Wednesday, September 07, 2005

A Second Visit With X

I allowed X to visit with Guy for a second time. Frankenstein was interested in coming with me this time. I think partly out of curiosity and out of a desire to protect me. He is sure that my X wants to get back together with me. I think he has some regrets, but I don't think his intention is to win me over.

We met at the same place. X wore the same thing as he did on the first visit. It was a few days before Guy's birthday so, X brought Guy a birthday party in a bag. Inside the huge Spongebob gift bag was a Spongebob Poster, a package of Spongebob underwear, a yard of Spongebob material, a Spiderman folding chair, cupcakes with Spongebob rings on top and grape bottle shaped drinks.

When their novelty wore off, X went with Guy to play on the playground while Frankenstein and I looked on. Guy was feeling bashful around X. He came back over to us and wanted to play with Frankenstein. X gave Guy a couple more chances to warm up to him, but Guy made it obvious who he prefered. X left after watching on for a few minutes.

I felt badly for X and I tried to encourage Guy to play with him because he wants to be his friend. It was an awkward situation for all of us. We enjoyed our time at the park anyway, after he left.

X wants to see Guy again, but he won't come if he know's that Frankenstein is going to be there. He has not given me any money so far. Granted he gave Guy some birthday gifts, should that count for something?

I am inclined to give him one more chance to come up with some money before I put an end to the visits.

Three Down!

This month was Guy's birthday month. His birthday is August 13th, but we used it as an excuse to celebrate about 5 times. On the night of his actually birthday, we bought a carrot cake and lit the candles in the tent that Frankenstien pitched on the front lawn. We had so much fun singing and exagerating the Birthday song that Guy wanted us to sing it again.

We held off the big party until Grandma came to town. Grandmpa got back with Grandpa on a Friday night and the party was planned for Saturday afternoon. We had a truck load of boxes and furniture to unload and hid away on Saturday morning and still do a few preparations for the party. I could feel a cold coming on that morning and I strained my knee while carrying boxes up the stairs.

I made the final touches of the Sponge Bob Square Pants Cake, early that morning. I started making the cake on Friday morning. It took several steps. The cake was a yellow cake that I punched a few holes in then turned over in a pan and poured green jello over the cake. That set overnight. In the mean time I melted chocolate; white and milk chocolate/peanutbutter chips to make a light brown for his shorts. I poured the chocolate onto some foil on a flat surface to form a sheet. I cut out the pieces to make the eyes, teeth, shirt and shorts. Then I formed arms/hands by cutting licorice ropes and holding them with tooth picks. Then I dipped them in the white chocolate, let them set, then painted them with yellow food coloring. I did the same for the legs. I formed a piece of laughy taffy to make his toung and used colored piping to outline his features. It was one amazing cake.

We had some outside activities, such as jellyfishing. I found some toy fishing/bug nets and I inflated some water balloons with helium that I flung into the air as the kids gathered around to catch them in their nets.

For decor off of the balcony, I hung a fishing net and hung some other jellyfishes that I made from balloons and pink tights that I cut and sewed to fit over clear balloons with tenticles and spots and all.

Then we went inside for some home made Crabby Patties, hamburgers, hot dogs and fruit salad. Even the ice cubes were star shaped.

After that we went back outside for a sponge toss.

We came in again for cake and ice cream. When I brought out the cake, everyone OOoohed and Aaahhed. Between my brother and his wife I think they took about a roll of pictures of the cake before anyone could touch it. Everyone Ooohhed and Aaahhhed. The pictures that Aaron took with my dad's new digital camera ALL got accidentally erased. And I still haven't seen the one's that Kari took.

Mental Note: I need a digital camera, badly.

Finally Guy got to open his presents. Everyone gathered around and all eyes were on him when he blurts out, "I gotta go Pee!"

He was just starting to go on the toilet on a regular basis. He was doing good with going pee, but the poop was still ending up in his pants. I was so proud of him though, for not being embarrased to go when he needed to.

He got some really special and fun gifts from his friends, including some hand drawn cards from the girls behind us.

Happy 3rd Birthday, My Guy Smiley!

Thursday, August 25, 2005

What's in a Dream?

I rarely remember my dreams, and when I do they don't seem to have much significance. I often wish I did. I think it's a great way to get in touch with our subconciences.

I recently dreamed that I was ripe in a pregnancy. Then I was in the delivery room and discovered that there were some complications. I was wisked away to the operating room. There was some question as to whether the baby would survive. I awoke before I found out the result.

I looked it up in a dream dictionary and it suggested that when a woman dreams she is pregnant, it indicates that there are either many changes or a major change going on in my life. It also indicated that it was of a creative nature. When in the dream the baby dies, it is a feeling of failure, as though nothing I try to do goes right.

That is just how I was feeling about my relationship with Frankenstien. It was shortly after my father laid down some rules that disallowed me to see Frankenstein. I was feeling as though nothing had changed, that this too would turn out just as all my other relathionships had where my parents forced me to break it off because they weren't good enough. That or teh boy broke it off with me because they came to the same conclusion on their own.

A day later my mother called me. I missed her call, but I called her back to see what she needed. She said she just wanted to check in with me because she had a dream where I called out to her saying, "MOM"! She felt that perhaps I was in a time of need but she has not been here for me.

I have never really been able to open up to my mother. I am careful about what kinds of issues I seek her advice on. In most cases, I know her opinion so I don't bother asking. I know she wishes we could be closer. She would like for me to be the sister she never had. I try to make sure she knows I love and appreciate her, but it requires some thought on my part.

Perhaps I need her and rely on her more than I realize

Frankenstein had a dream that tops the other two. He dreamed that we were in some other country in a high rise appartment. There was a garage sale across the street and I kept going over to get this and that.

Later we got dressed and went to our own wedding. I was in a white dress and he had a jacket on. There was a croud of people standing around us. The ceremony was brief. I said, "I do". Then when it came time for him to say, "I do".... the croud dispursed just before he spoke and he realized no one had heard him say, "I do".

He was offended that they left so quickly, so he said it a few times more in a louder voice. He gave up. Then he looked down at his feet and realized that he was wearing only boxer shorts. He had forgotten to put on his pants!

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Do I Know You?

A few weeks ago, I took Guy up to this park to play in the water area they have. On my way there, I figured I would call Guy's Dad and see if he would be available for a visit with Guy, since we would be so near his house.

X was available for an hour or so and he came up to meet us. In the pictures I have seen of him online, he appeared as though he had a penciled in mustache, but after seeing him in person, I realized it is a tattoo! I never heard of such a thing as a tatto mustache. But there it was with his pink striped shirt and his purple polka dot tie and his black vest, two tone shoes and a brim hat. I wonder how many other looks he has experimented with since I have seen him. Last time he had the bridge in his nose pierced and he thought he was a Greaser. Today he reminds me of Lee of Lee Press on and the Nails.

We made light conversation about Guy and about what he has been up to while we followed Guy around the play area. He brought two children's books for Guy and one for me to read, entitled, "The Power of Now". It is one of several that he has asked that I read before he allows me to read his journal of the events following his memory loss. I skimmed through it to understand where he is coming from. It has some valid points. It even includes references to the Bible, as well as to Budism. However, I disagree with his philosophy about Jesus Christ. He only gives him credit for being a man who attained an expecially great level of spirituallity. I hope X isn't trying to convert me.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

"Ground Patrol to Major Tom"

I am having that dreaded feeling that I get occasionally. It's as if I were lost and floating in space and I don't know which direction is up, therefore I don't know in which direction to go. If you have ever seen the movie Fire in the Sky, it's like the part when he awakens from the gel cocoon. Once he is out of the cocoon he finds himself in the center of a vast cylinder where the walls are lined with thousands of cocoons, as far as he can see in one direction. In the other direction he sees his own key chain that belonged to him. There is a light in the direction of the key chain and he floats towards it. Once he grasps it, he looks up and sees space suits. By their form, one can tell that obviously belong to aliens. He walks over for a closer look. After a moment an alien enters the room. He runs in the other direction and ducks into a tube-like pathway where he has to crawl through. He is struggling to get away from the aliens and they are faster and skinnier and stronger than him. As he is crawling he bumps a pair of child size glazzes and they begin to float in front of him. The aliens grab his legs and pull him back out of the tunnel. At this point he starts crying out. There are several of them now and they take him back to the room where the space suits were. An examination table comes up from the floor. They hold him down while some sheets of shrink plastic come from above. Then steam shot down from the ceiling and the plastic clung tightly to his body, including his face, and over the sides of the table. They cut a hole over his mouth and nose, then they stuff his mouth with this brown gel to keep him from yelling. Then they proceed to do an examination on him, poking and prodding...etc.

When I feel as if I am floating, I almost wish some aliens would start chasing me because at least then I would know which direction I don't want to go. I would have a get away from the aliens. As it is, I feel lost and I don't know which way to run. I suppose it's a similar instinct that keeps people in an abusive relationship. Because it is familiar to them. I am in no way suggesting that I am in an abusive relationship, but the thought ust occured to me.

I do feel like I am stuck in a rut, though. I need to find a way to break it and I'm not sure what the change is that I need to make. As I have mentioned, in my High School Nightmare entry, I have a habbit of being attracted to/dating guys that are a bit rebelious in nature. I think I am attracted to the excitement and adventure. I don't like to do things the way others do and we can relate to eachother in that regard. Frankenstein is what you might call a reformed bad boy. He has done it his own way all his life, but he has made some changes in his life and wants to do it The Lord's way now. This has built character in him. He has had everything and he has had nothing. He appreciates even the simplest things in life. He is fun loving and happy, yet he has a sence of reality where he does not play games. Instead, he is open and honest with me and those around him. He says just what is on his mind, instead of hinting or sulking to get attention.

He has brought a breath of fresh air to my life. He supports me in everything I do. He helps with caring for my son. I know Guy loves him, too. He loves to go things for me and give me things. He is always complimentary towards me. He is also extreemely understanding of the importance of my relationship with my parents. Although he has been hurt by some of the things my father has said, he understands that they are trying to protect me. Besides that, they have an investment in my success in life.

