybe, I don't know, not right now..." And I am supposed to be chipper and answer the phone in between and deal with people walking through the lobby, etc. I would tell him I need to go, and he would ask for just another minute, and tell me something that I already knew or ask me something he knew I didn't know.
I really felt like hanging up on him a few times. One time we were disconnected and he assumed I had hung up, so he called me right back. Finally, he kept me on the phone for nearly 20 minutes while I was at some one else's desk. He was asking if we could could continue to date each other again. I had already told him that I didn't want to. It just seems strange to me when I go on a first date with some guy one night, then go out with my former fiance the other night. It would be too confusing to me and to the people that I date. I strongly believed that we needed a break. I finally had to get very stern about it on the phone with him.
He asked me to call him later that night but I did not. After not hearing from him for a week, I began to be a little concerned. I felt that I should call him to make sure he is ok. I also thought that I might stop by to install some software on his computer that I had been meaning to do prior to the break up.
I guess it was a bad idea to call him. It got all his hopes up again and he started running around in his circles again with me on the phone. I didn't have time to stop by and I stopped answering his phone calls to my cell. The next morning I had three VM messages and two emails. They went from, "It was great to hear from you again, I know you still care, I'm sorry for what I said...to.... I need some closure and I would really like to have my ring back from you, you are not all that anyway and you are selfish and you don't really care."
Before I could even read the emails he was calling me at work again. Three times he called me! I told him that I could not bring the ring to him tonight because I have plans and that the ring itself does not make it over. He wanted to give the ring to the teen age girl from the Sudan so her family could pawn it. He realized later that he was just asking for it out of spite and to hurt me. The last few times he called were to apologize for what he had said and told me that I can keep the ring.
I told him not to call me for a week. In a week we will check in with eachother and see if anything has changed. He seemed to be satisfied with that and I have not heard from him since. Aparently he has removed my number from his phone.
He was looking forward to dating this other girl that contacted him about the same time I did initially from the dating site. I hope things go well with them.
I tried to be patient with him and allowed him some time to come to terms with it all. When he would call me he would go around in circles while I would just sit there and listen to him and occasionally say, "OK, I don't know, maybe, I don't know, not right now..." And I am supposed to be chipper and answer the phone in between and deal with people walking through the lobby, etc. I would tell him I need to go, and he would ask for just another minute, and tell me something that I already knew or ask me something he knew I didn't know.
I really felt like hanging up on him a few times. One time we were disconnected and he assumed I had hung up, so he called me right back. Finally, he kept me on the phone for nearly 20 minutes while I was at some one else's desk. He was asking if we could could continue to date each other again. I had already told him that I didn't want to. It just seems strange to me when I go on a first date with some guy one night, then go out with my former fiance the other night. It would be too confusing to me and to the people that I date. I strongly believed that we needed a break. I finally had to get very stern about it on the phone with him.
He asked me to call him later that night but I did not. After not hearing from him for a week, I began to be a little concerned. I felt that I should call him to make sure he is ok. I also thought that I might stop by to install some software on his computer that I had been meaning to do prior to the break up.
I guess it was a bad idea to call him. It got all his hopes up again and he started running around in his circles again with me on the phone. I didn't have time to stop by and I stopped answering his phone calls to my cell. The next morning I had three VM messages and two emails. They went from, "It was great to hear from you again, I know you still care, I'm sorry for what I said...to.... I need some closure and I would really like to have my ring back from you, you are not all that anyway and you are selfish and you don't really care."
Before I could even read the emails he was calling me at work again. Three times he called me! I told him that I could not bring the ring to him tonight because I have plans and that the ring itself does not make it over. He wanted to give the ring to the teen age girl from the Sudan so her family could pawn it. He realized later that he was just asking for it out of spite and to hurt me. The last few times he called were to apologize for what he had said and told me that I can keep the ring.
I told him not to call me for a week. In a week we will check in with eachother and see if anything has changed. He seemed to be satisfied with that and I have not heard from him since. Aparently he has removed my number from his phone.
He was looking forward to dating this other girl that contacted him about the same time I did initially from the dating site. I hope things go well with them.
The Forbidden Pool
Paul and I began chatting online while we were at work. We would tease each other and share about ourselves and talk about our dreams and goals. It seemed that our goals were merging to the same. We wanted to be with each other.
We shared our religious beliefs and he mentioned that he downloaded the Book of Mormon. I was surprised yet again. I think this gave me false hope of him being interested in the church. He just wanted to know for his own curiosity, but with no intention of truly finding out if it might be true. I realized that his satisfied with his belief system and has no intention of changing. I could not dare to ask him to either. I cannot make that decision for another person.
I realized all this in the midst of making plans with him to go to San Francisco for the Tangoed up in Blues Workshop happening the following weekend. How could I say no to that? or to him? I ask you.
I was also realizing that he is every thing I could want in a companion/husband/father......if only he were Mormon! Besides that minor detail, he has come closer than any one else I have met.
He rerouted one of his flights for work with a layover in Salt Lake one Sunday afternoon. He had to beg them to put him on the waiting list because it was a full flight. He was able to get on the last seat on the plane.
I met him in SL and we went to dinner at the Olive Garden. They were playing some old time jazz and swing over the speakers. Just after our dinner came, "I get a kick out of You" came on. We both had the urge to dance to it, so we did. We stood up out of our chairs and danced right there in the restaurant through the whole song.
We had some time before he had to get back to the airport, but not enought to actually *do* anything, so we sat in the park and wait lot of the airport and did some smooching to fog up the windows so the cars next to us coudn't see in. It was like a drive in movie, although there was no movie playing, we wouldn't have watched it anyway.
I dropped him of at the terminal and I headed back to PG when I got a call from him telling me that his flight had been delayed for two more hours. I turned around and drove back to see him for a while longer.
I was hard enough to say good bye the last time, now we would have to say it all over again. We found a place a little more private. Did I mention that he gives the best massages?
We tried to think about where our relationship will go from here. I told him that if we got married I would always be wishing and hoping that he would join the church, and I don't want to live that way or put that pressure on him, although with that aside I think we would be very happy together. I imagined myself at the edge of a pool on a summer day with a strong desire to just JUMP in and be surrounded by the refreshing water. But an invisible force keeps me on the edge.
He was amazed at himslef at how quickly he has fallen for me. He wondered if it was the same for me and if I have ever fallen so fast before. I told him that yes, I probably have fallen this quickly before and it's because I have a lot of love to give, and no one to give it all to, so I fall in and out of love quickly and easily.
It was time once again for me to drop him off. As he was getting out of the car, he stopped my breath when he told me that he loves me. He said he does not fall in love so easily, but he has with me. I found it a little harder to admit that I love him too, but I confessed to him that I do, too. Then I cried on the way home wondering what I have done and what I am to do.
We shared our religious beliefs and he mentioned that he downloaded the Book of Mormon. I was surprised yet again. I think this gave me false hope of him being interested in the church. He just wanted to know for his own curiosity, but with no intention of truly finding out if it might be true. I realized that his satisfied with his belief system and has no intention of changing. I could not dare to ask him to either. I cannot make that decision for another person.
I realized all this in the midst of making plans with him to go to San Francisco for the Tangoed up in Blues Workshop happening the following weekend. How could I say no to that? or to him? I ask you.
I was also realizing that he is every thing I could want in a companion/husband/father......if only he were Mormon! Besides that minor detail, he has come closer than any one else I have met.
He rerouted one of his flights for work with a layover in Salt Lake one Sunday afternoon. He had to beg them to put him on the waiting list because it was a full flight. He was able to get on the last seat on the plane.
I met him in SL and we went to dinner at the Olive Garden. They were playing some old time jazz and swing over the speakers. Just after our dinner came, "I get a kick out of You" came on. We both had the urge to dance to it, so we did. We stood up out of our chairs and danced right there in the restaurant through the whole song.
We had some time before he had to get back to the airport, but not enought to actually *do* anything, so we sat in the park and wait lot of the airport and did some smooching to fog up the windows so the cars next to us coudn't see in. It was like a drive in movie, although there was no movie playing, we wouldn't have watched it anyway.
I dropped him of at the terminal and I headed back to PG when I got a call from him telling me that his flight had been delayed for two more hours. I turned around and drove back to see him for a while longer.
I was hard enough to say good bye the last time, now we would have to say it all over again. We found a place a little more private. Did I mention that he gives the best massages?
We tried to think about where our relationship will go from here. I told him that if we got married I would always be wishing and hoping that he would join the church, and I don't want to live that way or put that pressure on him, although with that aside I think we would be very happy together. I imagined myself at the edge of a pool on a summer day with a strong desire to just JUMP in and be surrounded by the refreshing water. But an invisible force keeps me on the edge.
He was amazed at himslef at how quickly he has fallen for me. He wondered if it was the same for me and if I have ever fallen so fast before. I told him that yes, I probably have fallen this quickly before and it's because I have a lot of love to give, and no one to give it all to, so I fall in and out of love quickly and easily.
It was time once again for me to drop him off. As he was getting out of the car, he stopped my breath when he told me that he loves me. He said he does not fall in love so easily, but he has with me. I found it a little harder to admit that I love him too, but I confessed to him that I do, too. Then I cried on the way home wondering what I have done and what I am to do.
The Emerging Valentine
Paul gave me a call at work on Valentine's day too. He had just enough time to drive down to my neighborhood before he had to drive back to Salt Lake again to catch his flight. He wanted to see me again before he left.
I was surprised that he would take the time to do that just to see me for 25 minutes. I hurried off work to meet up with him. We met in a parking lot and just soaked up each other's affection. It was light and easy. It was strange to see him in the sun light and I noticed features about him that were hidden in the dim lights of the night before. I wanted to just look at him and learn about him.
He invited me to come to Austin to visit him there. I liked the idea, but I was unsure of how it could possibly work with Guy and my parents, etc. He offered to pay for my flight with his frequent flyer miles. I was again surprised at his generous offer and I knew I could never make it if I had to afford the flight myself. I tried not to get too settled on the idea, yet it sounded so tempting.
We didn't talk about much, it was almost like we were sunbathing under one another's gaze. The time was short because he had to catch a flight and I needed to pick up Guy. I went my way and he went his. I could feel myself starting to fall for him. I knew I liked him, but I was still holding back knowing that being with him would have eternal consequences. It still didn't stop my heart from aching for him.
I was surprised that he would take the time to do that just to see me for 25 minutes. I hurried off work to meet up with him. We met in a parking lot and just soaked up each other's affection. It was light and easy. It was strange to see him in the sun light and I noticed features about him that were hidden in the dim lights of the night before. I wanted to just look at him and learn about him.
He invited me to come to Austin to visit him there. I liked the idea, but I was unsure of how it could possibly work with Guy and my parents, etc. He offered to pay for my flight with his frequent flyer miles. I was again surprised at his generous offer and I knew I could never make it if I had to afford the flight myself. I tried not to get too settled on the idea, yet it sounded so tempting.
We didn't talk about much, it was almost like we were sunbathing under one another's gaze. The time was short because he had to catch a flight and I needed to pick up Guy. I went my way and he went his. I could feel myself starting to fall for him. I knew I liked him, but I was still holding back knowing that being with him would have eternal consequences. It still didn't stop my heart from aching for him.
The One Sided Valentine
Valentine's Day has never produced any memories of romance for me. It doesn't seem to be a good time of year for love for me. I think the topper was a few years ago when I broke up with my X on that very day.
This year, I called off my engagement just a week prior to V Day. So, naturally I did not have any great expectations for this Valentine's day either. I guess Frank had some thing else in mind though. He was still not ready to let go. He was still fighting for me love and trying to win me back. He knew that it wouldn't be that day or next week or even next month that I would be ready, but he still had hopes for the not too distant future.
At work people's sweet hearts were coming in and out carying a balloon and a card or getting roses sent to them or going out to lunch with their honey bunns. Well Frank called me up to tell me that he is coming by because he has something for me for Valentine's Day. Later in the afternoon he shows up at my work with 8 red, heart foil 'I Love You' balloons, a dozen white, pink and red roses, and a bag full of goodies at the end of the balloons. In the bag was a card, (In Spanish, mind you because they were all out of English ones). On top was a mini strawberry cheese cake, (that I ate half of at work). Under that were several jewlery boxes. The first had a long string turquise necklace. Another box had a matching turquise bracelet. Then another opal bracelet. And the last box had a pink CTR ring that happens to fit my ring finger.
