Monday, June 20, 2005

Defining-the-Relationship Queen

I am going to bring up Bachelor #2 again and I feel like I should give him a name this time, which will be simply; Washington. I wasn't sure how to approach the situation after he returned to Washington. I knew at this point I was not interested in him and I kinda wrote him off, but I hadn't confronted it with him.

He sent me a text message saying he was sorry. I didn't respond. Then he messaged me and asked me if I was ignoring him. Of course I told him, no. He said, "Good, because I can't stand that. If I don't want to talk to someone, I just say so."

So, I told him I was not ignoring him, but I did tell him how I felt about the way he behaved when he came over. I told him I didn't appreciate how he was so persistant with me. He apologized and told me that he had no intentions of hurting me. I said that I understand, but that I still feel the same way.

We remained friends and would chat from time to time. Since I was not online for several days because I was working on getting our home network setup, he called me just to say hello. The second time he called, I was on my way into a store. We talked for a minute and he said he would call me back because he wanted to talk to me. I asked him if he has something to tell me. "Maybe", he said.

When he called me back, he started telling me how much he likes me and how he feels like I am the perfect match for him. He had a feeling from the first time we spoke on the phone that he was falling for me. He said he feels like I am THE ONE and that he has never felt this way about anyone else before. Then of course he wanted to know what my feelings were for him. I told him I am not certain. I said it is hard for me to judge after only having spent a couple hours together.

Then he told me how he would like to offer to fly myself and Guy out to Washington to visit him. I told him I needed to think it over and get back to him tomorrow.

I already knew I couldn't accept his offer since I am not interested in having a serious relationship with him, so I had to think of a way to let him down easy. It came down to telling him, "The bells just aren't ringing for me." He seemed to understand. He choose not to keep in touch because it is hard to be faced with heartache everyday, which I understand.

The more dating I do, the more "Define-the-Relationship" talks I have to have. I am wondering if I should be more selective with whom I should go out with. Should I trust my first impression of them? If I am not interested from the beginning, can I assume that dating them is not going to change that?, so I should spare them the heartache?

No, I want to give them a chance to impress me in person. There are so many elements that get left out of the online experience. Then there is the question, Do I allow them to take me out a second time if I am still not interested? Would that be leading them on, or simply giving them a second chance?

I don't enjoy breaking hearts. I am not a man eater. Dating is simply a process of elimination. I have never had so many men to choose from before. Ever since I put up some new photos in my profile, I have been getting so many more responces. I think it's the new hair do. I have never felt so beautiful before. I think maturity has been good to me. I have always looked younger than my age, which I still do, but at least I don't look like I am still in High School. I wonder why I didn't perm my hair sooner...Hm, maybe it was because of my last experience with a perm...when I permed it only a few months after having dyed it black, then having two bleach processes done to correct it, and dying it brownish red. Hmm no wonder my hair, as someone said...looked like I stood too close to a fire. I cut it all off myself, about 1 1/2 inches short after that.

Back to dating...
I have been out with two active members so far. It was an ok experience. They both happened to be Mexican. I think I would enjoy getting to know Tim more, but his guy last night was not really my style. I'm not sure what I mean by that because he was nice enough, I guess I mean to say that the bells just weren't ringing.


chosha said...

I was talking to my flatmate about this very thing today. Even when you can look at someone and think they are basically the kind of person you are looking for, there has to be something more, some kind of 'sparkage', and you can't always nail down what it is that makes it feel right.

Don't let yourself feel too bad about having to let guys down as you had to with this guy. Anyone who professes love and uses the phrase 'the one' after two hours is setting themselves up to be rejected. Most people just don't respond well to that kind of intensity. A smart person would wait to declare their undying love (even if they honestly felt like they had fallen in love) because one day is just too darn fast to be making declarations.

Trixie Granny said...

Well said. Thank you.