We still talk about and hope to be married some day, but we realize that it is still very early in our relationship. In an effort to avoid wasting time in a relationship that may not work out, I tend to hope for an answer to a prayer at the beginning to know if it is right. This would also ease the heartbreak if I broke it off soon rather than late.

A few days after we met, I fasted to know if I should continue dating Fankenstein. I received a confirmation that, yes it's ok for me to be dating him. I sorta told God that I will need him to continue to assure me, because I want to be sure, and I am not confident in myself. ( I need to have more faith and confidence in God) A week later, I was filled with The Spirit as the thought came to me the night Guy caught his first fish, "You caught your fish."

(As I was typing this, The Spirit was telling me that I need to have more faith and rely on the answers that he has already given me.)

I held to that up until the time my dad forbade me to take the car to see him and suggested that I break it off with him. Then the thought came to me that I should break it off with him until he gets a car. Which would have made my parents happy and it would keep me from having to lie to my father when I meet Frankenstein in Salt Lake. I did not feel The Spirit at the time. I don't know if it's because it's not what I wanted to hear or if it was simply a thought in my head.

This morning, I got out of bed with a feeling that I needed to get on my knees because there was somthing important that I needed to hear. I told The Lord that I am listening and I want to hear what it is that he needs to tell me. I cleared my mind of all my thoughts for a minute. Then the sentence, "(Frankenstein) is not for you." came into my head, but The Spirit did not come with it. I tried to clear my mind again and it came again, "(Frankenstein) is not for you."...then several times more I heard it, but it was not comforting.

So, I asked, "Well, then what?.." The next thought was that I should get back together with my exhusband. I know that can't be right! Perhaps he is casting some Voo Doo spell on me to try to get me to get back together with him.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Living My High School Nightmare...Again..

My High School memories are filled with thrift store shopping and sneaking out of the house to see my boyfriend.

It was a dreadful time for me that I have been so releived to have over with. I hated the restrictions that my parents put on me in an attempt to keep me safe. It began from the time that I started dating, which was shortly before my 16th birthday. I was asked to go to the Homecoming dance of a guy I had met at a church dance. He went to another school than I did, but our dances were on the same weekend and I assumed that his was on Saturday, as mine was. You can imagine my surprise when he showed up at my house to pick my up on Friday evening!
But, that's another story....

It was a friend of his that I started going steady with. His name was Cosmos. That was really his name. My parents were out of town one weekend and I was invited to go to a movie with him, but I was not of the dating age of 16. My parents made an exception and allowed me to attend the dance with his friend, but I knew they would not approve of my going out with Cosmos. If for no other reason, than the fact that he was of African American descent.

Since then, they began to put restrictions on me, and curfues, spying on me, listening to phone conversations, and reading my journals. This did not change my behavior, it merely improved my ability to lie to them. They eventually forbade me to see him.

Our relationship eventually ended after countles lectures and a few counselling sessions, I broke it off with Cosmos. It was not hard because I found a new boyfriend. Another one whom my parents did not approve of. He was white, but he was not active in the church. His father had been excommunicated and his step mother was an editor for an Anti-Mormon magazine in Salt Lake. We continued to see each other for a few years off and on. I broke it off with him at least 5 times at the request of my parents. He finally got tired of me breaking it off with him, and found another girlfriend.

I suppose my parents might have taken similar action when I was dating my ex-husband, but I was living in Provo while we met and dated. They didn't meet him until we announced our engagement while we came out to visit them for a few days. I suspect they would have liked to, once they got to know him more.

Here I am single again and pushing 30, and living with my parents once more. I still don't own my own car, and they are still kind enough to provide one for me. I was paying on it when I was able to afford it, but not presently. In fact I am not even driving the car that is designated for me. I traded with my mother, temporarily when I moved out here because mine was not ready to go in time.

When my mother found out that I have been using her car to drive to my boyfriend's house, (which is 40 min away) every few days, she was not happy about it. After coming home late one night from Frankenstein's house I didn't knock on my dad's door to let him know I was home, so he was up all night worrying about me.

The next day he began to drill me about Frankenstien. I know my dad likes him as a person, but apparently he doesn't quite meet his expectations in order to date his daughter. I was annoyed after a few mintues and walked out of the conversation. He then typed out a full paged letter with explicit restrictions on my use of the car. In essence, I cannot use the car to see Frankenstein. He must come to my house with a car to pick me up, (well he doesn't have a car right now either).

This extended to any other guy I might go on a date with. He said he would watch Guy for me only if I am going on a date with a man who is temple worthy, has a car and has had a steady job for at least 6 months. (My dad has not had a steady job in the last two years.)

It is this kind of restriction that has caused me to shut off the communication with my parents. I have learned to lie, and hide what I am doing to avoid their scorn. I thought things had changed between us, but I suppose that was only while I wasn't dating.

I use Guy as an excuse, but I really need to start earning enough money to support myself and Guy, so I can be independant and have some self respect.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

The Inexperienced Experts

Guy has recently started throwing some nasty fits, including kicking and screaming and hitting and biting. I have had to haul him up to his room to remove him from the situation. It's a good thing I am so tough or I may not have been able to handle him without being hurt by him. I was letting him work it out by himself in his room. He would throw things at the door, or hit it and he would yell and scream, "MOMMY GET BACK HERE!", "OPEN DOOR!"

I was leaving him in there until he could calm himself down, but what I am realizing is that he usually needs some help to calm down when he is that upset. Now when I have to put him in his room, I only leave him for a minute or less and when I open the door he comes to me with open arms, asking me for a hug and ready with an apology.

Before I realized this, we were concerned with how to deal with these outbursts. My dad was unnerved by it and wondered how it would be if he were a teen ager and could not control his temper.

My brother opened up and in an effort to help us said that if we are interested in seeking their advice they would be glad to help us.

*Let it be known that my brother and his wife do not have any children.*
*Let it also be know that until this point, they had also never watched Guy for me for even an hour.*

My dad relayed to me from a conversation that he had with my brother when he said that they are not exactly Virgins when it comes to raising children.........???????

Are they stashing some kids in their closet downstairs? How can you be experienced in something you have never fully experienced? They consider the one and one half years that they were the Ward Nursery leaders as child rearing experience???!!

Granted it can be a challenging calling and it does take some knowledge in child behavior, but it is very different from being a parent. Children often act differently with other adults that they do with their own parents, usually better. The Nursery leaders give me nothing but praise for how well behaved Guy is in their class. For example she recently shared with me how one of the girls in the class was sick and Guy thought on his own to bring her a blanket and a stuffed animal to comfort her.

My brother had a birthday and the custom is for them to have dinner with her family at their house. They choose to have the birthday dinner at our house this time. We greeted them outside, as Guy had been playing out front. Instead of the usual enthusiastic, "Hi big Guy, how are you? Give me five!" When I introduced them they had this strange cold look on their face. I know now what they were thinking... ("Ah, so this is the problem child and his poor, naive mother.")

After the blowing out of the candles on the cake, my sister-in-law's mother invites my dad to tell us what kind of a child Aaron was. My dad was proud to say that he was as straight as an arrow and wanted nothing more than to please his parents and to be a missionary, which is the truth.

Then she began to tell about what a problem child her daughter was.....and then one day.....she went to this class at Education week at BYU....and her problems were solved by this Behavioral Psychologist. All she had to do was impliment his simple techniques and voila! Model children!

She went on for an hour telling us her story to her captive audience, as we were eating birthday cake. I made some comment and she asked, "Do you have a Kari, too?" I wish I had said, "No, I have a Guy Smiley".

Guy's issues are different than those that Kari had and I will find a way to correct his behavior in a way different than the system she implied.

I have already been doing mostly what this philosophy discussed, but I can't see that I should have to give my child a toy reward every time he does something good. Praise and self gratification should be sufficient. Otherwise I am teaching him that he should expect something from me every time he does anything good.

This is week old news and Kari volunteered to watch Guy for me, for the first time last night so that I could attend this "Sock-baring-forbidden, Sock Hop" at BYU. In which they all seemed to have high hopes for me to meet "the man of my dreams" at.

Dating Shmmating

Frankenstein has been encouraging me to continue to date other guys. There are honestly, no others that I am interested in, especially when compared to him.

When I got a call from the guy that I met in the park several weeks ago, that I was supposed to go to his house for a BBQ, but Guy got sick, then I found him online later that day, then stood me up when we were supposed to go for a walk one know, that guy that I haven't given a name. He called me to let me know that he and his daughter would be at the park for a few hours that evening and invited Guy and I to come out with them. So, I met up with him for about half an hour.

The next week I met up with someone new from online. We met at the Purple Turtle, this odd looking purple hamburger joint in town. His picture didn't show enough detail for me to see that he really wasn't all that attractive. He seemed pretty dull and boring. He told me about two occasions where he had been to the temple on a date, the second time with two women. He said how he thought it irreverent how she kept leaning over in her seat to flash a smile at him. The poor girl probably thought she was going to have a ring on her finger by the time the night was over.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

3.2.1. Contact

I never did call my ex-sister in law to try to find my ex. Instead, he found me. I got a message from him through one of the friend network sites that I belong to. He says he has been praying to find me, too. I guess he lost my phone number..?

I had arrangements to meet up with him a couple weeks ago, and I decided to bring Frankenstein along with me, which made me an hour late for our appointment and I missed him by a few minutes.

He has contacted me to meet up again. His intention is to become a part of Guy's life again and mine is to get information from him regarding his memory loss for the purpose of writing a book about it. I informed him yesterday that I have not yet made a decision regarding whether or not I am going to permit him to have visitation rights with Guy, considering that the only contribution that he has made for him where the shirts that he sent at Christmas time. Besides that I have not received one cent from him. I asked him to tell me what he would like and I told him I would consider it in making my decision.

I think my email was a bit of a reality check for him. He said he needs some time to think about it or, " be with his feelings for a while". He is such a different person, including his manner of speech.

I said that I don't give a damn about him, but the truth is I do care, I just try to protect myself from being hurt again.

Trixs Are For Frankenstein

I was on my way to go dancing last Friday, when I realized I didn't have enough cash on my to get in. I could have stopped somewhere and got some cash back, but I had another idea that beat that one all to pieces. At some point before I should have turned off to go dancing, I decided to keep on going through to Park City and surprise Frankenstein. I was supposed to call him around 10pm and I told him that I was on my way to go dancing, when in actuallity I was in Park City searching him for clues as to where exactly he was, in town.