It was all much too much. I didn't feel comfortable accepting all of it, but I didn't want to be rude. He was smoothering me and telling me how he wants to marry me some day and going on, and trying to kiss me, but I held back a little. He said he knows he can't buy my love.....but...he sure was trying.
After he left I got all kinds of Oooohhs and Aaahhs from those that walked by my desk. "Wow, is all that for you?, oh my gosh and those too?!" I just sat there emberrased and wanted to hide. To some I had to explain that, yes we really did break up and no I'm not leading him on.
Uh huh..
This year, I called off my engagement just a week prior to V Day. So, naturally I did not have any great expectations for this Valentine's day either. I guess Frank had some thing else in mind though. He was still not ready to let go. He was still fighting for me love and trying to win me back. He knew that it wouldn't be that day or next week or even next month that I would be ready, but he still had hopes for the not too distant future.
At work people's sweet hearts were coming in and out carying a balloon and a card or getting roses sent to them or going out to lunch with their honey bunns. Well Frank called me up to tell me that he is coming by because he has something for me for Valentine's Day. Later in the afternoon he shows up at my work with 8 red, heart foil 'I Love You' balloons, a dozen white, pink and red roses, and a bag full of goodies at the end of the balloons. In the bag was a card, (In Spanish, mind you because they were all out of English ones). On top was a mini strawberry cheese cake, (that I ate half of at work). Under that were several jewlery boxes. The first had a long string turquise necklace. Another box had a matching turquise bracelet. Then another opal bracelet. And the last box had a pink CTR ring that happens to fit my ring finger.
It was all much too much. I didn't feel comfortable accepting all of it, but I didn't want to be rude. He was smoothering me and telling me how he wants to marry me some day and going on, and trying to kiss me, but I held back a little. He said he knows he can't buy my love.....but...he sure was trying.
After he left I got all kinds of Oooohhs and Aaahhs from those that walked by my desk. "Wow, is all that for you?, oh my gosh and those too?!" I just sat there emberrased and wanted to hide. To some I had to explain that, yes we really did break up and no I'm not leading him on.
Uh huh..
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
The Queen of Blues
I checked in with the Swing Forum after I broke up with Frank to become reaquainted with the current swing venues. There was a post from an out of towner looking for a place to dance while he was in town for one night. He suggested either swing or Blues. I took some time to look into what the city had to offer that night. It was the 13th of February that he would be in town, the night before Valentine's Day and it seemed that most of the clubs were saving themsleves for the next night, but I did manage to find a regular blues band that plays on Mondays at the Zanzibar. I had never heard of the band, nor had I been to the club so I really didn't know what it had to offer, but I threw it out there to see if he or anyone else was interested.
So, he takes me up on the suggestion and it turned out that we were the only ones up for it. It became a date between the two of us and he even offered to take me out ot dinner before. I didn't know whether or not he was a Mormon and expected that he wasn't. It didn't concern me because he would only be here for one night and he lives in freakin' Austin, Texas and we were just two people who wanted to go dancing.
He is a Vegetarian, so he asked about a vegetarian restaurant. I found several restaurants online, but finding one that was open on a monday after 6pm was the challenge. There were a few to choose from, but the first one we met at had changed names and was closed, so I hopped in his car (while I was getting my purse from my car, I realized that I didn't have my drivers license with me. I had pulled my old stunt again and left it in my coat pocket from the dance the previous weekend) and we searched for the next one on my list, only to discover that it too had closed already. Then it occured to me that the Olive Garden would be open and I know they have vegetarian dishes.
We both had the eggplant parmegane. We talked about religion, and how we got into dancing. I told him I was kind of new to Blues dancing. I took one very basic lesson last summer and I got a taste of it from some of the guys that I knew how to dance it, but I let him know partly as a warning because I really didn't know what level I was at, so I didn't want him to be disappointed.
After dinner he was cool enought to drive down to my house so I could get my ID so we can go dancing as planned. In the car we discussed ex-spouces and shared some crazy things we have done. The time I went skinny dipping is what I usually think of first.
We found Zanzibar quite easily. I was this little whole in the wall with a tiny stage and dance floor and some table and chairs set up in front of the bar. There were a handfull of people there diggin the band, none of which were dancing though. We sat through the rest of the song that was playing then he ( I give him the name Paul, after an old crush I had in college the he reminds me of), Paul asked if I wanted to dance.
I was immediately comfortable with dancing with him, which is important in Blues because the dancing is done so closely. He is a very smooth and easy lead. I loved how he payed such close attention to the changes in the music and lead accordingly. The band and the audience seemed to enjoy watching us. We only had two songs before the band took a break. When we sat down after the second song he sarcastically (60/40) asked me,"Will you marry me?" We both chuckled. I guess I was doing ok out there. I told him I wasn't sure how I would do because it had been a while and didn't have much experience at it. He assured me that he would dance Blues with me any time. He brought up the point that if we were to tell the other people there watching us dance that we had never danced together before or even met before tonight that they wouldn't believe us.
While sitting together he asked what I want to be when I grow up life goals, like my owning a costume shop. He shared some stories of when he worked in the wardrope department at his High School. He even admitted that he can sew!..and that he has been mistaken for being gay, but he assured me that he isn't.
He felt the impulse to give me a neck massage and I wasn't about to refuse. He is so gentle and acurate about the massage that I was melting like butter. Now I was really loosened up for dancing again when the band came back to play.
We were falling in love on the dance floor and in front of an audience. We sat one out for the guest singer. There was a magnetic pull between the tops of our heads as we sat together closely. Then the pull rotated to our faces and settled on our lips. It seemed natural that we should kiss and we did. It was a little reserved because of the setting, so it left me wanting for more. We had a few more fabulous dances before we left.
He drove me back to my car. We lingered to enjoyed each other's company and affection for a while longer, durring which time I tried to explain to him why 'we' could never be because I want to marry some one in the temple so that it will last forever, but I think all he heard was, "I can't marry you because you are not Mormon."
(By the title I am not implying that I am the queen of blues dancers, but the queen of having the blues over always having to break up with my dates.)
So, he takes me up on the suggestion and it turned out that we were the only ones up for it. It became a date between the two of us and he even offered to take me out ot dinner before. I didn't know whether or not he was a Mormon and expected that he wasn't. It didn't concern me because he would only be here for one night and he lives in freakin' Austin, Texas and we were just two people who wanted to go dancing.
He is a Vegetarian, so he asked about a vegetarian restaurant. I found several restaurants online, but finding one that was open on a monday after 6pm was the challenge. There were a few to choose from, but the first one we met at had changed names and was closed, so I hopped in his car (while I was getting my purse from my car, I realized that I didn't have my drivers license with me. I had pulled my old stunt again and left it in my coat pocket from the dance the previous weekend) and we searched for the next one on my list, only to discover that it too had closed already. Then it occured to me that the Olive Garden would be open and I know they have vegetarian dishes.
We both had the eggplant parmegane. We talked about religion, and how we got into dancing. I told him I was kind of new to Blues dancing. I took one very basic lesson last summer and I got a taste of it from some of the guys that I knew how to dance it, but I let him know partly as a warning because I really didn't know what level I was at, so I didn't want him to be disappointed.
After dinner he was cool enought to drive down to my house so I could get my ID so we can go dancing as planned. In the car we discussed ex-spouces and shared some crazy things we have done. The time I went skinny dipping is what I usually think of first.
We found Zanzibar quite easily. I was this little whole in the wall with a tiny stage and dance floor and some table and chairs set up in front of the bar. There were a handfull of people there diggin the band, none of which were dancing though. We sat through the rest of the song that was playing then he ( I give him the name Paul, after an old crush I had in college the he reminds me of), Paul asked if I wanted to dance.
I was immediately comfortable with dancing with him, which is important in Blues because the dancing is done so closely. He is a very smooth and easy lead. I loved how he payed such close attention to the changes in the music and lead accordingly. The band and the audience seemed to enjoy watching us. We only had two songs before the band took a break. When we sat down after the second song he sarcastically (60/40) asked me,"Will you marry me?" We both chuckled. I guess I was doing ok out there. I told him I wasn't sure how I would do because it had been a while and didn't have much experience at it. He assured me that he would dance Blues with me any time. He brought up the point that if we were to tell the other people there watching us dance that we had never danced together before or even met before tonight that they wouldn't believe us.
While sitting together he asked what I want to be when I grow up life goals, like my owning a costume shop. He shared some stories of when he worked in the wardrope department at his High School. He even admitted that he can sew!..and that he has been mistaken for being gay, but he assured me that he isn't.
He felt the impulse to give me a neck massage and I wasn't about to refuse. He is so gentle and acurate about the massage that I was melting like butter. Now I was really loosened up for dancing again when the band came back to play.
We were falling in love on the dance floor and in front of an audience. We sat one out for the guest singer. There was a magnetic pull between the tops of our heads as we sat together closely. Then the pull rotated to our faces and settled on our lips. It seemed natural that we should kiss and we did. It was a little reserved because of the setting, so it left me wanting for more. We had a few more fabulous dances before we left.
He drove me back to my car. We lingered to enjoyed each other's company and affection for a while longer, durring which time I tried to explain to him why 'we' could never be because I want to marry some one in the temple so that it will last forever, but I think all he heard was, "I can't marry you because you are not Mormon."
(By the title I am not implying that I am the queen of blues dancers, but the queen of having the blues over always having to break up with my dates.)
Thursday, February 16, 2006
BYU Swing Dance
Saturday night, I went to the BYU Swing dance. I was invited several other places, including the performance of Lame O's friend (who was not a Lame'O) from Detroit at Borders. I needed some swing dancing.
It was strange to be in that ballroom again. I think the last time I had been there was with X and he pulled some crazy karate move on me or something that either hurt me or made me look like a fool. I got upset and left the floor in the middle of the dance. We left immediatly after that.
I found some babyfaced kid to dance with and as we were walking onto the dance floor, I heard someone calling my name. It was some one from my old Ward in Citrus Heights. He and his sister were at the dance. After the song was over we caught eachother up on where our lives and our families are at now. They knew about my divorce, not sure how, but I suppose news like that travels fast. Sweet kids.
OK, so in all the kids there are still 5 years younger than me, except for the one non-mormon BYU coach that I already fell for and dusted my feet of. I had a good time anyway. They are in such their own little click. They rarely go outside their comfort zone to ask a girl to dance. I noticed though, that the guys rarely have to ask a girl to dance because the girls all race to get to the guy they want to dance with before another girl does.
Overall, it was pretty good. I did more asking and sitting on the stage than I would have liked to, but I'm glad I went, even if I did give up three other invitations for dates. Phewy.
I like swing at the MAC better. There are some other places to go. We'll see how they compare.
It was strange to be in that ballroom again. I think the last time I had been there was with X and he pulled some crazy karate move on me or something that either hurt me or made me look like a fool. I got upset and left the floor in the middle of the dance. We left immediatly after that.
I found some babyfaced kid to dance with and as we were walking onto the dance floor, I heard someone calling my name. It was some one from my old Ward in Citrus Heights. He and his sister were at the dance. After the song was over we caught eachother up on where our lives and our families are at now. They knew about my divorce, not sure how, but I suppose news like that travels fast. Sweet kids.
OK, so in all the kids there are still 5 years younger than me, except for the one non-mormon BYU coach that I already fell for and dusted my feet of. I had a good time anyway. They are in such their own little click. They rarely go outside their comfort zone to ask a girl to dance. I noticed though, that the guys rarely have to ask a girl to dance because the girls all race to get to the guy they want to dance with before another girl does.
Overall, it was pretty good. I did more asking and sitting on the stage than I would have liked to, but I'm glad I went, even if I did give up three other invitations for dates. Phewy.
I like swing at the MAC better. There are some other places to go. We'll see how they compare.
My First Night Out After Being Ungaged
I promised myself that I would Dance or Die!, the weekend after I broke it off with Frank. This kid I met from an online service, called me up to invite me to a dance happening at Trolly Square. On my way there I realized as I listened to the ad on the radio that it was an LDS Promise dance. I wasn't sure just how promising it would be.
I wore my tight little jeans with the pink kitty on the rear, a pink shirt and my white rabbit fur coat that I bought recently at a thrift store. I was considering selling it on ebay because it's a little small, but I think I changed my mind. The dance turned out to be not so bad. I think my coat got me noticed. I danced with four different guys and gave out my number to two of them. Both wanted to take me out salsa dancing. One of them owns a used car lot. He has some sweet rides of his own. The one guy that actually caught my eye, left before I got to meet him. I saw him watching me dance but I think he was turned off by what he may have thought was competition.
