Wednesday, March 01, 2006

my thoughts...

I have a lot on my mind and I am just trying to sort through it all. I need to concentrate on getting through this practice for my job, but I get distracted by what is going on in my life. I need some direction so I can set it all aside and focus in the now.

I think this transcription will go well if I can acually get started. I am trying to find a routine and schedule that works for Guy and I. I look forward to being able to take an occasional day off and having more money so I can enjoy life more fully.

I feel like I need to go to the temple, today if I can. I feel like I need and deserve some answers.
X has been sending me pictures of homes for rent and asking me my thoughts on them. He says he wants to provide a place for Guy and I to live. He also has high hopes of getting back together with me and living in the home with us. I asked him what he would do if we don't get back together, and he didn't seem too concerned. He seems pretty confident that we will. I am pretty confident, otherwise.

Looking at homes makes my heart pitter patter, though. I long to have a little home of my own to decorate and put all my stuff away in, to clean and to invite friends over to visit, not that I have any friends to come visit me, but one can dream. Like everything else, I cannot count on it, so I do better not to think about it. I don't want to be living in a bird cage, with my ex as my owner.
I was going to allow him to watch Guy for me on a regular basis, on the three days in a row that he has off, and allow Guy to stay there with him, but after mentioning it to my parents, and realizing their disapproval, it may cause more contention that I am up for.

I will be attending the YA ward in my stake next Sunday. I think I have my hopes pretty high for that. It will take quite a while to get to know the people in the ward. I was just barely getting to know some people in the YA ward in Cali after attending for a year.

I would also really like to go to more dance exchanges and workshops. I had such a great time in SF. There is an exchange in Sacramento at the end of the month, I am hoping I can get away, but I think it may be a bit too soon after starting a new job. I doubt I will be paid by then and my paychecks from American Crafts rarely last longer than a week. I must promise myself never to to go so long without dancing again, for my own sanity. I hope I can fit some tap class into my schedule, once I can afford it. There is so much that I want to do, and I just feel like my obligations and limited income prevent me from doing it all. I'm sure every one feels that way at times, I just hope that things change for me soon.

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