At some point in the conversation, he asked me again where I was and I confessed that I was in Park City. He was in disbelief. He told me that he was just thinking to himself, "Gee, she's a really nice girl, but I wish she would play a trick on me."

So, he says to me, "You are MY girl!"

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Catch and Release

From the first time Frankenstein met me, he wanted to cut my hair. He told me that I am hiding behind my hair. He made it sound so exciting to, by the way he was using his hands and telling me how he will "sculpt it", "shape it" and especially when he said he is going to "release me!" I was sold. I let him have his way with my hair the day after we met.

What I didn't realize was, that sculpting, shaping and releasing interpreted as cutting off 5 inches! If you have read my entry entitled, "A Different Kind of Catch", you will know that I am not a stranger to short hair, but for the first time in my life, I was actually enjoying my hair being long. When I looked in the mirror after he cut my hair, I had to hold back the tears. I looked like Orphin Annie. I put on a happy face, but I did not pretend to like it. One thing I have learned about hair is that it always grows back.

Grandpa took Guy out fishing last week for the first time and Guy caught a fish! It was pretty exciting for him. He had a good time and he was fascinated by the fish that he caught. He kept looking and it and he showed it to anyone who happened to pass by. When we got home he showed it off to Uncle Aaron and his friends next door.

I hopped in the shower to get ready to go dancing and as I was getting out, a thought hit me. Guy has caught his "Big Foosh" and I caught mine!

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Working Mother

As of Monday I will be a working woman again. I was called back for a second interview on Tuesday for a part time job in Orem as a recepionist. My plan is to take Guy to Daycare in the morning while I study, then I will go to work in the afternoon.

Called to Serve

I was called a couple weeks ago to be a sunday school teacher, but my records haven't even arived yet, for some reason. I was called to teach the 7 year olds. I have taught in primary before. I used to teach the Sunbeams. There were about 10 kids in the class and most of them were active. It was a challenge to simply get the message across. I wish I could have been more creative in keeping their attention by getting them involved.

I remember one Mother's Day when I was able to attend Sunday School and Relief Society for a change. I was so overcome by the Spirit that I started to cry. I was sitting next to some friends of mine and they asked me what was wrong. "I can feel the Spirit!" I sobbed.

Last week was my first time teaching the class. The lesson was on Missionary work. I would like to put in a little more preparation time into the lessons next time, but it was a good chance for me to get to know the kids better. I brought a piggy bank for each of them to start a mission fund with.

"Mommy, You Find My Daddy"

For a couple years now, I have been praying to find a father for Guy. I even stopped praying for a little while, because I figured Got knew what I was going to say and he must be tired of hearing me ask. Occasionally I mention it when I say a bedtime prayer with Guy.

The morning after the July 4th, Guy woke up and after telling me good morning and giving me a hug, he said, "Mommy, you find my Daddy." Then he repeated it, "Mommy, you find mine own Daddy." Then he started asking where his Daddy was, and went out the bedroom door to look for him.

Frankenstein was with me when I tucked Guy in bed, the night before and he expected him to still be there. Guy was telling me that I have found his Daddy.

To Stop a Runaway Train

I was browsing the profiles online and I read one that started out about how he would like to find a woman with a child that he could take care of, I was impressed from the beginning. Not only was I impressed by his kind heart, but by his huge muscles, brown skin and bleached blonde hair, his sense of humor, his positive attitude and his fashion and flair.

I will refer to him as Frankenstien, per his request. I sent him an email asking about what foreign films he has seen because I noticed he said that was the type of movies he prefers. We emailed each other a few times. I was unsure at how interested he was in me because he took so long to get back to me sometimes. I took a chance and invited him to come to a ska show that I was dedicated to see. He called me on the phone and we talked for a good while. I found him amusing and refreshingly light hearted. He appreciated how honest and real I seemed.

He was not positive that he would be able to make it to the concert, but he seemed sincerely interested in making it if he could. I was prepared to go alone anyway, so it didn't bother me. I sent my son over to a neighbor's house for the evening, even though my friend and her daughter were staying here at the time, I could tell she did not want to be burdened with the task. My dad was not here to watch him either because he and my brother and his wife went camping from Thursday night through Monday afternoon.

I went to see the Slackers in downtown SLC, and it was a delightful show. The opening band was pretty lame and everyone was anxious for them to be done, but the Slackers made up for it. I found a spot in the rear of all the dancers and danced the night away. Occasionally I would look out in the crowd behind me to see if Frankenstein had arrived, but the show ended and I never saw him.

I checked my phone and found out that he was waiting for me outside. He told me later that he had been waiting for an hour for me. He even left a couple times, but came back. We think it may have been love at first sight. There were sparks flying around in the car, some one was sure to get kissed.

I had to get back home to get my son from the neighbor's house, so I invited him to come to my house where we could get to know each other better. He followed me home and he stayed for several hours. We talked and giggled and cuddled and kissed. He even tried to talk me into eloping to Las Vegas at that very moment.

I honestly wish I still had the courage to do such a spontanious act, but I promised myself that I would take my time before I committed to marriage again, especially since my first marriage happened so very quickly, then turned out so very rotten.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

The Visitors

I haven't been able to write much because I have been entertaining company. An old friend of mine and her daughter have been staying with us. She is about 5 minths along in her second pregnancy and she hoped that she could come and visit to have her spirits lifted while her daughter got to make friends with my son.

It has been less than a piece of cake having her daughter around. She has refused to get along with Guy, although he has been most generous and friendly towards her. He has been sharing his toys, like he always does, but she becomes posessive over his toys and tries to take them from him. She picks fights with him, and I bust Guy for pushing or hitting her back, but her mom lets her get away with minimal punishment, so Guy feels picked on. She will even Screech at the top of her lungs if he even comes close to her, if even just to pass her by. The advice I gave Guy was to just turn around and walk away if she comes after him. Of course that is hard to remember in the heat of the moment, but he has done exceptionally well.

I have tried to work it out to take turns playing referee with them, but my friend's daughter would rather follow her mother, so she has not had a break because she is being so demanding. Her daughter has had diarea the whole trip, and no change of diet has made any difference. I suggested that she might be teething. Well, last night my friend found two new mollars in her daughter's mouth. This was probably the cause of some of her crankiness.

Guy has had enough of her and he started saying that he doesn't like her. Last night as I was putting him to bed he told me, "Mommy, me crying." (which he wasn't litterally, but he was sad). I asked him why he was so sad. "Me no like two girls." he said. It made my heart ache that he would feel that way, because I could tell that his feelings were hurt. I assured him that I still love him and that we only have to put up with them for two more days.

I regret that my friend has not been able to have a more enjoyable stay with us, which it would have been, minus her daughter. I have been doing all the dishes, at least a full load every day, I gave up my room to them, (last night I slept on the couch downstairs), I have been paying for groceries and gas and a few costs for all the activities that we have been doing, I even bought a couple toys for each of the kids. I just want her to know that I care about her and I want to ease her burden a bit.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Sorry to keep you waiting...Life has been happening

I am working on getting some entries posted, I just haven't had a moment to sit down and write them, and they are all building up in my mind. I am anxious to put them down.

I'll give you a glimps of what has happend so far...

I got a new calling at church.
I got a job.
I have been entertaining company.
I went to a terrific Ska concert.
I got a hair cut.
I met Mr. Wonderful.
...and I found out I am pregnant.

OK, just kidding about the last one! But Dang! How does all this happen at once?

Friday, July 01, 2005

A Second Proposal

I have been storing up some thoughts and events to share, but I am having a hard time remembering now what they were. Once again I have been invited to take a road trip to Vegas to get married! He asked me only just a few hours ago. This time, it was a little more tempting than the last offer, but the length of time that we have known eachother was even shorter. We have only emailed eachother a couple times, talked on the phone for the first time last night and met in person for the first time tonight.

I will tell more later. I am too tired now.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Another Lead

Knowing that I would be in Heber City, which is a somewhat short distance from Coalville, which is the last place I knew (I am just going to call my ex-husband X. I think I gave him a new name at one point, but I have forgotten it by now), X's sister and mother were living. I have never been to their house before and the only address I had was a PO box. I only had a few clues to go by so I figured I might have to ask around. It is a small, quaint town and I figured there must be someone who knows them. I started with the General (yes, I said General) Store. I bought a couple candy bars and asked the woman at the register if she knows of (X's sister or mother and where they live). One of the names was familiar to her, but she couldn't think who they were. They gave me a phone book to look them up, but neither of their names were listed.

There was another gentleman there who claimed to know everyone in town. I tried to fill them in with more clues. It turned out, he does know everyone in town. Their house was only a few feet away, just around the corner from the store. Guy and I walked there, but no one was home. We sat on the swing on their porch while we ate our candybars and waited and hoped that they might come home.

We left after a little bit. Guy did not want to go, then he made a scene at another store along the way to the car. After we were in the car and on our way out of town, he requested some water. I was thirsty too and I wanted to get some in town, but I wasn't about to take him in the store with the way he was acting at that moment. So we drove to the next exit but I didn't feel much like going into the Roadhouse Cafe for some water. I decided to turn around and go back to Coalville for some water and to see again if anyone was home and maybe even wait a while.

I got some water at a gas station, then pulled up at their house again. I was in luck, X's Niece was home. She did not recognize me, but she knew when I told her my name. She let me in and gave me her mother's cell phone #. I asked about her grandmother and she said she moved to Idaho and she has not talked to her since she moved. I even asked her if she has heard from X recently. She doesn't know anything about him since he had his memory loss.

I was glad to have X's sister's number. I will be giving her a call and finding out what she might know. Then I will get her mother's # from her so I can bug her too.

A Nice Day for a ...Car Show Wedding?

I took Guy with me to meet up with another guy today. We met up at a car show in Heber City. He enjoys classic cars and he has been doing upholstery restoration for years. He used to own a Corviar, so that is what I will name him.