I danced the last fast dance with the kid that invited me. He is a R&B musician from England. He used to be a professional dancer, but he suffers from Arthritis now. He asked me for a ride home. We took a detour by way of Dee's. The guy is 40 years old, does not have a car, and works temp jobs. I paid for his steak dinner. He acted hungry, but admitted he did not have the cash, so I told him to order whatever he wanted. He promised to make it up to me and take me out to dinner another time. ie: I can drive up to Salt Lake and pick him up in my car so we can go out to dinner at Arctic Circle so he can buy me a burger. I just had hot chocolate.
No, you can bet I won't be going out with him anymore. I wonder if he would give me the number to his friend who just moved to PG from Denver, that I met at the dance?
I wore my tight little jeans with the pink kitty on the rear, a pink shirt and my white rabbit fur coat that I bought recently at a thrift store. I was considering selling it on ebay because it's a little small, but I think I changed my mind. The dance turned out to be not so bad. I think my coat got me noticed. I danced with four different guys and gave out my number to two of them. Both wanted to take me out salsa dancing. One of them owns a used car lot. He has some sweet rides of his own. The one guy that actually caught my eye, left before I got to meet him. I saw him watching me dance but I think he was turned off by what he may have thought was competition.
I danced the last fast dance with the kid that invited me. He is a R&B musician from England. He used to be a professional dancer, but he suffers from Arthritis now. He asked me for a ride home. We took a detour by way of Dee's. The guy is 40 years old, does not have a car, and works temp jobs. I paid for his steak dinner. He acted hungry, but admitted he did not have the cash, so I told him to order whatever he wanted. He promised to make it up to me and take me out to dinner another time. ie: I can drive up to Salt Lake and pick him up in my car so we can go out to dinner at Arctic Circle so he can buy me a burger. I just had hot chocolate.
No, you can bet I won't be going out with him anymore. I wonder if he would give me the number to his friend who just moved to PG from Denver, that I met at the dance?
The Wrestling no Match
I signed back up on the LDS dating web site. There are so ver many more people on there. They must get 100 new people a day. I was innondated with smiles and cards, emails and pm's within the first few days. It was difficult to respond to all of them, so I choose not to respond to some, others got a thanks, but no thanks. Then there were a few older men that seemed like possiblities, they hit me up for a night out of dancing.
The first date I made was with this student from UVSC. I was hesitant when I found out that it was my pictures with my arms raised and centered on my chest that got his attention. And here I thought it was because of all the charming things I said in my profile, that they would want me for my personality.? Huh, I guess I was giving men too much credit.
So, Skippy got very creative on where we should go for our date. It was agreed that it needed to be in public place so that he would not be tempted to find out what was under that yellow sweater. Of all places, he took me to Highschool Wrestling! I busted out laughing when he told me where we were going. I thought he was kidding. No, he wasn't. The McKay Center was having a HS Wrestling championship for three days. We stayed for maybe 40 minutes, about 40 minutes longer than I cared to stay. I pretended to be interested. I didn't have a clue about the rules, so he was filling me in.
We stopped in at Krispy Kream to have some hot chocolate and a donut after. I got the impression that he was ready to call it a night, then he asked about what happened with my ex-husband and I tried to make the very long story brief. We talked about live music for a while.
Then he said what I was thinking, "Well, it's almost 10:00, shall we call it a night?"
The first date I made was with this student from UVSC. I was hesitant when I found out that it was my pictures with my arms raised and centered on my chest that got his attention. And here I thought it was because of all the charming things I said in my profile, that they would want me for my personality.? Huh, I guess I was giving men too much credit.
So, Skippy got very creative on where we should go for our date. It was agreed that it needed to be in public place so that he would not be tempted to find out what was under that yellow sweater. Of all places, he took me to Highschool Wrestling! I busted out laughing when he told me where we were going. I thought he was kidding. No, he wasn't. The McKay Center was having a HS Wrestling championship for three days. We stayed for maybe 40 minutes, about 40 minutes longer than I cared to stay. I pretended to be interested. I didn't have a clue about the rules, so he was filling me in.
We stopped in at Krispy Kream to have some hot chocolate and a donut after. I got the impression that he was ready to call it a night, then he asked about what happened with my ex-husband and I tried to make the very long story brief. We talked about live music for a while.
Then he said what I was thinking, "Well, it's almost 10:00, shall we call it a night?"
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
What's behind Door #46?
I need to write in the present for a while, because it is what is happening in my life right now that I long to express.
Friday night, January 27th after dropping (ok, I am now referring to Frankenstein as Frank to save me a few letters to type) Frank off at his brother's house, I got the impression that I needed to go to the Temple. I had good intentions to, several times, but I felt an urgency about it this time. The following Thrusday I was able to make arangements with my mother for her to watch Guy for me while I went.
I was seeking an answer regarding whether or not I should marry Frank. I still could not feel 100% sure about it. While in the temple, I imagined Frank there going through for the first time. It was a challenge to picture him being very serious about it all. I expected to look over and see him looking at me wonering what in the world was going on. All through the session I was still feeling ok about it. When I went into the Celestial room, I blocked out all the people standing around, crouding the room. I prayed for some kind of inspiration regarding Frank.
I heard the Lord speak to me in my mind. He told me that if I married Frank, that I would be okay~. Then he posed the question to me, "but what if I had some one else in mind for you?" Then the face of one of the elders that served on my mission came to my mind.
I have not kept in touch with any of the elders from my mission. I did see him at the quaint mission Christmas party, but we did not say much to eachother. I was already engaged to Frank at the time.
I adore him and I know there has been more than one sister missionary that would have liked to marry him. He has a wonderful singing voice and a great smile, and I know he is very nice. I was watching him play with my old companion's kids that were there at the party. They were loving it.
I knew that if I were to persue this, whether it would be this elder or not, I realized that I needed to break up with Frank to allow me to explore my other options.
My other assignment from the Lord, in the Celestial room was to call this missionary companion of mine with the kids, who happened to marry an elder from our mission and I believe he and this other elder keep in touch. Perhaps the word will get passed along to him that I am available again.
I guess it's up to him now.
In the mean time, I have been thrown back to the wolves and I am dating again.
Friday night, January 27th after dropping (ok, I am now referring to Frankenstein as Frank to save me a few letters to type) Frank off at his brother's house, I got the impression that I needed to go to the Temple. I had good intentions to, several times, but I felt an urgency about it this time. The following Thrusday I was able to make arangements with my mother for her to watch Guy for me while I went.
I was seeking an answer regarding whether or not I should marry Frank. I still could not feel 100% sure about it. While in the temple, I imagined Frank there going through for the first time. It was a challenge to picture him being very serious about it all. I expected to look over and see him looking at me wonering what in the world was going on. All through the session I was still feeling ok about it. When I went into the Celestial room, I blocked out all the people standing around, crouding the room. I prayed for some kind of inspiration regarding Frank.
I heard the Lord speak to me in my mind. He told me that if I married Frank, that I would be okay~. Then he posed the question to me, "but what if I had some one else in mind for you?" Then the face of one of the elders that served on my mission came to my mind.
I have not kept in touch with any of the elders from my mission. I did see him at the quaint mission Christmas party, but we did not say much to eachother. I was already engaged to Frank at the time.
I adore him and I know there has been more than one sister missionary that would have liked to marry him. He has a wonderful singing voice and a great smile, and I know he is very nice. I was watching him play with my old companion's kids that were there at the party. They were loving it.
I knew that if I were to persue this, whether it would be this elder or not, I realized that I needed to break up with Frank to allow me to explore my other options.
My other assignment from the Lord, in the Celestial room was to call this missionary companion of mine with the kids, who happened to marry an elder from our mission and I believe he and this other elder keep in touch. Perhaps the word will get passed along to him that I am available again.
I guess it's up to him now.
In the mean time, I have been thrown back to the wolves and I am dating again.
Christmas Adventure
For Christmas, Frankenstein and Guy and I visited with this family that moved into Frankenstein's apartment complex from Sudan. They are refugees. We brought them clothes and toys. Guy did very well with sharing his old toys with them.
Then Guy wanted to go on a train ride, so we took TRAX up to Temple Square to see the lights. When we got off trax, there was a street performer getting ready to put on a show. He juggled flaming batons, tossed a bowling ball with his foot and caught it on his head... etc.
We wandered around the square quickly, then headed back because it was too cold for Guy to be out very long.
Then we came back to my parent's house and we all opened our gifts for eachother.My major gift from Frankenstein was a digital camera. As you can see, it doesn't take the most high quality pictures. I think I have learned how to use it a bit better since the first pictures I took, but it can only do so much. I picked it out from ebay. I think Frankenstein thought I was ripped off, but I like that it is so small and light it even fits in my purse or pocket, so that it is not such a burden to take with me wherever I might want a camera with me without having to feel like I need a press pass.
Friday, February 10, 2006
Tonsillectomy
I happened to see in Guy's throat one day when he was laughing. I wondered if I was looking down the throat of a cartoon character, the way his tonsills were enlarged and dangling in the back of his mouth. They were each the size of a large grape. I wondered how he had been eating and why he hadn't complained of a sore throat.
I took him into the Dr. thinking he may have been exposed to Strep Throat, which Frankenstein was just getting over. The quick test in the office was negative. His cold symptoms cleared up, so I figured he was over whatever it was, but when looking at them again a week later, they were still just as enormous. I took him in again to have them do the test that goes to the lab, the culture. It also came up negative.
I suggested to his Dr. that he might need a tonsillectomy. He proceeded to give me this lecture about how several years ago they would take a child's tonsills out more readily, but in children his age, it's normal for their tonsills to swell, especially when they are fighting a virus. Then when they turn, about 10 they tend to shrink back to a normal size. This was before he looked in his throat again. He realized immediately that needed to come out, so he referred me to an Oncologyst.
I got the same lecture from the Oncologyst before he looked in his mouth. He asked me if he is experiencing sleep apnea or if he compains of a sore throat, or if he has any trouble eating. Guy did not indicate to me that he was experiencing any of these symptoms, so the Oncologyst was surprised when he looked in his throat and saw the size of his tonsills. He said they use a scale of 1 to 4 and 4 is touching, but Guy's were actually pressing against eachother.
It didn't take any more convincing for him to realize that they needed to come out. He said that Guy has probably only been getting 60-70% of the sleeps that he needs. He said his body is working hard just get enough air while he is sleeping that he can't really relax and go into the deep sleep as in the REM state.
By the time he was done I half expected to have a new child after the surgery was over. He would get more rest, which would mean he wouldn't be as irritable, he wouldn't be constantly sick and irritable.
December 14th, we went early in the morning to the surgery clinic. Guy was so very brave when he had to leave with the nurse. He didn't even cry. He wasn't too happy when he woke up from the anestesia. After resting for an hour he woke up with a bunch of energy. He even thought he wanted to eat some of the nachos we brought home for lunch. After a few minutes at the table, he just slithered down from his chair and put himself to bed with his Blue Bear that he got for being so brave.
He recovered fairly quickly. In plenty of time to enjoy Christmas.
California Drivers...
I finally got my Utah driver's license. Just in time to get a speeding ticket a few hours later!
Who is Mr. Right?
November 15: I'm really not sure how this is all going to play out with [Frankenstein] and I. There was a period where I debated whether I should break up with him and move on. I have dated many, many guys, but there is always something from the basic requirements that they lack. Those requirements are: over 27 years old, LDS and active * bonus if they have a recommend or are an RM, out of college, have a decent steady job, speak English, physically fit, moderately good looking, with a personality, mentally ready for marriage, who'll treat me nice and not take advantage of me, gets along well with my son, can handle becoming an instant father, and who doesn't already have two or more children of his own that he has to pay child support for. Not to mention that there needs to be some attraction and similar interests. I used to hope that he would even be a swing dancer. I hate to say that I am settling. I suppose I could continue dating for the next 10 years and settle when Guy is 13 and I am too old to have any more children so I become a second mother to my new husbands teenagers. I guess I have given up in my search for Mr. Right. So for one to say that I could have any man doesn't mean much to me. Unless I just don't know where to meet them.
A recommend is now a requirement, not just a bonus.
A recommend is now a requirement, not just a bonus.