He gave me a small boquet of dasies and other wild flowers that he picked for me and he gave Guy two little box cars. It has been so long since I have received flowers from a man (besides my father). He looked better in person than in his picture. I think that is the norm. Some of the pictures people put up are so distant, that you can barely see their face, or the lighting is bad, etc. so it is hard to determine how a person will actually look in person.

The first place Guy wanted to go was to the playground. We hung out there for a while and he went down the slide about a dozen times and even dragged myself and Corviar along with him a couple times. Guy wanted to participate in the hoola hoop contest and he won a coin that he could turn in at A&W for a free drink. The lady that gave it to him said, "Have your daddy take you to A&W to get a soda, ok?"

I even gave the ole' hula hoop a try. I cannot keep that thing up like I used to. When I was younger, I was always the last one still twirling. I blame it on the pregnancy, as I do many other things. Anyway it was fun. We looked around some more at the cars. We sat down to enjoy a cold drink and we hear the announcer behind us say, "If I could have your attention please, We are going to have a wedding."

Then they proceeded to play, "Here Comes the Bride" as the groom stepped up onto this platform with a corny arch dangling with a few silk plants. Then came a group of brides maids, followed by the bride. Talk about an original location for a wedding.... 'Surprise everyone! You thought you came to a car show, but now you are all guests for my wedding!...I'm so glad you could come.'

Corviar and Guy and I took off shortly after the ceremony started and got some pizza. As soon as we got seated, it started pouring down rain, as it has done the last few days, as it did in Idaho...clear skies all morning and noon, then at about 4 everyday a rain storm would start. I even saw a double rainbow one afternoon in Idaho, when we were there for a family reunion.

Those poor people getting married must have all been drenched.

Corvair was pretty friendly. He even called me tonight and left me a message thanking for the good time he had with me and that he would like to get together again to get to know me better.

I like when the date makes a follow up call to say that they had a good time. I think it is good manners and it confirms that they really did have a good time, they weren't just saying that to save face, or something. Not that I have suspected anyone of doing that, but it's just nice. My point is I like it.

What I do not like is when I try to break it off with someone and they continue to call me Chino. He called me 5 times on Friday. I missed 3 out of the five and ignored the other two. He still wants me to come with him to his niece's big birthday bash. I left him a message telling him that I don't make a habit of dating married men and I didn't appreciate the way he didn't respect me.

He called me again today. I finally answered after the second call. He explained that I must have misunderstood about the divorce. He told me that it has been final for six months, not that they are six months in the process of... so I apologized for that, but I told him that I still don't want to see him again. He asked me why and told me that if there is something wrong I just need to tell him. So that there was no misunderstanding...I said, "I did tell you and I will tell you again...You were trying to undress me and I didn't appreciate it." I hear him say, "oh.." then the connection is lost.

He called later, which I did not answer, to tell me that his battery died on his phone.

Chino, if you can hear me...I DO NOT WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU ANYMORE!

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

More Than Words

I went out again last night with, the same guy I went Mexican Dancing with. I think I'll name him Chino. We were originally going to go to the lake with Guy, but the weather turned bad, so we went do dinner, just us two. And where did we go, but to an Oriental Buffett.

I had been there before, too with my ex-husband and his mother. Guy was with us then and he had his first taste of solid food. My mother in law was getting a kick out of feeding him tapioca pudding.

Chino ate 8 muscles from the buffett!..among other things. I'm not suggesting that he at too much food, but that seemed like a lot of empty shells on his plate. Is that normal? I kind of suspect not. Isn't it said that they enhance one's sex drive?....Great, as if he needs it.

I began prying to find out more about what happened with his marriage. I asked him how long he has been divorced and he explains that it is six months into the divorce, ie: he is still legally married. Then I ask him why it didn't work out between them. He goes on about how when there is no love, any problem is a big problem. I then asked if he is saying he didn't love her. He proceeded to tell me how when he got off of his mission, his goal was to get married, so he made a list of possible girls that he knew and selected from them. He regrets his decision and he said that he feels like his heart still belonged to some other girl who wasn't a member.

Twelve years they were married. I asked him if he didn't grow to love his wife. He claims that he felt an obligation for her and his children, but that it wasn't enough.

I was not impressed. That obligation is what should have kept him married to his wife. He failed to mention that his divorce is not yet final. That is an issue with me. I did not even go on any dates before I got those papers back from the judge, even if my ex was going around shackin up with other women.

I didn't want to let it ruin the evening, so I moved on to something else. I suggested we go to a movie after dinner. He mentioned that the CD that he coppied for me about ebay sales was back at his place. So he wanted to give that to me and we could watch a movie there.

He just purchased The Passion, which I had not seen, so we watched that. Let me just say, that it is not a good make out movie. He was putting the moves on me the whole time. It was easy for me to resist him, especially with that movie on. I had to let him know a few times what my boundaries were, but he kept coming back and trying again.

I noticed that he wasn't wearing garments. I aske him why. He skirted around the issue, and said he would tell me later. I began to be suspicious about what else he wasn't telling me. I started questioning him. I asked him if he had an affiar, or if he has been intimate with other women since he and his wife split up. He dodged them like a cannon ball.

I got up and told him I needed to go. He wanted to talk it over, and I told him I feel like there is something he is not telling me and he is not respecting me. He figured he was different than other guys because he wants to work on having a serious relationship with me. I told it wouldn't matter if he got down on his knee and put a ring on my finger, the limits would still apply. I think he finally got it.

I finally left, and I will not be seeing him again. I felt misunderstood and annoyed. I was wishing I could see Raymond to cry on his shoulder or something. I messaged him to find out if he was free. Before he reponded, I had already made up my mind that I would not see him. He said he had just been on a date, but it was over now. I told him, me too! I explained that I was in SL and that I thought about stopping by, but I changed my mind. He said, "Damn, if I was in SL, I would say yes, but I am in Ogden."

It was enough to know that he would have invited me. Why is it that I can't get him out of my mind? I think about him when I am out with other guys. I love that he respects me and is sensitive to my feelings. I don't even have to say anything and he will sense that something is wrong.

Monday, June 20, 2005

My Dad's the Greatest Dad

I just want to say how much I love my Dad. I couldn't ask for a better one. He is such a support for me. My mother too, which hasn't always been the case. But my dad has always been at my defense.

I got up and made him some hash-browns and an omelet for breakfast, on Sunday. I have made omelets a million times and I have never burnt them, well this morning I burnt it. I was fussing so much over the hash-browns that I didn't turn it in time. One of these days I will discover the secret to making hash-browns like they to at IHOP, or Denny's or The Waffle House, etc. Grr. My dad still ate them and pretended that they were delicious.

Church starts at just the same time that Guy would normally be taking his nap. We were in the back of the chapel on the fold out chairs and Guy wanted to lay down. We laid him across my dad's lap and mine so he could sleep. We were still sitting there after Sacrament meeting when the Bishop walked by with a young man and they both waved at me. I did not know who the young man was.

My brother told me a few times that the Bishop knew of a single young man in the ward. Apparently the Bishop has a reputation for being a matchmaker. One of the ladies in the Relief Society shared her story with me how the Bishop strategically called her as the Single Adult Ward Rep, hoping that she would meet this particular man. When that didn't work he called them to work together on some Youth activity Planning Committee. His plotting was successful and they eventually married.

The ward is full of families and young children. There was a Young Woman advancing into the YW program the first Sunday here and the Bishop recounted that she was the 24th girl to advance into YW, Year to date! 24 in 6 months! There are two nurseries and one packed primary.

Young families mean young parents. I have been a little curious to know who this single guy in the ward was, but I did not want to mistake him for one of the married men.

Last night I get an email through one of the online services. This single guy from my ward happens have a membership to the same online service. He said he was just looking around and he saw my profile and recognized me as the girl he waved to at church that same day. I recognized him, too as the one who waved at me at church. So now we are exchanging emails.

That Bishop is pretty sly!

I think this started out having to do with my Dad. You know I always get side tracked by the boys...

After church we went for a drive to a lake, where we went for a small hike around it. They informed us that there was a washout a few miles ahead, so the road was closed off at one point. The water in the lake was higher than normal and we saw picnickers next to the riverbank, where there were sand bags keeping the water back. I'll see if I can get the picture from my brother that he took with his phone and post it for you.

My brother had the idea to have a barbeque for my dad. He bought some special bacon wrapped sirloin steaks to cook. My dad has been craving a tender, juicy steak for a few months now and it still had not been satisfied. These turned out perfectly. I even enjoyed it!...and I am not a lover of steak.

Then we passed out cards and ate this modified version of a black forest cake that I made. I just added peaches with the cherries on bottom and sprinkled roasted coconut on top of the drizzled frosting over the chocolate cake. It was a hit.

I L O V E, love you, Dad!

To my readers...


I have a basic service with a company called blogpatrol where I can see who has viewed my profile. Of course it doesn't tell me your names or anything of the sort, but I do know that I have some regular readers. I would like very much to receive some feedback on occasion from those that visit my site. I am also curious to know what keeps you coming back for more. Besides, I have shared so much about myself with you, I would really like to get to know something about you, too.

Please, I welcome your comments. Also, FYI I have added a link in the left column for Bloglines. They offer a free service of sending you an email each time your favorite blogs are updated. Let me know if it works.

I know my web page is basic. I do not take the time to make it all spiffy and personalized, etc. I am satisfied with this retro-disco-style polka dot template. There are a few things I would change, but I have choosen not to take the time to mess with it. In this case, it is about the meat, not the package. The rest of the time, it's the reverse. ;)

Happy Reading,
Trixie Granny

My new profile picture, taken in Maui Posted by Hello

Defining-the-Relationship Queen

I am going to bring up Bachelor #2 again and I feel like I should give him a name this time, which will be simply; Washington. I wasn't sure how to approach the situation after he returned to Washington. I knew at this point I was not interested in him and I kinda wrote him off, but I hadn't confronted it with him.

He sent me a text message saying he was sorry. I didn't respond. Then he messaged me and asked me if I was ignoring him. Of course I told him, no. He said, "Good, because I can't stand that. If I don't want to talk to someone, I just say so."

So, I told him I was not ignoring him, but I did tell him how I felt about the way he behaved when he came over. I told him I didn't appreciate how he was so persistant with me. He apologized and told me that he had no intentions of hurting me. I said that I understand, but that I still feel the same way.