Civil or Celestial?
November 14: I guess there's really no reason why we couldn't be engaged before everything else happens. As wonderful as [Frankenstein] is, I just don't want to give my parents a heart attack, when I announce to them that I am going to marry a man who doesn't have a job or a car or a home or a temple recommend. Can you imagine? I mean I have to live with them, too (for a while longer). Yes, it did turn out to be a blessing that I was never sealed to my last husband. The civil divorce alone took over a year, partly because I lost contact with him a couple times because he was couch surfing and homeless after I left him. His first wife waited that long for him to write the letter that is required by the temple, explaining why they divorced. It was necessary in order to cancel the sealing so she could be remarried.
A New Member of the Family
November 5: Guy and I went to Petsmart and got him a new pet. When he picked out a fire belly toad for his friend's birthday, I promised Guy he could have one too. But he decided he wanted a mouse instead. So we set him up with a new cage and all the fixin's. Her name is Ebony because she is all black. My brother's cat sure likes her!
Little did we know that we should have named her Houdini. In a week, we discovered that she managed to squeeze her way out of the cage. I spotted her one morning on my way to work, but she darted into some clothes that I looked through, but I could not find her again. Two days later I put on my coat and I was alarmed when I felt something moving inside the sleeve. I ripped the coat off, after I let out a little yelp. I felt around the coat to find her, but I could not feel her when I set the coat on the floor and ran my hands over it. I put the coat on again, thinking it was either my imagination or that she had escaped from the coat already. Then again I felt her crawling in the lining of my coat. I managed to trap her and put her back in her cage.
I put more wire around and through the wider spaces in her cage, but it didn't keep her from getting out the very same night. The cat discovered her in the pantry. I was able to corner her and put her back in her cage, after putting more extra wire on it.
This mouse got out yet again. And she stayed out for several weeks until we started moving to the new house. We had all written her off, but there she was all along in Aaron and Kari's pantry, scarfing down the beans and peas.
She had become so fat this time, that she can no longer fit through her cage!
Halloween
October 31: Robbie and Guy and I went trick or treating through the Sandy Mall, then through the neighborhood. We had a good time. Guy got scared by the Dragon's lair in our neighbor's garage. They go all out for Halloween. There were lit up ghosts flying around the houses in the court with a wire cable.
Guy wanted to be Superman Guy for Halloween, so I stayed up late making a costume for him. I made an S out of yellow felt and red velveteen and sewed it to a blue sweatshirt, then attached a red satin cape at the collar. Then I made the cutest little red velveteen shorts, but I managed to forget to put a zipper in them so they were a little tight going on, but I just knew they would fit once they got over his hiney. He refused to wear them and the spats. *Sigh..*
No, I don't have any pictures of that either! My sister in law took several, but I still have not layed eyes on them, even after much asking.
I dressed as a flapper girl for work and wore my mink stoll with my brown, mini-polka-dot, crepe, hankerchief hem dress, brown fish-nets and finger waves in my hair.
Guy wanted to be Superman Guy for Halloween, so I stayed up late making a costume for him. I made an S out of yellow felt and red velveteen and sewed it to a blue sweatshirt, then attached a red satin cape at the collar. Then I made the cutest little red velveteen shorts, but I managed to forget to put a zipper in them so they were a little tight going on, but I just knew they would fit once they got over his hiney. He refused to wear them and the spats. *Sigh..*
No, I don't have any pictures of that either! My sister in law took several, but I still have not layed eyes on them, even after much asking.
I dressed as a flapper girl for work and wore my mink stoll with my brown, mini-polka-dot, crepe, hankerchief hem dress, brown fish-nets and finger waves in my hair.
What Did You Say The Answer Was?
October 4: My man and I are doing great. My bishop asked me to see him last Sunday. He is so concerned for me that he prays for me each morning and night. He told me how the Lord was speaking to him at the Ward activity earlier in the week, telling him that I need to be married. He wanted to find out what has been happening in my life and if there was anything he could do to help me find a husband. I told him about [Frankenstein] and I told him that I still go back and forth about whether he is right for me or not. My Bishop gave me a blessing that I would receive an answer within a week that I may know what is right for me. I went home that night and made a wish list of the things that I want in a husband and compared [Frankenstein] to that list. He scored about 80%. Then I prayed for an answer. The answer was "Yes, Yes, Yes, one thousand times, YES". About the same time I was praying, Robbie was being arrested! Is that ironic or what?
I should explain that Frankenstein was in Arizona for about 10 days, working on a job for his friend installing shelving for a new store. After I studied and prayed and got my answer and read the scriptures, I got a call from Frankenstein. He was out with his friend and on his way back to the hotel he called me from a pay phone and said he would call me when he got back to his room. I never heard back from him.
His friend became worried because he did not come home that night, nor did he show up for work on Monday, so he reported him missing on Tuesday Morning. We learned, rather quickly that he was in jail. I finally hear from Frankenstein later that a fternoon. He tells me how he decided to have one last night of "sin" or what ever, so he had a few drinks. After he got off the phone with me, he had an accident on his bike. The police arrested him for obstructing traffic because his bicycle was in the road. They kept him in jail for two nights until noon on Tuesday, after they could have a court hearing.
In my prayer asking for an answer, I confessed that I have a hard time trusting myself or the Spirit. I let him know that I would need a solid answer, one that could not be misread or mistaken. I also asked for greater faith, that I may not doubt or question whatever answer I may receive.
I still do not understand how I could have received such a strong positive answer about him at the very moment that he is off having some drinks in a bar.
Before I even knew this and I only knew that he was missing, I was ready to write him off and I got back online looking for some one else to go out with.
When I finally spoke to him on Tuesday, he was so very sorry and appologetic, that I had compassion on him and decided to forgive him. He gained a new sense of commitment and wanted to become engaged. I began looking for green diamond rings on ebay, and I had one ordered by the time he got back.
I should explain that Frankenstein was in Arizona for about 10 days, working on a job for his friend installing shelving for a new store. After I studied and prayed and got my answer and read the scriptures, I got a call from Frankenstein. He was out with his friend and on his way back to the hotel he called me from a pay phone and said he would call me when he got back to his room. I never heard back from him.
His friend became worried because he did not come home that night, nor did he show up for work on Monday, so he reported him missing on Tuesday Morning. We learned, rather quickly that he was in jail. I finally hear from Frankenstein later that a fternoon. He tells me how he decided to have one last night of "sin" or what ever, so he had a few drinks. After he got off the phone with me, he had an accident on his bike. The police arrested him for obstructing traffic because his bicycle was in the road. They kept him in jail for two nights until noon on Tuesday, after they could have a court hearing.
In my prayer asking for an answer, I confessed that I have a hard time trusting myself or the Spirit. I let him know that I would need a solid answer, one that could not be misread or mistaken. I also asked for greater faith, that I may not doubt or question whatever answer I may receive.
I still do not understand how I could have received such a strong positive answer about him at the very moment that he is off having some drinks in a bar.
Before I even knew this and I only knew that he was missing, I was ready to write him off and I got back online looking for some one else to go out with.
When I finally spoke to him on Tuesday, he was so very sorry and appologetic, that I had compassion on him and decided to forgive him. He gained a new sense of commitment and wanted to become engaged. I began looking for green diamond rings on ebay, and I had one ordered by the time he got back.
A Milestone in Potty Training
September 12: So, Guy got his candy bar Saturday night. He was also dry on Friday and Saturday! That makes three days of having dry pants! Which was part of another bargain that we made about a month ago. I promised him this book that he wanted if he could have three dry days. I need to get that for him today. I think he may actually be trained! He even goes in public rest rooms, too. I think [Frankenstein] has helped him with this a lot. He even went potty two times with Grandpa at the store on Saturday. It is such a miracle and a blessing!
Monday, February 06, 2006
Summary
The following entries summarize the last few months of my life. The portion in blue was extracted from emails that were exchanged with the morning receptionist that I fill in for in the afternoon.
I'm back
I'm back to blogging. I haven't written any new entries for a few months. Mostly since I started dating Frankenstein. I think part of the reason was because I was able to share my feeling with him and didn't feel the need to express them on here. Another reason was because there were some feelings that I did not want to share with him, and I knew that he read my blogs, so I have been keeping them locked up inside. I thought about starting a new blog, but it just seemed disconnected. Now I am ready to get them out and let them go.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
A Second Visit With X
I allowed X to visit with Guy for a second time. Frankenstein was interested in coming with me this time. I think partly out of curiosity and out of a desire to protect me. He is sure that my X wants to get back together with me. I think he has some regrets, but I don't think his intention is to win me over.
We met at the same place. X wore the same thing as he did on the first visit. It was a few days before Guy's birthday so, X brought Guy a birthday party in a bag. Inside the huge Spongebob gift bag was a Spongebob Poster, a package of Spongebob underwear, a yard of Spongebob material, a Spiderman folding chair, cupcakes with Spongebob rings on top and grape bottle shaped drinks.
When their novelty wore off, X went with Guy to play on the playground while Frankenstein and I looked on. Guy was feeling bashful around X. He came back over to us and wanted to play with Frankenstein. X gave Guy a couple more chances to warm up to him, but Guy made it obvious who he prefered. X left after watching on for a few minutes.
I felt badly for X and I tried to encourage Guy to play with him because he wants to be his friend. It was an awkward situation for all of us. We enjoyed our time at the park anyway, after he left.
X wants to see Guy again, but he won't come if he know's that Frankenstein is going to be there. He has not given me any money so far. Granted he gave Guy some birthday gifts, should that count for something?
I am inclined to give him one more chance to come up with some money before I put an end to the visits.
We met at the same place. X wore the same thing as he did on the first visit. It was a few days before Guy's birthday so, X brought Guy a birthday party in a bag. Inside the huge Spongebob gift bag was a Spongebob Poster, a package of Spongebob underwear, a yard of Spongebob material, a Spiderman folding chair, cupcakes with Spongebob rings on top and grape bottle shaped drinks.
When their novelty wore off, X went with Guy to play on the playground while Frankenstein and I looked on. Guy was feeling bashful around X. He came back over to us and wanted to play with Frankenstein. X gave Guy a couple more chances to warm up to him, but Guy made it obvious who he prefered. X left after watching on for a few minutes.
I felt badly for X and I tried to encourage Guy to play with him because he wants to be his friend. It was an awkward situation for all of us. We enjoyed our time at the park anyway, after he left.
X wants to see Guy again, but he won't come if he know's that Frankenstein is going to be there. He has not given me any money so far. Granted he gave Guy some birthday gifts, should that count for something?
I am inclined to give him one more chance to come up with some money before I put an end to the visits.
Three Down!
This month was Guy's birthday month. His birthday is August 13th, but we used it as an excuse to celebrate about 5 times. On the night of his actually birthday, we bought a carrot cake and lit the candles in the tent that Frankenstien pitched on the front lawn. We had so much fun singing and exagerating the Birthday song that Guy wanted us to sing it again.
We held off the big party until Grandma came to town. Grandmpa got back with Grandpa on a Friday night and the party was planned for Saturday afternoon. We had a truck load of boxes and furniture to unload and hid away on Saturday morning and still do a few preparations for the party. I could feel a cold coming on that morning and I strained my knee while carrying boxes up the stairs.
I made the final touches of the Sponge Bob Square Pants Cake, early that morning. I started making the cake on Friday morning. It took several steps. The cake was a yellow cake that I punched a few holes in then turned over in a pan and poured green jello over the cake. That set overnight. In the mean time I melted chocolate; white and milk chocolate/peanutbutter chips to make a light brown for his shorts. I poured the chocolate onto some foil on a flat surface to form a sheet. I cut out the pieces to make the eyes, teeth, shirt and shorts. Then I formed arms/hands by cutting licorice ropes and holding them with tooth picks. Then I dipped them in the white chocolate, let them set, then painted them with yellow food coloring. I did the same for the legs. I formed a piece of laughy taffy to make his toung and used colored piping to outline his features. It was one amazing cake.
We had some outside activities, such as jellyfishing. I found some toy fishing/bug nets and I inflated some water balloons with helium that I flung into the air as the kids gathered around to catch them in their nets.
For decor off of the balcony, I hung a fishing net and hung some other jellyfishes that I made from balloons and pink tights that I cut and sewed to fit over clear balloons with tenticles and spots and all.
Then we went inside for some home made Crabby Patties, hamburgers, hot dogs and fruit salad. Even the ice cubes were star shaped.