We remained friends and would chat from time to time. Since I was not online for several days because I was working on getting our home network setup, he called me just to say hello. The second time he called, I was on my way into a store. We talked for a minute and he said he would call me back because he wanted to talk to me. I asked him if he has something to tell me. "Maybe", he said.

When he called me back, he started telling me how much he likes me and how he feels like I am the perfect match for him. He had a feeling from the first time we spoke on the phone that he was falling for me. He said he feels like I am THE ONE and that he has never felt this way about anyone else before. Then of course he wanted to know what my feelings were for him. I told him I am not certain. I said it is hard for me to judge after only having spent a couple hours together.

Then he told me how he would like to offer to fly myself and Guy out to Washington to visit him. I told him I needed to think it over and get back to him tomorrow.

I already knew I couldn't accept his offer since I am not interested in having a serious relationship with him, so I had to think of a way to let him down easy. It came down to telling him, "The bells just aren't ringing for me." He seemed to understand. He choose not to keep in touch because it is hard to be faced with heartache everyday, which I understand.

The more dating I do, the more "Define-the-Relationship" talks I have to have. I am wondering if I should be more selective with whom I should go out with. Should I trust my first impression of them? If I am not interested from the beginning, can I assume that dating them is not going to change that?, so I should spare them the heartache?

No, I want to give them a chance to impress me in person. There are so many elements that get left out of the online experience. Then there is the question, Do I allow them to take me out a second time if I am still not interested? Would that be leading them on, or simply giving them a second chance?

I don't enjoy breaking hearts. I am not a man eater. Dating is simply a process of elimination. I have never had so many men to choose from before. Ever since I put up some new photos in my profile, I have been getting so many more responces. I think it's the new hair do. I have never felt so beautiful before. I think maturity has been good to me. I have always looked younger than my age, which I still do, but at least I don't look like I am still in High School. I wonder why I didn't perm my hair sooner...Hm, maybe it was because of my last experience with a perm...when I permed it only a few months after having dyed it black, then having two bleach processes done to correct it, and dying it brownish red. Hmm no wonder my hair, as someone said...looked like I stood too close to a fire. I cut it all off myself, about 1 1/2 inches short after that.

Back to dating...
I have been out with two active members so far. It was an ok experience. They both happened to be Mexican. I think I would enjoy getting to know Tim more, but his guy last night was not really my style. I'm not sure what I mean by that because he was nice enough, I guess I mean to say that the bells just weren't ringing.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Tropicana Trailer

When I lived in Provo with my cousin several years ago, I would go swing dancing at a place called the Tropicana. It was owned by some members of the church, and they did not serve alcohol. They used to have swing dancing in the larger room and salsa in the smaller room. After a while it was the reverse. Now they don't have swing dancing at all.

The Tropicana is where I met my ex-husband. Last night I returned to the Tropicana after five years. I went there on a date with someone I met online. I thought he was taking me salsa dancing, but it was Mexican. It really would not have made any difference, but it was a new experience for me.

We got there about 9:30 and the place was still a little bare, we danced anyway. By 10:30 the place was starting to fill in. There was a live band and a second one started up just before I left at midnight, to get the party started all over again. Once the place was filled with people, I looked around and realized that I was the only white person there.

It was strange to be there again. I reflected on the old swing dancing days. About 30 seconds into dancing with me, my date tells me, "Jew are a pretty good dancer. Where did you learn to dance so well?" Then after a little bit longer he says to me, "I love the way you move."

There was a small section of the wall that had a mirror on it. I could tell that he was strategically placing me so that he could watch my booty in the mirror. Then he would lean his head on mine and he would breath heavily into my ear. It was so loud, I half wondered if the people around me could hear him. I also got a kick out of how he would place my hand high on his chest, then on his hip and later just above his tushy, and finally on his wallet.

I am used to going dancing by myself, and I think I prefer it that way because then I am not stuck with dancing with the same guy the whole night. Not that there was anyone else I was interested in dancing with there that night, but I do like some variety. He did fine though and he would mix it up from time to time. I learned a few new dances, even.

He wants me to go with him to his niece's 15th birthday party, there is a name for it, I just can't seem to remember what it is called. It's like a coming out party. Anyone know what I am talking about?
Anyway, he says... you would fit right in at any Mexican party because you can do all the dances.

He walked me to my car and gave me a goodbye hug, then a goodbye kiss, but not in the manner of the French. I appreciated that, especially because we were in the parking lot and there were people passing by. He was pooring on the charm, telling me that I am perfect and how much he likes me. He asked me how many other guys I go out with from online and he wondered if I had the same impression on them too.

The first thing that came to mind was that I had essentially been proposed to the night before. I don't know if it's a good idea to be telling my dates about other guys that I have dated. They always seem to be curious, I suppose to know what their chances are with you. I suppose making myself seem wanted is a good approach to it, but some guys don't like competition, or do they? It's there at any rate. I suppose it's best just to be honest yet discrete about it all.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

The Investigation Begins...

I had a date at Cafe Rio on Wednesday, with ...(Tim). He is 34, divorced and has four girls. He's good looking. I love his dark rimmed glasses. He is mostly Mexican, so he has nice, dark skin.

We sat outside at a table on the patio. The weather has been just perfect here, the last few days. We shared our divorce stories. I managed to tell mine from beginning to end. I guess I have developed a more condenced version that I can share all in one sitting. People are so overwhelmed by the story. I can laugh about it as I tell it. Some of it is pretty comical, really. Other parts are down right depressing.

I have been receiving some encouragement for me to continue with my project in writing a book about my ex's memory loss. I took a trip today up to Ogden to find his first ex. I knew where her mother lived, so I stopped by there. His ex was expected to show up later tonight, so I got her mom's number and called over there a little while later.

She has not heard anything from him since December, when he signed his rights to the kids over. I mentioned to her that I would like to speek to her regarding his memory loss, for the purpse of writing a book. She said she does not believe it, even after visiting with him after it happened.

I asked her if she would mind if I kept in touch with her. She said that she is hesitant to do that because she has already.."shut that door". She went on to tell me how her kids have a good life now with their new father and she does not want to disturb that.

I wondered why I didn't feel the same way about him. I wondered if I had not "closed the door" in my mind with him. I came to the conclusion that I have. The only reason I am interested in contacting him is for the purpose of writing a book. Otherwise, if he wants to disappear, I wouldn't give a dammm.

The Mystery Dancer

I failed to mention about going out swing dancing last Friday. There was a good crown out last week, compared to this week. I danced with every lead there last week at least once. There must have been about 15 leads. There are much more better dancers here. I met a few who claimed to be beginners, but they did very well. Most of them had had some kind of former dancing training, which always helps.

Towards the end of the dance last week, I remember meeting a guy, I will name him Vernon. There was something about him that was comfortably familiar. He is a fabulous dancer. He asked me to dance, the first chance he got, tonight. Later, he even worked in some blues moves. I don't know much about him, still. He looks to be about age 27. He would not tell me what he does for work...kind of odd. Maybe he is an exotic dancer/stripper. Hehe, I don't know, but I shall make it my duty to find out.

Friday, June 17, 2005

The Ice Cream Hunt

I went to the swing dance at the U of U again last night. There weren't a whole lot of people there. I was hoping to see Raymond, he said he might come. He wasn't there and I was getting bored. I asked several people to dance and the last person I asked was this guy from India. He has only been in Utah for 6 months. He doesn't have a whole lot of friends yet. We were talking and he mentioned that there are a couple movies that he would like to see. He asked me if I would like to join him. "Sure, Right now?" I asked. "Well, yeah, ok. It might be kind of late, but we can give it a try."

I followed him over to his place and we took his car to the theater. It was already 45 minutes into the last showing for the night. We decided to get some desert instead. There were only a couple bars open still at the mall where we were, so we drove up a street where he had seen an ice cream place before. There were about 6 different places like A&W, Baskin Robbins, and several other fast food places that sell ice cream. It was barely 11:00 when we pulled into the Baskin Robbins, just in time for them to be closing the doors. We were trying to spot a place that was still open. We must have gone back and forth on that block 4 times. Finally we parked and walked up the street only to dicover that they were all closed, unless we went through the Wendy's drive through. So we went to Smiths and bought some Dove ice cream bars. We brought them out into the parking lot and sat on the cement wall bordering the parking lot and talked while we ate our ice cream.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

PB & J

Tonight, I was having a conversation with a new friend of mine about my Patriarchal Blessing. He asked me if my blessing said anything about a vocation. I realized that it does not. What it does say is: that if I support my husband in his earning a living for me and in his callings in the church, he will reciprocate and bless me and sustain me as a mother in Israel.

The next paragraph mentions that people will confide and trust in me and that I will go into action to assist them. It also mentions that I will have the opportunity to share my testimony with my family, those close by in the community and even those who may hear me in different nations.

I have tried to use my blessing as a guide as to how to live my life. I think I have subconsciously made decisions based upon its contents. In college I studied Fashion Design because it was interesting to me, not because it would land me a good paying job to support a family with. I never expected that I would ever be a single mother. I relied on the fact that my blessing told me that I would have a husband that would support me as a mother. I assumed that I would be able to stay at home with my children. I ponder the idea that I may have missed the boat on some of the blessings promised me, due to my unfaithfulness.

I think my desire to travel was also spawned from my blessing because it talks about sharing my testimony with people of other nations. I do enjoy traveling and I wish I could do more. There are more ways of sharing a testimony with people in other lands that don’t require my being there. Internet communication is one of them. Broadcasts are another way. Perhaps I will be a speaker or write a book….or maybe all this chatting online, with people throughout the World is actually making a difference in someone’s life...naw.

Friday, June 10, 2005

My First Night Out

My parents drove in and got here Wednesday evening. I made enchilladas for everyone for dinner. I even made fresh refried beens.

We did a lot of moving of stuff today. First we cleared out the garage and put the boxes into the basement. Then we had some help from the ward stop by this eveing and they helped us unload the truck. At first we were just bringing the boxes that go upstairs to the bedrooms into the house. When I got out of the shower, my room was filled with boxes, including on my bed.