After that we went back outside for a sponge toss.
We came in again for cake and ice cream. When I brought out the cake, everyone OOoohed and Aaahhed. Between my brother and his wife I think they took about a roll of pictures of the cake before anyone could touch it. Everyone Ooohhed and Aaahhhed. The pictures that Aaron took with my dad's new digital camera ALL got accidentally erased. And I still haven't seen the one's that Kari took.
Mental Note: I need a digital camera, badly.
Finally Guy got to open his presents. Everyone gathered around and all eyes were on him when he blurts out, "I gotta go Pee!"
He was just starting to go on the toilet on a regular basis. He was doing good with going pee, but the poop was still ending up in his pants. I was so proud of him though, for not being embarrased to go when he needed to.
He got some really special and fun gifts from his friends, including some hand drawn cards from the girls behind us.
Happy 3rd Birthday, My Guy Smiley!
We held off the big party until Grandma came to town. Grandmpa got back with Grandpa on a Friday night and the party was planned for Saturday afternoon. We had a truck load of boxes and furniture to unload and hid away on Saturday morning and still do a few preparations for the party. I could feel a cold coming on that morning and I strained my knee while carrying boxes up the stairs.
I made the final touches of the Sponge Bob Square Pants Cake, early that morning. I started making the cake on Friday morning. It took several steps. The cake was a yellow cake that I punched a few holes in then turned over in a pan and poured green jello over the cake. That set overnight. In the mean time I melted chocolate; white and milk chocolate/peanutbutter chips to make a light brown for his shorts. I poured the chocolate onto some foil on a flat surface to form a sheet. I cut out the pieces to make the eyes, teeth, shirt and shorts. Then I formed arms/hands by cutting licorice ropes and holding them with tooth picks. Then I dipped them in the white chocolate, let them set, then painted them with yellow food coloring. I did the same for the legs. I formed a piece of laughy taffy to make his toung and used colored piping to outline his features. It was one amazing cake.
We had some outside activities, such as jellyfishing. I found some toy fishing/bug nets and I inflated some water balloons with helium that I flung into the air as the kids gathered around to catch them in their nets.
For decor off of the balcony, I hung a fishing net and hung some other jellyfishes that I made from balloons and pink tights that I cut and sewed to fit over clear balloons with tenticles and spots and all.
Then we went inside for some home made Crabby Patties, hamburgers, hot dogs and fruit salad. Even the ice cubes were star shaped.
After that we went back outside for a sponge toss.
We came in again for cake and ice cream. When I brought out the cake, everyone OOoohed and Aaahhed. Between my brother and his wife I think they took about a roll of pictures of the cake before anyone could touch it. Everyone Ooohhed and Aaahhhed. The pictures that Aaron took with my dad's new digital camera ALL got accidentally erased. And I still haven't seen the one's that Kari took.
Mental Note: I need a digital camera, badly.
Finally Guy got to open his presents. Everyone gathered around and all eyes were on him when he blurts out, "I gotta go Pee!"
He was just starting to go on the toilet on a regular basis. He was doing good with going pee, but the poop was still ending up in his pants. I was so proud of him though, for not being embarrased to go when he needed to.
He got some really special and fun gifts from his friends, including some hand drawn cards from the girls behind us.
Happy 3rd Birthday, My Guy Smiley!
Thursday, August 25, 2005
What's in a Dream?
I rarely remember my dreams, and when I do they don't seem to have much significance. I often wish I did. I think it's a great way to get in touch with our subconciences.
I recently dreamed that I was ripe in a pregnancy. Then I was in the delivery room and discovered that there were some complications. I was wisked away to the operating room. There was some question as to whether the baby would survive. I awoke before I found out the result.
I looked it up in a dream dictionary and it suggested that when a woman dreams she is pregnant, it indicates that there are either many changes or a major change going on in my life. It also indicated that it was of a creative nature. When in the dream the baby dies, it is a feeling of failure, as though nothing I try to do goes right.
That is just how I was feeling about my relationship with Frankenstien. It was shortly after my father laid down some rules that disallowed me to see Frankenstein. I was feeling as though nothing had changed, that this too would turn out just as all my other relathionships had where my parents forced me to break it off because they weren't good enough. That or teh boy broke it off with me because they came to the same conclusion on their own.
A day later my mother called me. I missed her call, but I called her back to see what she needed. She said she just wanted to check in with me because she had a dream where I called out to her saying, "MOM"! She felt that perhaps I was in a time of need but she has not been here for me.
I have never really been able to open up to my mother. I am careful about what kinds of issues I seek her advice on. In most cases, I know her opinion so I don't bother asking. I know she wishes we could be closer. She would like for me to be the sister she never had. I try to make sure she knows I love and appreciate her, but it requires some thought on my part.
Perhaps I need her and rely on her more than I realize
Frankenstein had a dream that tops the other two. He dreamed that we were in some other country in a high rise appartment. There was a garage sale across the street and I kept going over to get this and that.
Later we got dressed and went to our own wedding. I was in a white dress and he had a jacket on. There was a croud of people standing around us. The ceremony was brief. I said, "I do". Then when it came time for him to say, "I do".... the croud dispursed just before he spoke and he realized no one had heard him say, "I do".
He was offended that they left so quickly, so he said it a few times more in a louder voice. He gave up. Then he looked down at his feet and realized that he was wearing only boxer shorts. He had forgotten to put on his pants!
I recently dreamed that I was ripe in a pregnancy. Then I was in the delivery room and discovered that there were some complications. I was wisked away to the operating room. There was some question as to whether the baby would survive. I awoke before I found out the result.
I looked it up in a dream dictionary and it suggested that when a woman dreams she is pregnant, it indicates that there are either many changes or a major change going on in my life. It also indicated that it was of a creative nature. When in the dream the baby dies, it is a feeling of failure, as though nothing I try to do goes right.
That is just how I was feeling about my relationship with Frankenstien. It was shortly after my father laid down some rules that disallowed me to see Frankenstein. I was feeling as though nothing had changed, that this too would turn out just as all my other relathionships had where my parents forced me to break it off because they weren't good enough. That or teh boy broke it off with me because they came to the same conclusion on their own.
A day later my mother called me. I missed her call, but I called her back to see what she needed. She said she just wanted to check in with me because she had a dream where I called out to her saying, "MOM"! She felt that perhaps I was in a time of need but she has not been here for me.
I have never really been able to open up to my mother. I am careful about what kinds of issues I seek her advice on. In most cases, I know her opinion so I don't bother asking. I know she wishes we could be closer. She would like for me to be the sister she never had. I try to make sure she knows I love and appreciate her, but it requires some thought on my part.
Perhaps I need her and rely on her more than I realize
Frankenstein had a dream that tops the other two. He dreamed that we were in some other country in a high rise appartment. There was a garage sale across the street and I kept going over to get this and that.
Later we got dressed and went to our own wedding. I was in a white dress and he had a jacket on. There was a croud of people standing around us. The ceremony was brief. I said, "I do". Then when it came time for him to say, "I do".... the croud dispursed just before he spoke and he realized no one had heard him say, "I do".
He was offended that they left so quickly, so he said it a few times more in a louder voice. He gave up. Then he looked down at his feet and realized that he was wearing only boxer shorts. He had forgotten to put on his pants!
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Do I Know You?
A few weeks ago, I took Guy up to this park to play in the water area they have. On my way there, I figured I would call Guy's Dad and see if he would be available for a visit with Guy, since we would be so near his house.
X was available for an hour or so and he came up to meet us. In the pictures I have seen of him online, he appeared as though he had a penciled in mustache, but after seeing him in person, I realized it is a tattoo! I never heard of such a thing as a tatto mustache. But there it was with his pink striped shirt and his purple polka dot tie and his black vest, two tone shoes and a brim hat. I wonder how many other looks he has experimented with since I have seen him. Last time he had the bridge in his nose pierced and he thought he was a Greaser. Today he reminds me of Lee of Lee Press on and the Nails.
We made light conversation about Guy and about what he has been up to while we followed Guy around the play area. He brought two children's books for Guy and one for me to read, entitled, "The Power of Now". It is one of several that he has asked that I read before he allows me to read his journal of the events following his memory loss. I skimmed through it to understand where he is coming from. It has some valid points. It even includes references to the Bible, as well as to Budism. However, I disagree with his philosophy about Jesus Christ. He only gives him credit for being a man who attained an expecially great level of spirituallity. I hope X isn't trying to convert me.
X was available for an hour or so and he came up to meet us. In the pictures I have seen of him online, he appeared as though he had a penciled in mustache, but after seeing him in person, I realized it is a tattoo! I never heard of such a thing as a tatto mustache. But there it was with his pink striped shirt and his purple polka dot tie and his black vest, two tone shoes and a brim hat. I wonder how many other looks he has experimented with since I have seen him. Last time he had the bridge in his nose pierced and he thought he was a Greaser. Today he reminds me of Lee of Lee Press on and the Nails.
We made light conversation about Guy and about what he has been up to while we followed Guy around the play area. He brought two children's books for Guy and one for me to read, entitled, "The Power of Now". It is one of several that he has asked that I read before he allows me to read his journal of the events following his memory loss. I skimmed through it to understand where he is coming from. It has some valid points. It even includes references to the Bible, as well as to Budism. However, I disagree with his philosophy about Jesus Christ. He only gives him credit for being a man who attained an expecially great level of spirituallity. I hope X isn't trying to convert me.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
"Ground Patrol to Major Tom"
I am having that dreaded feeling that I get occasionally. It's as if I were lost and floating in space and I don't know which direction is up, therefore I don't know in which direction to go. If you have ever seen the movie Fire in the Sky, it's like the part when he awakens from the gel cocoon. Once he is out of the cocoon he finds himself in the center of a vast cylinder where the walls are lined with thousands of cocoons, as far as he can see in one direction. In the other direction he sees his own key chain that belonged to him. There is a light in the direction of the key chain and he floats towards it. Once he grasps it, he looks up and sees space suits. By their form, one can tell that obviously belong to aliens. He walks over for a closer look. After a moment an alien enters the room. He runs in the other direction and ducks into a tube-like pathway where he has to crawl through. He is struggling to get away from the aliens and they are faster and skinnier and stronger than him. As he is crawling he bumps a pair of child size glazzes and they begin to float in front of him. The aliens grab his legs and pull him back out of the tunnel. At this point he starts crying out. There are several of them now and they take him back to the room where the space suits were. An examination table comes up from the floor. They hold him down while some sheets of shrink plastic come from above. Then steam shot down from the ceiling and the plastic clung tightly to his body, including his face, and over the sides of the table. They cut a hole over his mouth and nose, then they stuff his mouth with this brown gel to keep him from yelling. Then they proceed to do an examination on him, poking and prodding...etc.
When I feel as if I am floating, I almost wish some aliens would start chasing me because at least then I would know which direction I don't want to go. I would have a goal...to get away from the aliens. As it is, I feel lost and I don't know which way to run. I suppose it's a similar instinct that keeps people in an abusive relationship. Because it is familiar to them. I am in no way suggesting that I am in an abusive relationship, but the thought ust occured to me.
I do feel like I am stuck in a rut, though. I need to find a way to break it and I'm not sure what the change is that I need to make. As I have mentioned, in my High School Nightmare entry, I have a habbit of being attracted to/dating guys that are a bit rebelious in nature. I think I am attracted to the excitement and adventure. I don't like to do things the way others do and we can relate to eachother in that regard. Frankenstein is what you might call a reformed bad boy. He has done it his own way all his life, but he has made some changes in his life and wants to do it The Lord's way now. This has built character in him. He has had everything and he has had nothing. He appreciates even the simplest things in life. He is fun loving and happy, yet he has a sence of reality where he does not play games. Instead, he is open and honest with me and those around him. He says just what is on his mind, instead of hinting or sulking to get attention.
He has brought a breath of fresh air to my life. He supports me in everything I do. He helps with caring for my son. I know Guy loves him, too. He loves to go things for me and give me things. He is always complimentary towards me. He is also extreemely understanding of the importance of my relationship with my parents. Although he has been hurt by some of the things my father has said, he understands that they are trying to protect me. Besides that, they have an investment in my success in life.
We still talk about and hope to be married some day, but we realize that it is still very early in our relationship. In an effort to avoid wasting time in a relationship that may not work out, I tend to hope for an answer to a prayer at the beginning to know if it is right. This would also ease the heartbreak if I broke it off soon rather than late.