I got ready and took off to go swing dancing. I sent a text message to Raymond to see if he was going. He hasn't returned my messages the last two times. The time before that was a few days ago. I had a terrible time finding the place and I wished I he or somebody was able to help me out. I happened to find a map of the campus in one of the buildings, so I found it eventually, and I even had an hour remaing to dance.

They held the dance outside on this cemented area and I didn't want to wear my suede dancing shoes on the cement, so I had to wear what I had on...some clogs with heels. So the backs were flopping all around, etc. I kept trying to explain, but it's hard to make a good first impression when one is wearing impossible shoes. For one dance, I even took them off.

I know I met one person from the forum and I saw a long lost friend that seems to be the only remaining dancer from when I was around. Even he is planning to move away soon. To Denver, for better swing dancing. I summed up my life over the last four years in one long, run on sentence.

Raymond was there and we danced a couple songs. When the dance should have ended and I ran out of people to ask to dance, I thought I might be able to chat with him again for a bit, but he was sitting, quite comforably with another girl, so I spoke to them briefly and skipped on out.

I think I was a bit jealous, but it was to be expected. Serves me right for allowing myself to have feeling for someone that is off limits.

Monday, June 06, 2005

We Made Some Pee...rogress Tonight!

I had to share the latest development with Guy and his potty training. It has been a challenge to simply get Guy to even sit on the potty. He has sat on it a couple times prior to taking a bath, since we have been here. I believe it was an attempt to escape the bath, but he did it all the same.

We have been reading his potty book about every other night before he goes to bed. He is so cute, because he will repeat out loud each line that I read. So, tonight for the first time in six months of struggle, he sat on the potty and even went pee!

OK, so I bribed him with a popsickle at 9:30 pm, but it worked and I am just tickled about it. He has done so much growing up since we have moved. Sometimes he still tells me that he wants to go home, though. I have to explain him that this is our new home. Then I remind him that his Granpa and Grandma will be here soon. He is looking forward to that. Perhaps it will feel more like home once Grandpa is around for a while.

I am looking forward to his arrival too. I will have my live-in babysitter back. I haven't had any luck so far in finding anyone to watch my son for me in the evenings. It would seem that all the young women in the ward actually have lives. If it's not dance or tumbling lessons it's piano recitals and family functions.

What would I ever do without my parents? The more I realize how lucky I am to have their support, the more I feel indebted to them. They are making such a great sacrifice to allow me a better opportunity to find a husband that will take me to the temple. I couldn't possibly let them down.

Naturally, I have to go and fall for the one who is not a member. I am trying hard not to get attached to Raymond. It's undeniable what he does to me. So far he is everything I could ask for....except being a member...and even that, he is close to, but not quite.

Anyway, this entry wasn't about him. I'm sure there will be more later.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Sour Harmony

I have expected that my ex would be contacting me with hopes of seeing our son, once I moved here. I have not heard from him for several months and the only number I had for him was his work number. I tried to reach him there last week because I had a plan to write a book about some of his bizarre experiences since we seperated.

When I called his work, they informed me that he has not been working there since January. I figured his ex-wife would know his whereabouts, so I tried calling her number. It was no longer in service, and the number I got from information was not her either. I tried a few other bogus numbers. I am at a bit of a loss and I'm not sure weather I should pursue it any further or not.

Perhaps I will share it the events in my blog. It really is a phenomenon, what happened to him. I was reminded of it today again because in my search for the office of a temporary employment agency, I wandered into this business complex and discovered that I was at a Hospice and Heathcare center. I realized as I was leaving that it had the same name as a program that my ex-husband participated in, several months after we seperated.

It was a bit of a trip for me to stumble across it. See, he became homeless shortly after I left him. I would have been too, if I had stuck around any longer. Our utilies were being shut off one by one and the rent was a couple months late, too.

His life hit bottom at the end of his journey away from the church and from me. Even to the point of sleeping on the streets and surviving by the generosity of strangers. He learned about this program and considered it a chance to make a real change in his life. He was even willing to give up his prize possession; the upright base that his father gave him.

We drove all the way to Oregon to pick up that doghouse base. He would have carried it on his back and walked home if he had to. He traded art work for lessons from a member of a local Psychobilly band.

After we seperated, I got a phone call from him inviting me to attend his graduation from this program he was involved with. He shared with me how he had made many positive changes in his life and he wanted to be able to celebrate it with every one he cared about. I think he had this vision of being able to heal all the years of pain that he caused with myself, his other ex-wife, their children and with his mother and sister in this one day. He even offered to pay my airfare, if I would only promise to be there on this special day for him.

I was somewhat interested in supporting him in the milestone in his life, but I didn't feel like it was appropriate for me to make such a commitment to him when I was still trying to find my own way again.

Just a few weeks before he intended to graduate from this program, he dropped out because he and one of the employees wanted to date each other and that was not permitted. So, he tossed it all away so that they could continue seeing each other. They even moved out together and that's where he was at the time of his memory loss.

This is where it gets interesting...I think I will end here this time and go into that later.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Doctor, Doctor!

Guy started coughing again, quite hard on Thursday night. It has continued off and on throughout the day. Yesterday I got a peak inside his throat while he was laughing and his tonsils appeared swollen and I thought I even saw a white spot on one, indicating that it is infected. I suspected Strep Throat.

I had plans to take him with me to a barbeque and swimming today, at the guy's house that I met in the park. Instead, I had the joy of taking him in to see the Dr. at a med clinic. I am crossing my fingers that they will reimburse me for the out of state visit under my insurance.

I tried to prep Guy of the fact that we would be going to see the Dr. because he has been coughing. He did not begin to freak out, as I expected him to. In fact he even started up a conversation with Kari about his last visit to the Dr. "Doctor go my bum." take his temp. Kids!

He was calm as could be until they called his name to come back from the waiting room. He began to whimper, but he did not fight me. He was even still to allow the nurse check his oxygen and listen to his lungs and look in his hear. I didn't have to request assistance to help me restrain him. He barely put up a fight, although he continued to whimper. The Dr. suspected that it could be Strep, too. They took a culture, at which point we had to lay him down and I held his arms above his head, but he did not attempt to kick the nurse in the chest while she was getting it. I was utterly amazed at his behavior.

He has made so many improvements since we have moved. It's almost as though he is out of his comfort zone and he feels a need to grow up, some. He has sat on the regular potty a few times. He even volunteered to do it himself. I suspect it was a retreat from the bathtub, but I was still tickled at the fact that he was sitting on the potty. Nothing went into it, but if you knew what it has taken to get him to do a simple thing such as that, you would understand my excitement.

He will even take his medication willingly. I no longer have to sit on him and pray that he doesn't choke on it as I force his mouth open and squirt it in only for him to spit it back out all over. It is such a relief because I was having to give him the antibiotic 3 times a day for the Pneumonia and now this strange concoction of Maalox and Benadryl every few hours to soothe the latest virus he has. Something related to Hand in Foot Disease, with fewer symptoms, not including the rash on the hands, feet or the white mouth.

So, after chilling at home with Guy all day and missing my latest big chance to get out, I decide to check out a couple of LDS chat rooms. I was in the room when this guy comes in. I glanced at his picture and saw that he lived in the same town that the guy I was supposed to see today lives in. I will name him Parker now, because we met in the park. I take a look at his profile and wonder, "That would be funny if it were Parker." I continue looking at his pictures and I see his little girl too. It was unmistakably him. I went back into the chat room and attempted to bring it up to him, but he was already gone. I wonder if he saw me. Should I send him an email bringing to his attention that we are both on the same site? I'm sure I will, cause I'm tacky like that.

Friday, May 27, 2005

The Joys of Unemployment

It's a shame there isn't a demand for a professinal dater. I think I would be highly qualified. Plus I could kill two birds with one stone.

My plan when I got here was to go to work for Comfort Keepers part time while training with the Medical Transcription company. It turns out that the office in SLC hasn't even opened it's doors to business yet, so they won't have work for me for another two weeks at least. He has my resume and my old boss called him to talk me up already...Now if he would just pay me the 17.5 hours that they have shorted me from the time I have been working for them because they have no idea what they are doing when it comes to keeping track of the schedule and payroll...Angst!

Not only that, but I will have to take some medical terminology training before I can work at the software training, which will be free, but I am expected to afford the books, $200. If it's not one thing...

I did some searching for jobs and I had an interview with a fashion design company that designs and manufactures bridal gowns and bride's maids dresses. The position was for a customer service postion, taking orders from shops, answering emails, following up with and taking oders for dresses, etc... I thought it was right up my alley with my fashion education and all my office experience. She said a few times in the interview that I had the qualifications they are looking for.

That was on Wednesday, and I still haven't heard from them. Looks like Monday I will be hitting the temp agencies. How I loath job hunting.

Bachelor # 2

I have been talking on the phone and chatting with this guy I met online. He moved to Washington a few months ago from Utah. He is here for a few days to visit. He is a member of the church, and about the time he moved to Washington, he decided to become active again after 15 years of doing his own thing. I made conversation with him because I noticed that he likes salsa dancing and it went on from there. I'll give him the name, Vincent.

He came over last night after going to a party at his friend's house. He invited me to come up, but I didn't have anyone to watch Guy, so I invited him here instead to "watch a movie". Well, it was 2 AM before he had his fill at his friend's party. I let him come over anyway, like the pushover that I am. I knew what was going to happen and I was prepared to have to be the one to keep things in line. I was comforted in knowing that my brother and wife were home this time, although asleep they could be awakened.

He confessed that he had a couple drinks at his friend's party. As soon as I started the movie, he leans over and begins kissing me. "I just had to do that," he says. I have no idea what happened in the movie and I'm a little baffled by some of the things he said to me. He said things like; "You're the Bomb." "You would make the perfect wife." "If I came back in a few months, would you go to Vegas with me?" "I have never felt this way before." etc..

I honestly could not concur. I was turned off by the fact that he had been drinking, and by his persistence in having his way with me. I tried to console him and encouraged him to work at being active again. He feels like his greatest weakness is being morally clean and that getting married would annul him of this. I asked him about drinking. He brushed it off and claimed that he only drinks because he is so bored. ????