A few days after we met, I fasted to know if I should continue dating Fankenstein. I received a confirmation that, yes it's ok for me to be dating him. I sorta told God that I will need him to continue to assure me, because I want to be sure, and I am not confident in myself. ( I need to have more faith and confidence in God) A week later, I was filled with The Spirit as the thought came to me the night Guy caught his first fish, "You caught your fish."
(As I was typing this, The Spirit was telling me that I need to have more faith and rely on the answers that he has already given me.)
I held to that up until the time my dad forbade me to take the car to see him and suggested that I break it off with him. Then the thought came to me that I should break it off with him until he gets a car. Which would have made my parents happy and it would keep me from having to lie to my father when I meet Frankenstein in Salt Lake. I did not feel The Spirit at the time. I don't know if it's because it's not what I wanted to hear or if it was simply a thought in my head.
This morning, I got out of bed with a feeling that I needed to get on my knees because there was somthing important that I needed to hear. I told The Lord that I am listening and I want to hear what it is that he needs to tell me. I cleared my mind of all my thoughts for a minute. Then the sentence, "(Frankenstein) is not for you." came into my head, but The Spirit did not come with it. I tried to clear my mind again and it came again, "(Frankenstein) is not for you."...then several times more I heard it, but it was not comforting.
So, I asked, "Well, then what?.." The next thought was that I should get back together with my exhusband. I know that can't be right! Perhaps he is casting some Voo Doo spell on me to try to get me to get back together with him.
When I feel as if I am floating, I almost wish some aliens would start chasing me because at least then I would know which direction I don't want to go. I would have a goal...to get away from the aliens. As it is, I feel lost and I don't know which way to run. I suppose it's a similar instinct that keeps people in an abusive relationship. Because it is familiar to them. I am in no way suggesting that I am in an abusive relationship, but the thought ust occured to me.
I do feel like I am stuck in a rut, though. I need to find a way to break it and I'm not sure what the change is that I need to make. As I have mentioned, in my High School Nightmare entry, I have a habbit of being attracted to/dating guys that are a bit rebelious in nature. I think I am attracted to the excitement and adventure. I don't like to do things the way others do and we can relate to eachother in that regard. Frankenstein is what you might call a reformed bad boy. He has done it his own way all his life, but he has made some changes in his life and wants to do it The Lord's way now. This has built character in him. He has had everything and he has had nothing. He appreciates even the simplest things in life. He is fun loving and happy, yet he has a sence of reality where he does not play games. Instead, he is open and honest with me and those around him. He says just what is on his mind, instead of hinting or sulking to get attention.
He has brought a breath of fresh air to my life. He supports me in everything I do. He helps with caring for my son. I know Guy loves him, too. He loves to go things for me and give me things. He is always complimentary towards me. He is also extreemely understanding of the importance of my relationship with my parents. Although he has been hurt by some of the things my father has said, he understands that they are trying to protect me. Besides that, they have an investment in my success in life.
We still talk about and hope to be married some day, but we realize that it is still very early in our relationship. In an effort to avoid wasting time in a relationship that may not work out, I tend to hope for an answer to a prayer at the beginning to know if it is right. This would also ease the heartbreak if I broke it off soon rather than late.
A few days after we met, I fasted to know if I should continue dating Fankenstein. I received a confirmation that, yes it's ok for me to be dating him. I sorta told God that I will need him to continue to assure me, because I want to be sure, and I am not confident in myself. ( I need to have more faith and confidence in God) A week later, I was filled with The Spirit as the thought came to me the night Guy caught his first fish, "You caught your fish."
(As I was typing this, The Spirit was telling me that I need to have more faith and rely on the answers that he has already given me.)
I held to that up until the time my dad forbade me to take the car to see him and suggested that I break it off with him. Then the thought came to me that I should break it off with him until he gets a car. Which would have made my parents happy and it would keep me from having to lie to my father when I meet Frankenstein in Salt Lake. I did not feel The Spirit at the time. I don't know if it's because it's not what I wanted to hear or if it was simply a thought in my head.
This morning, I got out of bed with a feeling that I needed to get on my knees because there was somthing important that I needed to hear. I told The Lord that I am listening and I want to hear what it is that he needs to tell me. I cleared my mind of all my thoughts for a minute. Then the sentence, "(Frankenstein) is not for you." came into my head, but The Spirit did not come with it. I tried to clear my mind again and it came again, "(Frankenstein) is not for you."...then several times more I heard it, but it was not comforting.
So, I asked, "Well, then what?.." The next thought was that I should get back together with my exhusband. I know that can't be right! Perhaps he is casting some Voo Doo spell on me to try to get me to get back together with him.
Monday, July 25, 2005
Living My High School Nightmare...Again..
My High School memories are filled with thrift store shopping and sneaking out of the house to see my boyfriend.
It was a dreadful time for me that I have been so releived to have over with. I hated the restrictions that my parents put on me in an attempt to keep me safe. It began from the time that I started dating, which was shortly before my 16th birthday. I was asked to go to the Homecoming dance of a guy I had met at a church dance. He went to another school than I did, but our dances were on the same weekend and I assumed that his was on Saturday, as mine was. You can imagine my surprise when he showed up at my house to pick my up on Friday evening!
But, that's another story....
It was a friend of his that I started going steady with. His name was Cosmos. That was really his name. My parents were out of town one weekend and I was invited to go to a movie with him, but I was not of the dating age of 16. My parents made an exception and allowed me to attend the dance with his friend, but I knew they would not approve of my going out with Cosmos. If for no other reason, than the fact that he was of African American descent.
Since then, they began to put restrictions on me, and curfues, spying on me, listening to phone conversations, and reading my journals. This did not change my behavior, it merely improved my ability to lie to them. They eventually forbade me to see him.
Our relationship eventually ended after countles lectures and a few counselling sessions, I broke it off with Cosmos. It was not hard because I found a new boyfriend. Another one whom my parents did not approve of. He was white, but he was not active in the church. His father had been excommunicated and his step mother was an editor for an Anti-Mormon magazine in Salt Lake. We continued to see each other for a few years off and on. I broke it off with him at least 5 times at the request of my parents. He finally got tired of me breaking it off with him, and found another girlfriend.
I suppose my parents might have taken similar action when I was dating my ex-husband, but I was living in Provo while we met and dated. They didn't meet him until we announced our engagement while we came out to visit them for a few days. I suspect they would have liked to, once they got to know him more.
Here I am single again and pushing 30, and living with my parents once more. I still don't own my own car, and they are still kind enough to provide one for me. I was paying on it when I was able to afford it, but not presently. In fact I am not even driving the car that is designated for me. I traded with my mother, temporarily when I moved out here because mine was not ready to go in time.
When my mother found out that I have been using her car to drive to my boyfriend's house, (which is 40 min away) every few days, she was not happy about it. After coming home late one night from Frankenstein's house I didn't knock on my dad's door to let him know I was home, so he was up all night worrying about me.
The next day he began to drill me about Frankenstien. I know my dad likes him as a person, but apparently he doesn't quite meet his expectations in order to date his daughter. I was annoyed after a few mintues and walked out of the conversation. He then typed out a full paged letter with explicit restrictions on my use of the car. In essence, I cannot use the car to see Frankenstein. He must come to my house with a car to pick me up, (well he doesn't have a car right now either).
This extended to any other guy I might go on a date with. He said he would watch Guy for me only if I am going on a date with a man who is temple worthy, has a car and has had a steady job for at least 6 months. (My dad has not had a steady job in the last two years.)
It is this kind of restriction that has caused me to shut off the communication with my parents. I have learned to lie, and hide what I am doing to avoid their scorn. I thought things had changed between us, but I suppose that was only while I wasn't dating.
I use Guy as an excuse, but I really need to start earning enough money to support myself and Guy, so I can be independant and have some self respect.
It was a dreadful time for me that I have been so releived to have over with. I hated the restrictions that my parents put on me in an attempt to keep me safe. It began from the time that I started dating, which was shortly before my 16th birthday. I was asked to go to the Homecoming dance of a guy I had met at a church dance. He went to another school than I did, but our dances were on the same weekend and I assumed that his was on Saturday, as mine was. You can imagine my surprise when he showed up at my house to pick my up on Friday evening!
But, that's another story....
It was a friend of his that I started going steady with. His name was Cosmos. That was really his name. My parents were out of town one weekend and I was invited to go to a movie with him, but I was not of the dating age of 16. My parents made an exception and allowed me to attend the dance with his friend, but I knew they would not approve of my going out with Cosmos. If for no other reason, than the fact that he was of African American descent.
Since then, they began to put restrictions on me, and curfues, spying on me, listening to phone conversations, and reading my journals. This did not change my behavior, it merely improved my ability to lie to them. They eventually forbade me to see him.
Our relationship eventually ended after countles lectures and a few counselling sessions, I broke it off with Cosmos. It was not hard because I found a new boyfriend. Another one whom my parents did not approve of. He was white, but he was not active in the church. His father had been excommunicated and his step mother was an editor for an Anti-Mormon magazine in Salt Lake. We continued to see each other for a few years off and on. I broke it off with him at least 5 times at the request of my parents. He finally got tired of me breaking it off with him, and found another girlfriend.
I suppose my parents might have taken similar action when I was dating my ex-husband, but I was living in Provo while we met and dated. They didn't meet him until we announced our engagement while we came out to visit them for a few days. I suspect they would have liked to, once they got to know him more.
Here I am single again and pushing 30, and living with my parents once more. I still don't own my own car, and they are still kind enough to provide one for me. I was paying on it when I was able to afford it, but not presently. In fact I am not even driving the car that is designated for me. I traded with my mother, temporarily when I moved out here because mine was not ready to go in time.
When my mother found out that I have been using her car to drive to my boyfriend's house, (which is 40 min away) every few days, she was not happy about it. After coming home late one night from Frankenstein's house I didn't knock on my dad's door to let him know I was home, so he was up all night worrying about me.
The next day he began to drill me about Frankenstien. I know my dad likes him as a person, but apparently he doesn't quite meet his expectations in order to date his daughter. I was annoyed after a few mintues and walked out of the conversation. He then typed out a full paged letter with explicit restrictions on my use of the car. In essence, I cannot use the car to see Frankenstein. He must come to my house with a car to pick me up, (well he doesn't have a car right now either).
This extended to any other guy I might go on a date with. He said he would watch Guy for me only if I am going on a date with a man who is temple worthy, has a car and has had a steady job for at least 6 months. (My dad has not had a steady job in the last two years.)
It is this kind of restriction that has caused me to shut off the communication with my parents. I have learned to lie, and hide what I am doing to avoid their scorn. I thought things had changed between us, but I suppose that was only while I wasn't dating.
I use Guy as an excuse, but I really need to start earning enough money to support myself and Guy, so I can be independant and have some self respect.
Sunday, July 24, 2005
The Inexperienced Experts
Guy has recently started throwing some nasty fits, including kicking and screaming and hitting and biting. I have had to haul him up to his room to remove him from the situation. It's a good thing I am so tough or I may not have been able to handle him without being hurt by him. I was letting him work it out by himself in his room. He would throw things at the door, or hit it and he would yell and scream, "MOMMY GET BACK HERE!", "OPEN DOOR!"
I was leaving him in there until he could calm himself down, but what I am realizing is that he usually needs some help to calm down when he is that upset. Now when I have to put him in his room, I only leave him for a minute or less and when I open the door he comes to me with open arms, asking me for a hug and ready with an apology.
Before I realized this, we were concerned with how to deal with these outbursts. My dad was unnerved by it and wondered how it would be if he were a teen ager and could not control his temper.
My brother opened up and in an effort to help us said that if we are interested in seeking their advice they would be glad to help us.
*Let it be known that my brother and his wife do not have any children.*
*Let it also be know that until this point, they had also never watched Guy for me for even an hour.*
My dad relayed to me from a conversation that he had with my brother when he said that they are not exactly Virgins when it comes to raising children.........???????
Are they stashing some kids in their closet downstairs? How can you be experienced in something you have never fully experienced? They consider the one and one half years that they were the Ward Nursery leaders as child rearing experience???!!
Granted it can be a challenging calling and it does take some knowledge in child behavior, but it is very different from being a parent. Children often act differently with other adults that they do with their own parents, usually better. The Nursery leaders give me nothing but praise for how well behaved Guy is in their class. For example she recently shared with me how one of the girls in the class was sick and Guy thought on his own to bring her a blanket and a stuffed animal to comfort her.