Will I be throwing in the towel and eloping to Vegas this summer?...I think not! I have sacrificed too much already in my quest for a lasting temple marriage to just throw it all away to become someone else's scapegoat and fulfill his fantasy.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Cheesecake With Chopsticks!

I went on a picnic with Raymond, yesterday. We went to Liberty Park. The weather was perfect. The sun warmed us up and the zephyr cooled us down. I picked a spot next to the pond, in the grass, on the side of a hill. We had fresh mango with salami and mozerella sandwiches on french bread.

I told him I had a surprise for him after. He asked if it would do him bodily harm. Then he thought for sure I was going to give him the book The Miracle of Forgiveness. I laughed. He said he has about 6 copies of it at home. The surprise was that I made some cheescake for us.

What was even more surprising was the way we had to eat it. I forgot to bring forks, so I stopped in this Vietnamese market near the park to get some...well silly me, they use chopsticks! So, I figured they would do the trick. Turned out, he had never used chopsticks before. I showed him how to use them. He managed to get the cheescake to his mouth, and we were cracking up about how we were eating cheesecake with chopsticks!

Monday, May 23, 2005

How Do I Break This Curse?

I saw Raymond again on Friday night. He came over and we watched an extremely uninteresting black and white DVD from my collection. It claimed to have Peter Sellers in it, but he wasn't in the first 45 min, at least. So, we spent most of the chatting and getting to know eachther better....and yes, we kissed.

We have many common interests, views and similar personalities. I find it extremely ironic that he claims to be looking for someone who is not a member of the church, while I am looking for someone who is.

I have yet to crack the case as to why I have never even been on a date with an active member of the church. Wait...I take that back. I did go on two dates with Christophe. Oh, dreamy, French Christophe. Otherwise, the rest have been either inactive or non-members. What is it about me that says, "Every one except those whom I am looking for, apply here."?

Friday, May 20, 2005

Contestant # 1

I went on my first date last night, after being here 3 days. I didn't know if or when I would be able to get away because I attempted to find a sitter for Guy, but the few girls I could get a hold of had dance or tumbling class. I'll have to do some networking on Sunday at church to find out who is available on what days.

He wanted to go out last night, but I told him how I couldn't find a sitter. He told me later that he didn't mind if I brought my son along with me. After my date with Jeff, (who didn't care for the idea of Guy hanging out with us because he was afraid that people assumed that he was his son) I am impressed with guys who are ok with it.

We met up at the Mayan for dinner.

I guess, HE needs a name....we shall call him Raymond. This is also the name of my 6th grade crush. I met him on the Utah Swing Forum, which I joined a few weeks ago. He is a combination of something like, French, Spanish and get this...Inca. He speeks Spanish and French, too. He is 33, a part time computer technician and he just started his own business...which he has yet to fully reveal to me...something to do with smoothies.

His parents moved to Utah when he was 7. They joined the church shortly after they moved, but only remained active for a year or so. He doesn't claim any religion of his own. He has taken the discussions a few times and read the Book of Mormon twice, but never jumped in. He has also researched a few other religions.

Living in Utah, it happens that he has only dated LDS girls. All the relationships eventually ended because of his not being a member. He said himself that he agrees with the teachings of the church. I asked him what it is that is so unatractive to him about the church and he said it is more of the culture of the people that he dislikes. I couldn't agree more, but all that crap mostly comes out of Utah, not from the Gospel. There is no doctrine that states that you cannot hold a garage sale because you should be donating it all to DI. And no Prophet ever said that the non-member kids on the block should not be invited to your child's birthday party.

All in all....I like him =) He is open, honest and understanding. He has style...instead of jeans and a T shirt, he wore a button up collared shirt. Mmm, he has thick, dark wavy hair, tan skin, a nice voice and body. I have yet see him dance or dance with him, but if he is volunteering to assist in a Lindy class at a Jr. High, I'll assume that he can quite well.

We agreed that neither of our pictures did eachother justice. He told me I have nice hands and feet. I thought it was interesting that he would notice such a thing. He also said that he likes Guy's hair and the way I dress him and that he seems well behaved.

He has already sent me an email and a text message today saying that he was impressed with me and how much of a good time he had. I hope I can see more of him soon.

A Hot Cake Birthday!

Tuesday was my birthday! I figured Aaron and Kari were clueless, so I mentioned it to them Monday night. When I did, they looked at each other in surprise.

Aaron has to be to work early in the morning, so the two of them came in at 7am and sang happy birthday to me. They got a McDonalds Hotcake Meal and stuck a candle in the center through the styrofoam lid. It was a trick candle, so Guy got a chance to blow on it too. They confessed later that they did know it was my birthday, but they pretended as if they were clueless.

I had a couple of birthday wishing phone calls from some friends. Shucks, somebody cares.

I spent most of the day at home with Guy, but we took some time out to go to the park for a bit. Guy wasn't feeling so great, so we sat up at the top of the slides where some kids were playing and watched them. I was checking out the ring fingers of the dads there. Surprisingly, the cutes of them all was not taken.

I had hopes of going dancing later that night, if Guy was in bed, but after sleeping all day, he was ready to go again at 10pm. That's ok, I had a good day anyway.

Happy 28th Birthday to Me!

The Anticipation is Over

We made it! We are here, in Utah. Not without challenges, though. We decided I could leave before the Pontiac sold and leave it here for my mom to take care of. We bought a 2001 blue, Hyundai on Friday. It required a few repairs including new brakes in order to pass a safety test. So, it was in the shop all Saturday and we found out that one of the parts would not fit correctly, so they would have to order a new part, which would not get in until Tuesday or Wednesday. I thought I was going to have to stay another week. I thought I might go mad at the thought of it.

We discussed our options and figured I could take my mother's car out and she could drive the Pontiac or the Hyundai when it was done. So, that was the plan Saturday night.

I figured I would get in one last chance to dance, so I went to the Blues dance and performance at the YWCA. I even got there in time for the last half of the lesson. There were not enough leads as usual, so I gave it a try and did ok. I stayed for part of the dance and met some really great dancers. Wow, Blues can be very sexy!

I talked with and danced with the instructor during the dance and found out that he has been dancing the blues since he was six. It was the first type of dancing he learned and he has done an array of other types since. I have danced with him before and I could tell he was a fabulous dancer, and that just made him that much more desirable.

When I returned home, Guy was in bed with Grandma and Grandpa. He had a cold a few weeks ago and the cough lingered. I thought he was coming down with another cold and he ran a slight temperature that evening. He also layed around in bed for a coulple hours Saturday eveing, so I knew he wasn't feeling well. My mom said that his breathing is very shallow and quick. She suspected that he has Pneumonia and suggested that we take him to the hospital.

My dad wanted to leave early Sunday morning. Early meaning 4am, early. We realized we better take Guy into the Emergency first thing instead. We got to the Hospital around 7am.

Of course he did not cooperate with the nurses. One would have thought that we were sticking him with a hot branding iron, by the way he was screaming and crying. Nurses would come by the room and say that they could hear him at the opposite side of the Hospital. He had a temperature of 103 and his oxygen was low. They took an X-ray of his lungs and discovered that he does in-deed have some Pneumonia. The Dr. Prescribed an antibiotic and an inhaler. We told the Dr. we had plans to be driving across the desert to be moving today and we asked if we were safe to do that with him. We were releived when he told us that he should be fine now that we will be giving him medication.

It was actually kind of nice that he was so tired. He was content to sleep most of the way, instead of being restless and wanting out of his seat. My dad shared war stories from his experience in Viet Nam with me. There are a few that I have heard him repeat a few times. But this time he shared ones that I have not heard before.

We arrived at our new home at 11:30 pm. Aaron and Kari greeted us. My dad stayed over for one night and flew back on Monday afternoon. The weather was nice all day until I dropped him off at the airport. A terrible storm came in. Aaron called me from his cell phone on the freeway. He was on his way home and he told me that he had just passed four semi trucks that had been blown over. He could feel the wind picking up the tail end of his truck, too! Thankfully, he got home safely.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Neither Here Nor There

I feel like a ghost in this town. I have been telling people I am moving next weekend for about a month now. When I see them the next week they are pleasantly, )thankfully) surprised to see me still around. I never knew how many friends I had until I started telling them goodbye.

I went back to work for the elderly man from Florida until I leave. They sent one or two girls to replace me, but he wasn't happy with them and turned them away. He kept telling me how he is going to miss me. What really touched me is when he said that *I* am the best thing about California.

I was waiting to get my car sold and we have a couple of ads that just went out this week. In the mean time we found a Hyundai to replace my car and we bought it today. It looks like my dad and I will be leaving as soon as the breaks are replaced and some other maintenance is done on the Hyundai. Either Saturday afternoon or Sunday. We will just take my new car with a luggage carrier on top and my dad will fly back the next day.

I am soo looking forward to getting on with my life.

I have decided to take up an opportunity to work for a company doing medical transcription from home. They offer free training, but I still have to invest in the software. As soon as I can afford that, I will begin the training.

I am also looking forward to meeting new friends. I hope that I can prevent my mind from being warped by the backwards views of some of the members there. I need to remember to keep an open mind and not be judgemental of others. I have always tried to live my life this way. It is hard for the members in Utah to see past the nose on their face sometimes.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

The Breaking of the Bank

Both my parents were out of town for a few days. I have been low on funds since I got back from Maui and I got called into work all the way down in Elk Grove. My car managed to make it to Guy's daycare on an empty tank of gas in time to pick him up. When I got there, I didn't think I would be able to make it to the gas station, so I asked if she had any gas I could borrow to make it to the gas station. I used what was left in her can, and a good portion of it was leaking out onto the ground.

I had already spent my last change on gas before I left Elk Grove. I figured there might be some more gas in a can at home. I was on my way home when Betty called me and asked if I was still coming over to bring her the pictures from out trip. I was just around the corner from her house, but I didn't know if I would make it there and then home. I told her I couldn't at first, but she acted like she needed them right away.

I was still able to make it home, but to my dismay my dad had already taken the gas can to Utah with the mower. I remembered that I had a piggy bank for Guy that was full of change that I could turn in to get some gas. The bank was glass so I had to drop it on the concrete to bust it open.

That bank had over $40 in change in it!