My brother had a birthday and the custom is for them to have dinner with her family at their house. They choose to have the birthday dinner at our house this time. We greeted them outside, as Guy had been playing out front. Instead of the usual enthusiastic, "Hi big Guy, how are you? Give me five!" When I introduced them they had this strange cold look on their face. I know now what they were thinking... ("Ah, so this is the problem child and his poor, naive mother.")
After the blowing out of the candles on the cake, my sister-in-law's mother invites my dad to tell us what kind of a child Aaron was. My dad was proud to say that he was as straight as an arrow and wanted nothing more than to please his parents and to be a missionary, which is the truth.
Then she began to tell about what a problem child her daughter was.....and then one day.....she went to this class at Education week at BYU....and her problems were solved by this Behavioral Psychologist. All she had to do was impliment his simple techniques and voila! Model children!
She went on for an hour telling us her story to her captive audience, as we were eating birthday cake. I made some comment and she asked, "Do you have a Kari, too?" I wish I had said, "No, I have a Guy Smiley".
Guy's issues are different than those that Kari had and I will find a way to correct his behavior in a way different than the system she implied.
I have already been doing mostly what this philosophy discussed, but I can't see that I should have to give my child a toy reward every time he does something good. Praise and self gratification should be sufficient. Otherwise I am teaching him that he should expect something from me every time he does anything good.
This is week old news and Kari volunteered to watch Guy for me, for the first time last night so that I could attend this "Sock-baring-forbidden, Sock Hop" at BYU. In which they all seemed to have high hopes for me to meet "the man of my dreams" at.
I was leaving him in there until he could calm himself down, but what I am realizing is that he usually needs some help to calm down when he is that upset. Now when I have to put him in his room, I only leave him for a minute or less and when I open the door he comes to me with open arms, asking me for a hug and ready with an apology.
Before I realized this, we were concerned with how to deal with these outbursts. My dad was unnerved by it and wondered how it would be if he were a teen ager and could not control his temper.
My brother opened up and in an effort to help us said that if we are interested in seeking their advice they would be glad to help us.
*Let it be known that my brother and his wife do not have any children.*
*Let it also be know that until this point, they had also never watched Guy for me for even an hour.*
My dad relayed to me from a conversation that he had with my brother when he said that they are not exactly Virgins when it comes to raising children.........???????
Are they stashing some kids in their closet downstairs? How can you be experienced in something you have never fully experienced? They consider the one and one half years that they were the Ward Nursery leaders as child rearing experience???!!
Granted it can be a challenging calling and it does take some knowledge in child behavior, but it is very different from being a parent. Children often act differently with other adults that they do with their own parents, usually better. The Nursery leaders give me nothing but praise for how well behaved Guy is in their class. For example she recently shared with me how one of the girls in the class was sick and Guy thought on his own to bring her a blanket and a stuffed animal to comfort her.
My brother had a birthday and the custom is for them to have dinner with her family at their house. They choose to have the birthday dinner at our house this time. We greeted them outside, as Guy had been playing out front. Instead of the usual enthusiastic, "Hi big Guy, how are you? Give me five!" When I introduced them they had this strange cold look on their face. I know now what they were thinking... ("Ah, so this is the problem child and his poor, naive mother.")
After the blowing out of the candles on the cake, my sister-in-law's mother invites my dad to tell us what kind of a child Aaron was. My dad was proud to say that he was as straight as an arrow and wanted nothing more than to please his parents and to be a missionary, which is the truth.
Then she began to tell about what a problem child her daughter was.....and then one day.....she went to this class at Education week at BYU....and her problems were solved by this Behavioral Psychologist. All she had to do was impliment his simple techniques and voila! Model children!
She went on for an hour telling us her story to her captive audience, as we were eating birthday cake. I made some comment and she asked, "Do you have a Kari, too?" I wish I had said, "No, I have a Guy Smiley".
Guy's issues are different than those that Kari had and I will find a way to correct his behavior in a way different than the system she implied.
I have already been doing mostly what this philosophy discussed, but I can't see that I should have to give my child a toy reward every time he does something good. Praise and self gratification should be sufficient. Otherwise I am teaching him that he should expect something from me every time he does anything good.
This is week old news and Kari volunteered to watch Guy for me, for the first time last night so that I could attend this "Sock-baring-forbidden, Sock Hop" at BYU. In which they all seemed to have high hopes for me to meet "the man of my dreams" at.
Dating Shmmating
Frankenstein has been encouraging me to continue to date other guys. There are honestly, no others that I am interested in, especially when compared to him.
When I got a call from the guy that I met in the park several weeks ago, that I was supposed to go to his house for a BBQ, but Guy got sick, then I found him online later that day, then stood me up when we were supposed to go for a walk one Sunday....you know, that guy that I haven't given a name. He called me to let me know that he and his daughter would be at the park for a few hours that evening and invited Guy and I to come out with them. So, I met up with him for about half an hour.
The next week I met up with someone new from online. We met at the Purple Turtle, this odd looking purple hamburger joint in town. His picture didn't show enough detail for me to see that he really wasn't all that attractive. He seemed pretty dull and boring. He told me about two occasions where he had been to the temple on a date, the second time with two women. He said how he thought it irreverent how she kept leaning over in her seat to flash a smile at him. The poor girl probably thought she was going to have a ring on her finger by the time the night was over.
When I got a call from the guy that I met in the park several weeks ago, that I was supposed to go to his house for a BBQ, but Guy got sick, then I found him online later that day, then stood me up when we were supposed to go for a walk one Sunday....you know, that guy that I haven't given a name. He called me to let me know that he and his daughter would be at the park for a few hours that evening and invited Guy and I to come out with them. So, I met up with him for about half an hour.
The next week I met up with someone new from online. We met at the Purple Turtle, this odd looking purple hamburger joint in town. His picture didn't show enough detail for me to see that he really wasn't all that attractive. He seemed pretty dull and boring. He told me about two occasions where he had been to the temple on a date, the second time with two women. He said how he thought it irreverent how she kept leaning over in her seat to flash a smile at him. The poor girl probably thought she was going to have a ring on her finger by the time the night was over.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
3.2.1. Contact
I never did call my ex-sister in law to try to find my ex. Instead, he found me. I got a message from him through one of the friend network sites that I belong to. He says he has been praying to find me, too. I guess he lost my phone number..?
I had arrangements to meet up with him a couple weeks ago, and I decided to bring Frankenstein along with me, which made me an hour late for our appointment and I missed him by a few minutes.
He has contacted me to meet up again. His intention is to become a part of Guy's life again and mine is to get information from him regarding his memory loss for the purpose of writing a book about it. I informed him yesterday that I have not yet made a decision regarding whether or not I am going to permit him to have visitation rights with Guy, considering that the only contribution that he has made for him where the shirts that he sent at Christmas time. Besides that I have not received one cent from him. I asked him to tell me what he would like and I told him I would consider it in making my decision.
I think my email was a bit of a reality check for him. He said he needs some time to think about it or, "..to be with his feelings for a while". He is such a different person, including his manner of speech.
I said that I don't give a damn about him, but the truth is I do care, I just try to protect myself from being hurt again.
I had arrangements to meet up with him a couple weeks ago, and I decided to bring Frankenstein along with me, which made me an hour late for our appointment and I missed him by a few minutes.
He has contacted me to meet up again. His intention is to become a part of Guy's life again and mine is to get information from him regarding his memory loss for the purpose of writing a book about it. I informed him yesterday that I have not yet made a decision regarding whether or not I am going to permit him to have visitation rights with Guy, considering that the only contribution that he has made for him where the shirts that he sent at Christmas time. Besides that I have not received one cent from him. I asked him to tell me what he would like and I told him I would consider it in making my decision.
I think my email was a bit of a reality check for him. He said he needs some time to think about it or, "..to be with his feelings for a while". He is such a different person, including his manner of speech.
I said that I don't give a damn about him, but the truth is I do care, I just try to protect myself from being hurt again.
Trixs Are For Frankenstein
I was on my way to go dancing last Friday, when I realized I didn't have enough cash on my to get in. I could have stopped somewhere and got some cash back, but I had another idea that beat that one all to pieces. At some point before I should have turned off to go dancing, I decided to keep on going through to Park City and surprise Frankenstein. I was supposed to call him around 10pm and I told him that I was on my way to go dancing, when in actuallity I was in Park City searching him for clues as to where exactly he was, in town.
At some point in the conversation, he asked me again where I was and I confessed that I was in Park City. He was in disbelief. He told me that he was just thinking to himself, "Gee, she's a really nice girl, but I wish she would play a trick on me."
So, he says to me, "You are MY girl!"
At some point in the conversation, he asked me again where I was and I confessed that I was in Park City. He was in disbelief. He told me that he was just thinking to himself, "Gee, she's a really nice girl, but I wish she would play a trick on me."
So, he says to me, "You are MY girl!"
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Catch and Release
From the first time Frankenstein met me, he wanted to cut my hair. He told me that I am hiding behind my hair. He made it sound so exciting to, by the way he was using his hands and telling me how he will "sculpt it", "shape it" and especially when he said he is going to "release me!" I was sold. I let him have his way with my hair the day after we met.
What I didn't realize was, that sculpting, shaping and releasing interpreted as cutting off 5 inches! If you have read my entry entitled, "A Different Kind of Catch", you will know that I am not a stranger to short hair, but for the first time in my life, I was actually enjoying my hair being long. When I looked in the mirror after he cut my hair, I had to hold back the tears. I looked like Orphin Annie. I put on a happy face, but I did not pretend to like it. One thing I have learned about hair is that it always grows back.
Grandpa took Guy out fishing last week for the first time and Guy caught a fish! It was pretty exciting for him. He had a good time and he was fascinated by the fish that he caught. He kept looking and it and he showed it to anyone who happened to pass by. When we got home he showed it off to Uncle Aaron and his friends next door.
I hopped in the shower to get ready to go dancing and as I was getting out, a thought hit me. Guy has caught his "Big Foosh" and I caught mine!
What I didn't realize was, that sculpting, shaping and releasing interpreted as cutting off 5 inches! If you have read my entry entitled, "A Different Kind of Catch", you will know that I am not a stranger to short hair, but for the first time in my life, I was actually enjoying my hair being long. When I looked in the mirror after he cut my hair, I had to hold back the tears. I looked like Orphin Annie. I put on a happy face, but I did not pretend to like it. One thing I have learned about hair is that it always grows back.
Grandpa took Guy out fishing last week for the first time and Guy caught a fish! It was pretty exciting for him. He had a good time and he was fascinated by the fish that he caught. He kept looking and it and he showed it to anyone who happened to pass by. When we got home he showed it off to Uncle Aaron and his friends next door.
I hopped in the shower to get ready to go dancing and as I was getting out, a thought hit me. Guy has caught his "Big Foosh" and I caught mine!
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Working Mother
As of Monday I will be a working woman again. I was called back for a second interview on Tuesday for a part time job in Orem as a recepionist. My plan is to take Guy to Daycare in the morning while I study, then I will go to work in the afternoon.
Called to Serve
I was called a couple weeks ago to be a sunday school teacher, but my records haven't even arived yet, for some reason. I was called to teach the 7 year olds. I have taught in primary before. I used to teach the Sunbeams. There were about 10 kids in the class and most of them were active. It was a challenge to simply get the message across. I wish I could have been more creative in keeping their attention by getting them involved.
I remember one Mother's Day when I was able to attend Sunday School and Relief Society for a change. I was so overcome by the Spirit that I started to cry. I was sitting next to some friends of mine and they asked me what was wrong. "I can feel the Spirit!" I sobbed.
Last week was my first time teaching the class. The lesson was on Missionary work. I would like to put in a little more preparation time into the lessons next time, but it was a good chance for me to get to know the kids better. I brought a piggy bank for each of them to start a mission fund with.
I remember one Mother's Day when I was able to attend Sunday School and Relief Society for a change. I was so overcome by the Spirit that I started to cry. I was sitting next to some friends of mine and they asked me what was wrong. "I can feel the Spirit!" I sobbed.
Last week was my first time teaching the class. The lesson was on Missionary work. I would like to put in a little more preparation time into the lessons next time, but it was a good chance for me to get to know the kids better. I brought a piggy bank for each of them to start a mission fund with.