It's a Dirty Job....

I didn't get to go to church on Sunday because I was called into work. It was the first time I have worked in a few weeks and I could certainly use the money.

I was sent to the home of an elderly couple. She is pretty much immobile and she was constipated so I had the priveledge of helping her with suppositories and an enema. I suddenly didn't miss work as much as I thought.

Although, my boss is sure going to miss me. I spoke with him briefly the other day and he wanted to offer me a room so that I could stay here and work for them. He said they would adopt my son as their grandson, too. I guess his grandson just moved to Florida, so they rarely get to see him.

I contacted the Comfort Keepers in Kaysville and told them I am moving to Pleasant Grove and I would like to work for them. I would be quite some distance from them, but I figured they probably have accounts over a large area. They refered me to an office in Salt Lake that is just getting started and even suggested that I start one down in Pleasant Grove. I don't think I am prepared to do that at this time, though, or ever.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Trixie the B-50 Posted by Hello

Hot Vs Cold

I got to see my favorite lover-boy, Fabio again on Tuesday. Mmm, he does me some good. I wish I could take him with me. In fact, he even made a comment about how he might have to find his way to the Tabernacle to snatch me up. I was flattered, but I told him not to get my hopes up.

I found out that he is 44 years old. He has never been married, but I'm sure he has had more than his share of romances. He's just not the marrying type. I think he enjoys being single. I also think it drives him crazy that I won't let him do more than kiss me.

Speaking of the Devil... He just called me as I was typing this. He expected me to be in Utah already. He teased me, telling me that I am already off of his list.

He also likes to bring up this other guy that swing dances who he knows has a crush on me. I shall name him Rupert. Fabio asked me if I have gone to lunch with Rupert yet, because Rupert told Fabio that he wanted to ask me out for lunch before I leave. As a matter of fact, I just went with him today.

He had a friend take some pictures of us dancing and he wanted to send them to me so I gave him my email. He took it as an opportunity to tell me all the details of his un-interesting life. He can sure bore a person with details.

He has even so much as named one of his model planes after me. Imagine if you will: Trixie, the B-50. In his email he included his knowledge of the construction of the plane, what kind of missions it was used for, where they all went down and who shot them down, how many of them there were, when they stopped making them, etc...

I went to lunch with him to be kind. I even took my son along with me. I forewarned him, and he did not mind at all. Now he wants to take me to dinner, but I think No. Usually after dinner they tend to expect a kiss and I simply could not muster one up for him.

Oh, joy...another email from Rupert just came in...I think he needs to start a blog rather than sending an account of his day to me in the form of an email.

My Trip to Maui

Betty and I flew to Maui today. There was a family seated in the row next to us, including the isle seat of our row. Betty sat next to the father. From the moment that he reached under her to get the seat belts, I could see she was tickled to be sitting next to him. He was pretty good looking and she was enjoying having some male companionship. She sure does miss having her husband around to give hugs to and to keep her warm at night. She was not shy about telling him that either. He was a good sport about it, especially after having some of what he and his sisters and their husbands were sharing, what they called "Fire Water". Betty's friend was there to greet us. She gave us both a lei to welcome us.

The air here is so fresh and clean. I love how all the buildings are not enclosed. Where there are walls, they are mostly glass. The weather is so ideal all year round that they can afford to let the easy breeze blow and the warm sun shine in. I have been leaving the windows to my room the way I found them, open. Our Hotel is right on the beach.

Our first night, we went to a popular place called Mama's Fish House with a married couple who are friends of Betty's. It is right on the beach, of course and they serve fish, gourmet Hawaiian style. They had a beautiful setting with glass windows looking out to the beach. Betty's friend asked me where I am from because she detected an accent. She described it as a click in my speech. I tried their alcohol free lime and peppermint cooler to drink and Ono fish, country style. For desert I had the black pearl. Mmm it was beautiful and delicious. There were two edible chocolate shell wafers that stood open to reveal this perfectly rounded mound of chocolate mousse covered with chocolate syrup.
I was anxious to get down to the beach and Betty asked me the night before not to come at the crack of dawn because she wanted to rest in the morning, so I went down and had some breakfast then went for a walk along the beach with all the other Seniors and hard-bodies. When I got back at 9am I found that Betty had been looking for me for an hour. She had even enlisted her neighbors to help her find me. He was to be married the same afternoon, but he was very kind to help Betty find me. Although, I was not lost, I was only on the beach. I think she has finally forgiven me because she only mentions it every 3 hours instead of every 1/2 hour. OK, yes I am exaggerating a tad.

We had breakfast and went to Kaiser so Betty could have a blood test done to have the results faxed to her Dr. in Sacramento. After that we went shopping for a bathing suit for Betty. She saw this bright pink, orange and yellow bikini that she had to try on. The woman has never owned a bikini before and she is always complaining of how she wants to loose her belly that she never used to have and here she is trying on a bikini. She cracks me up sometimes. I'm glad we were able to talk her into a one-piece.

We spent some time lying in the sun, then I got warm and decided to take a dip in the ocean. I was out there flirting with the waves, when along came three young men speaking German to each other. They had been snorkeling, but they took it off and they were swimming and playing around me. After a short while I looked back at the beach and saw that Betty was looking for me. I hated to go, but it was about time for us to get ready because we were planning to go to the Square Dance Class that night. I told her about the boys and she asked, "And they didn't follow you? Well, what's the matter with them?" I told her I must have ran too fast for them.

Once we were all ready to go Square Dancing, we found out that it had been canceled. We went out to dinner at a Canton restaurant for dinner. Betty had pot stickers for the first time.

Friday morning we went to take a look around Betty's daughter's favorite hotel, The Grand Wailea. It is a luxurious, ritzy place. We had the buffet there. I tried, for the first time a liche nut. They boil them and they become soft like a fruit. The hotel lobby was open to the fresh air. There were falls as you drive up to the entrance. There were tiled water ways weaving under the walking path to the various wings. Tropical flowers and plants were growing all around. There was a shallow pool with a mermaid sculpture and a couple of wood canoes in it. I also enjoyed the larger than life black bronze sculptures of plump nudes. Several walls were covered with giant painting and mosaics. Breathtaking.

From there, we made another visit to Kaiser for 3 hours, so Betty could have her favorite Doctor that she has a crush on, look at her foot. She thinks about him 24/7. She fantacizes that he might show up at her room while she is in her nightgown, even. She tells me that they have smacked lips before and she was hoping for the same again when she saw him, but he had to make an escape because he was so busy.

He prescribed some support stockings for her swollen foot. I could tell it was helping within just an hour. After that we had to rush off to the other end of the island to meet up with her friends again to see a show called Ulalena. It is a production that has been playing for several years now. It tells a little bit of the history, mingled with ancient myth of the Islands of Hawaii. There was fantastic dancing, and costumes, and props. Shows like that always miss my dancing performance days. I wanted to be right up there with them.

After the show we went to dinner at a place called Cheeseburgers in Paradise. I had the guacamole hamburger. Betty had what they called the Black and Blue. It has blue cheese and bacon. She decided that it was the best hamburger that she has ever had. They were delicious.

Saturday I got up and went down to the beach again. I laid in the sun for a while, then swam in the waves. We had brunch at Denny's again. I think the highlight of my day was checking my email and finding an admiring email from my new friend in Utah.

That evening was to be what Betty understood to be a formal memorial for her husband, the reason she wanted to make the trip to be here at this time. It turned out to be an informal get-together with old friends of theirs. They made her husband's favorite dish and desert, lasagna and lemon meringue pie.

I got to meet Betty's friends whom I have heard so much about. I feel like I almost know Betty's husband after hearing so much about him from her and her friends. He seems like he was a pretty impressive man with many talents. He was able to make a living at Square Dance Calling. He also painted and had other hobbies. He waited on Betty hand and foot. He did everything for her, such that there are many things that she does not know how to do for herself, so that in many ways she is rendered helpless.

She is so thankful to me for all the help that I have given her. She could not have made the trip alone and she realizes that. Her and her daughter would like to hog tie me to keep me from moving to Utah, so I can stay and help Betty out. In fact, Betty even said, yesterday that she would marry me, but she admitted that it wouldn't work out because I don't like girls.

I took another opportunity to get down to the beach this morning. I walked down the beach to the magnificent resort that we had breakfast at on Friday. It only took 15 min to get there and I must say that the beach at our hotel is much, much better than theirs. When I got back to my spot on the beach, I spent 40 minutes floating in the waves. I was trying to kill three or four birds with one stone. I was getting exercise by keeping my legs up at the surface to get some sun, while having fun and impressing the guy swimming next to me.

Later, we went to Hilo Hattie's in La Haina because it was near where we would need to be for the Marriott Luau later in the evening. That place is the mega mart of Hawaiian souvenirs. I wanted to get some good Hawaiian music and I picked up this compilation CD of Reggae In Paradise of cheesy synthesizer music. I have heard some good music on the radio stations, but this isn't it.

The Marriot Luau Hotel is right off the beach. Their Hotel pool is more like a water park with slides and falls and mock ships and jungle foliage. We were seated at the Luau by this good-looking young man with a perfectly dark tan. When he lead us to the banquet room later, Betty said to me, referring to him, "To die for!!" with a big grin on her face. He heard her and turned around and blushed. "The color." she explained. I confessed to him that she wasn't just talking about the color.

They invited people from the audience to get up to learn a hula dance. I thought about going up, but I guess I was feeling bashful. There was another opportunity at the end, but we ran out of film just before the highlight of the show, the fire dancer, so I reasoned that I wouldn't be able to take a picture of it, even if I did. They took pictures of everyone before the show and decided to buy them because they turned out so nicely. We were the last customers and they gave us each a DVD of the show.

I wanted to have one last chance to catch some sun before I get back to Sacramento, otherwise no one will believe that I was here if I come back as pale as I left. I got up at 6am to get to the beach. At 6:30 there were already people on the beach walking. I was hoping for a spot of sun, but it had yet to touch the sand, so I took a walk. When I returned to the hotel, I could see a patch of sun on the grass. I pulled the lawn chair into it, but it didn't last long before a palm tree invaded it. I gave in and went up to my room to get ready to go to the airport.