"Mommy, You Find My Daddy"
For a couple years now, I have been praying to find a father for Guy. I even stopped praying for a little while, because I figured Got knew what I was going to say and he must be tired of hearing me ask. Occasionally I mention it when I say a bedtime prayer with Guy.
The morning after the July 4th, Guy woke up and after telling me good morning and giving me a hug, he said, "Mommy, you find my Daddy." Then he repeated it, "Mommy, you find mine own Daddy." Then he started asking where his Daddy was, and went out the bedroom door to look for him.
Frankenstein was with me when I tucked Guy in bed, the night before and he expected him to still be there. Guy was telling me that I have found his Daddy.
The morning after the July 4th, Guy woke up and after telling me good morning and giving me a hug, he said, "Mommy, you find my Daddy." Then he repeated it, "Mommy, you find mine own Daddy." Then he started asking where his Daddy was, and went out the bedroom door to look for him.
Frankenstein was with me when I tucked Guy in bed, the night before and he expected him to still be there. Guy was telling me that I have found his Daddy.
To Stop a Runaway Train
I was browsing the profiles online and I read one that started out about how he would like to find a woman with a child that he could take care of, I was impressed from the beginning. Not only was I impressed by his kind heart, but by his huge muscles, brown skin and bleached blonde hair, his sense of humor, his positive attitude and his fashion and flair.
I will refer to him as Frankenstien, per his request. I sent him an email asking about what foreign films he has seen because I noticed he said that was the type of movies he prefers. We emailed each other a few times. I was unsure at how interested he was in me because he took so long to get back to me sometimes. I took a chance and invited him to come to a ska show that I was dedicated to see. He called me on the phone and we talked for a good while. I found him amusing and refreshingly light hearted. He appreciated how honest and real I seemed.
He was not positive that he would be able to make it to the concert, but he seemed sincerely interested in making it if he could. I was prepared to go alone anyway, so it didn't bother me. I sent my son over to a neighbor's house for the evening, even though my friend and her daughter were staying here at the time, I could tell she did not want to be burdened with the task. My dad was not here to watch him either because he and my brother and his wife went camping from Thursday night through Monday afternoon.
I went to see the Slackers in downtown SLC, and it was a delightful show. The opening band was pretty lame and everyone was anxious for them to be done, but the Slackers made up for it. I found a spot in the rear of all the dancers and danced the night away. Occasionally I would look out in the crowd behind me to see if Frankenstein had arrived, but the show ended and I never saw him.
I checked my phone and found out that he was waiting for me outside. He told me later that he had been waiting for an hour for me. He even left a couple times, but came back. We think it may have been love at first sight. There were sparks flying around in the car, some one was sure to get kissed.
I had to get back home to get my son from the neighbor's house, so I invited him to come to my house where we could get to know each other better. He followed me home and he stayed for several hours. We talked and giggled and cuddled and kissed. He even tried to talk me into eloping to Las Vegas at that very moment.
I honestly wish I still had the courage to do such a spontanious act, but I promised myself that I would take my time before I committed to marriage again, especially since my first marriage happened so very quickly, then turned out so very rotten.
I will refer to him as Frankenstien, per his request. I sent him an email asking about what foreign films he has seen because I noticed he said that was the type of movies he prefers. We emailed each other a few times. I was unsure at how interested he was in me because he took so long to get back to me sometimes. I took a chance and invited him to come to a ska show that I was dedicated to see. He called me on the phone and we talked for a good while. I found him amusing and refreshingly light hearted. He appreciated how honest and real I seemed.
He was not positive that he would be able to make it to the concert, but he seemed sincerely interested in making it if he could. I was prepared to go alone anyway, so it didn't bother me. I sent my son over to a neighbor's house for the evening, even though my friend and her daughter were staying here at the time, I could tell she did not want to be burdened with the task. My dad was not here to watch him either because he and my brother and his wife went camping from Thursday night through Monday afternoon.
I went to see the Slackers in downtown SLC, and it was a delightful show. The opening band was pretty lame and everyone was anxious for them to be done, but the Slackers made up for it. I found a spot in the rear of all the dancers and danced the night away. Occasionally I would look out in the crowd behind me to see if Frankenstein had arrived, but the show ended and I never saw him.
I checked my phone and found out that he was waiting for me outside. He told me later that he had been waiting for an hour for me. He even left a couple times, but came back. We think it may have been love at first sight. There were sparks flying around in the car, some one was sure to get kissed.
I had to get back home to get my son from the neighbor's house, so I invited him to come to my house where we could get to know each other better. He followed me home and he stayed for several hours. We talked and giggled and cuddled and kissed. He even tried to talk me into eloping to Las Vegas at that very moment.
I honestly wish I still had the courage to do such a spontanious act, but I promised myself that I would take my time before I committed to marriage again, especially since my first marriage happened so very quickly, then turned out so very rotten.
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
The Visitors
I haven't been able to write much because I have been entertaining company. An old friend of mine and her daughter have been staying with us. She is about 5 minths along in her second pregnancy and she hoped that she could come and visit to have her spirits lifted while her daughter got to make friends with my son.
It has been less than a piece of cake having her daughter around. She has refused to get along with Guy, although he has been most generous and friendly towards her. He has been sharing his toys, like he always does, but she becomes posessive over his toys and tries to take them from him. She picks fights with him, and I bust Guy for pushing or hitting her back, but her mom lets her get away with minimal punishment, so Guy feels picked on. She will even Screech at the top of her lungs if he even comes close to her, if even just to pass her by. The advice I gave Guy was to just turn around and walk away if she comes after him. Of course that is hard to remember in the heat of the moment, but he has done exceptionally well.
I have tried to work it out to take turns playing referee with them, but my friend's daughter would rather follow her mother, so she has not had a break because she is being so demanding. Her daughter has had diarea the whole trip, and no change of diet has made any difference. I suggested that she might be teething. Well, last night my friend found two new mollars in her daughter's mouth. This was probably the cause of some of her crankiness.
Guy has had enough of her and he started saying that he doesn't like her. Last night as I was putting him to bed he told me, "Mommy, me crying." (which he wasn't litterally, but he was sad). I asked him why he was so sad. "Me no like two girls." he said. It made my heart ache that he would feel that way, because I could tell that his feelings were hurt. I assured him that I still love him and that we only have to put up with them for two more days.
I regret that my friend has not been able to have a more enjoyable stay with us, which it would have been, minus her daughter. I have been doing all the dishes, at least a full load every day, I gave up my room to them, (last night I slept on the couch downstairs), I have been paying for groceries and gas and a few costs for all the activities that we have been doing, I even bought a couple toys for each of the kids. I just want her to know that I care about her and I want to ease her burden a bit.
It has been less than a piece of cake having her daughter around. She has refused to get along with Guy, although he has been most generous and friendly towards her. He has been sharing his toys, like he always does, but she becomes posessive over his toys and tries to take them from him. She picks fights with him, and I bust Guy for pushing or hitting her back, but her mom lets her get away with minimal punishment, so Guy feels picked on. She will even Screech at the top of her lungs if he even comes close to her, if even just to pass her by. The advice I gave Guy was to just turn around and walk away if she comes after him. Of course that is hard to remember in the heat of the moment, but he has done exceptionally well.
I have tried to work it out to take turns playing referee with them, but my friend's daughter would rather follow her mother, so she has not had a break because she is being so demanding. Her daughter has had diarea the whole trip, and no change of diet has made any difference. I suggested that she might be teething. Well, last night my friend found two new mollars in her daughter's mouth. This was probably the cause of some of her crankiness.
Guy has had enough of her and he started saying that he doesn't like her. Last night as I was putting him to bed he told me, "Mommy, me crying." (which he wasn't litterally, but he was sad). I asked him why he was so sad. "Me no like two girls." he said. It made my heart ache that he would feel that way, because I could tell that his feelings were hurt. I assured him that I still love him and that we only have to put up with them for two more days.
I regret that my friend has not been able to have a more enjoyable stay with us, which it would have been, minus her daughter. I have been doing all the dishes, at least a full load every day, I gave up my room to them, (last night I slept on the couch downstairs), I have been paying for groceries and gas and a few costs for all the activities that we have been doing, I even bought a couple toys for each of the kids. I just want her to know that I care about her and I want to ease her burden a bit.
Monday, July 04, 2005
Sorry to keep you waiting...Life has been happening
I am working on getting some entries posted, I just haven't had a moment to sit down and write them, and they are all building up in my mind. I am anxious to put them down.
I'll give you a glimps of what has happend so far...
I got a new calling at church.
I got a job.
I have been entertaining company.
I went to a terrific Ska concert.
I got a hair cut.
I met Mr. Wonderful.
...and I found out I am pregnant.
OK, just kidding about the last one! But Dang! How does all this happen at once?
I'll give you a glimps of what has happend so far...
I got a new calling at church.
I got a job.
I have been entertaining company.
I went to a terrific Ska concert.
I got a hair cut.
I met Mr. Wonderful.
...and I found out I am pregnant.
OK, just kidding about the last one! But Dang! How does all this happen at once?
Friday, July 01, 2005
A Second Proposal
I have been storing up some thoughts and events to share, but I am having a hard time remembering now what they were. Once again I have been invited to take a road trip to Vegas to get married! He asked me only just a few hours ago. This time, it was a little more tempting than the last offer, but the length of time that we have known eachother was even shorter. We have only emailed eachother a couple times, talked on the phone for the first time last night and met in person for the first time tonight.
I will tell more later. I am too tired now.
I will tell more later. I am too tired now.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Another Lead
Knowing that I would be in Heber City, which is a somewhat short distance from Coalville, which is the last place I knew (I am just going to call my ex-husband X. I think I gave him a new name at one point, but I have forgotten it by now), X's sister and mother were living. I have never been to their house before and the only address I had was a PO box. I only had a few clues to go by so I figured I might have to ask around. It is a small, quaint town and I figured there must be someone who knows them. I started with the General (yes, I said General) Store. I bought a couple candy bars and asked the woman at the register if she knows of (X's sister or mother and where they live). One of the names was familiar to her, but she couldn't think who they were. They gave me a phone book to look them up, but neither of their names were listed.
There was another gentleman there who claimed to know everyone in town. I tried to fill them in with more clues. It turned out, he does know everyone in town. Their house was only a few feet away, just around the corner from the store. Guy and I walked there, but no one was home. We sat on the swing on their porch while we ate our candybars and waited and hoped that they might come home.
We left after a little bit. Guy did not want to go, then he made a scene at another store along the way to the car. After we were in the car and on our way out of town, he requested some water. I was thirsty too and I wanted to get some in town, but I wasn't about to take him in the store with the way he was acting at that moment. So we drove to the next exit but I didn't feel much like going into the Roadhouse Cafe for some water. I decided to turn around and go back to Coalville for some water and to see again if anyone was home and maybe even wait a while.
I got some water at a gas station, then pulled up at their house again. I was in luck, X's Niece was home. She did not recognize me, but she knew when I told her my name. She let me in and gave me her mother's cell phone #. I asked about her grandmother and she said she moved to Idaho and she has not talked to her since she moved. I even asked her if she has heard from X recently. She doesn't know anything about him since he had his memory loss.
I was glad to have X's sister's number. I will be giving her a call and finding out what she might know. Then I will get her mother's # from her so I can bug her too.
There was another gentleman there who claimed to know everyone in town. I tried to fill them in with more clues. It turned out, he does know everyone in town. Their house was only a few feet away, just around the corner from the store. Guy and I walked there, but no one was home. We sat on the swing on their porch while we ate our candybars and waited and hoped that they might come home.
We left after a little bit. Guy did not want to go, then he made a scene at another store along the way to the car. After we were in the car and on our way out of town, he requested some water. I was thirsty too and I wanted to get some in town, but I wasn't about to take him in the store with the way he was acting at that moment. So we drove to the next exit but I didn't feel much like going into the Roadhouse Cafe for some water. I decided to turn around and go back to Coalville for some water and to see again if anyone was home and maybe even wait a while.
I got some water at a gas station, then pulled up at their house again. I was in luck, X's Niece was home. She did not recognize me, but she knew when I told her my name. She let me in and gave me her mother's cell phone #. I asked about her grandmother and she said she moved to Idaho and she has not talked to her since she moved. I even asked her if she has heard from X recently. She doesn't know anything about him since he had his memory loss.
I was glad to have X's sister's number. I will be giving her a call and finding out what she might know. Then I will get her mother's # from her so I can bug her too.
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