Monday, July 25, 2005

Living My High School Nightmare...Again..

My High School memories are filled with thrift store shopping and sneaking out of the house to see my boyfriend.

It was a dreadful time for me that I have been so releived to have over with. I hated the restrictions that my parents put on me in an attempt to keep me safe. It began from the time that I started dating, which was shortly before my 16th birthday. I was asked to go to the Homecoming dance of a guy I had met at a church dance. He went to another school than I did, but our dances were on the same weekend and I assumed that his was on Saturday, as mine was. You can imagine my surprise when he showed up at my house to pick my up on Friday evening!
But, that's another story....

It was a friend of his that I started going steady with. His name was Cosmos. That was really his name. My parents were out of town one weekend and I was invited to go to a movie with him, but I was not of the dating age of 16. My parents made an exception and allowed me to attend the dance with his friend, but I knew they would not approve of my going out with Cosmos. If for no other reason, than the fact that he was of African American descent.

Since then, they began to put restrictions on me, and curfues, spying on me, listening to phone conversations, and reading my journals. This did not change my behavior, it merely improved my ability to lie to them. They eventually forbade me to see him.

Our relationship eventually ended after countles lectures and a few counselling sessions, I broke it off with Cosmos. It was not hard because I found a new boyfriend. Another one whom my parents did not approve of. He was white, but he was not active in the church. His father had been excommunicated and his step mother was an editor for an Anti-Mormon magazine in Salt Lake. We continued to see each other for a few years off and on. I broke it off with him at least 5 times at the request of my parents. He finally got tired of me breaking it off with him, and found another girlfriend.

I suppose my parents might have taken similar action when I was dating my ex-husband, but I was living in Provo while we met and dated. They didn't meet him until we announced our engagement while we came out to visit them for a few days. I suspect they would have liked to, once they got to know him more.

Here I am single again and pushing 30, and living with my parents once more. I still don't own my own car, and they are still kind enough to provide one for me. I was paying on it when I was able to afford it, but not presently. In fact I am not even driving the car that is designated for me. I traded with my mother, temporarily when I moved out here because mine was not ready to go in time.

When my mother found out that I have been using her car to drive to my boyfriend's house, (which is 40 min away) every few days, she was not happy about it. After coming home late one night from Frankenstein's house I didn't knock on my dad's door to let him know I was home, so he was up all night worrying about me.

The next day he began to drill me about Frankenstien. I know my dad likes him as a person, but apparently he doesn't quite meet his expectations in order to date his daughter. I was annoyed after a few mintues and walked out of the conversation. He then typed out a full paged letter with explicit restrictions on my use of the car. In essence, I cannot use the car to see Frankenstein. He must come to my house with a car to pick me up, (well he doesn't have a car right now either).

This extended to any other guy I might go on a date with. He said he would watch Guy for me only if I am going on a date with a man who is temple worthy, has a car and has had a steady job for at least 6 months. (My dad has not had a steady job in the last two years.)

It is this kind of restriction that has caused me to shut off the communication with my parents. I have learned to lie, and hide what I am doing to avoid their scorn. I thought things had changed between us, but I suppose that was only while I wasn't dating.

I use Guy as an excuse, but I really need to start earning enough money to support myself and Guy, so I can be independant and have some self respect.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

The Inexperienced Experts

Guy has recently started throwing some nasty fits, including kicking and screaming and hitting and biting. I have had to haul him up to his room to remove him from the situation. It's a good thing I am so tough or I may not have been able to handle him without being hurt by him. I was letting him work it out by himself in his room. He would throw things at the door, or hit it and he would yell and scream, "MOMMY GET BACK HERE!", "OPEN DOOR!"

I was leaving him in there until he could calm himself down, but what I am realizing is that he usually needs some help to calm down when he is that upset. Now when I have to put him in his room, I only leave him for a minute or less and when I open the door he comes to me with open arms, asking me for a hug and ready with an apology.

Before I realized this, we were concerned with how to deal with these outbursts. My dad was unnerved by it and wondered how it would be if he were a teen ager and could not control his temper.

My brother opened up and in an effort to help us said that if we are interested in seeking their advice they would be glad to help us.

*Let it be known that my brother and his wife do not have any children.*
*Let it also be know that until this point, they had also never watched Guy for me for even an hour.*

My dad relayed to me from a conversation that he had with my brother when he said that they are not exactly Virgins when it comes to raising children.........???????

Are they stashing some kids in their closet downstairs? How can you be experienced in something you have never fully experienced? They consider the one and one half years that they were the Ward Nursery leaders as child rearing experience???!!

Granted it can be a challenging calling and it does take some knowledge in child behavior, but it is very different from being a parent. Children often act differently with other adults that they do with their own parents, usually better. The Nursery leaders give me nothing but praise for how well behaved Guy is in their class. For example she recently shared with me how one of the girls in the class was sick and Guy thought on his own to bring her a blanket and a stuffed animal to comfort her.

My brother had a birthday and the custom is for them to have dinner with her family at their house. They choose to have the birthday dinner at our house this time. We greeted them outside, as Guy had been playing out front. Instead of the usual enthusiastic, "Hi big Guy, how are you? Give me five!" When I introduced them they had this strange cold look on their face. I know now what they were thinking... ("Ah, so this is the problem child and his poor, naive mother.")

After the blowing out of the candles on the cake, my sister-in-law's mother invites my dad to tell us what kind of a child Aaron was. My dad was proud to say that he was as straight as an arrow and wanted nothing more than to please his parents and to be a missionary, which is the truth.

Then she began to tell about what a problem child her daughter was.....and then one day.....she went to this class at Education week at BYU....and her problems were solved by this Behavioral Psychologist. All she had to do was impliment his simple techniques and voila! Model children!

She went on for an hour telling us her story to her captive audience, as we were eating birthday cake. I made some comment and she asked, "Do you have a Kari, too?" I wish I had said, "No, I have a Guy Smiley".

Guy's issues are different than those that Kari had and I will find a way to correct his behavior in a way different than the system she implied.

I have already been doing mostly what this philosophy discussed, but I can't see that I should have to give my child a toy reward every time he does something good. Praise and self gratification should be sufficient. Otherwise I am teaching him that he should expect something from me every time he does anything good.

This is week old news and Kari volunteered to watch Guy for me, for the first time last night so that I could attend this "Sock-baring-forbidden, Sock Hop" at BYU. In which they all seemed to have high hopes for me to meet "the man of my dreams" at.

Dating Shmmating

Frankenstein has been encouraging me to continue to date other guys. There are honestly, no others that I am interested in, especially when compared to him.

When I got a call from the guy that I met in the park several weeks ago, that I was supposed to go to his house for a BBQ, but Guy got sick, then I found him online later that day, then stood me up when we were supposed to go for a walk one know, that guy that I haven't given a name. He called me to let me know that he and his daughter would be at the park for a few hours that evening and invited Guy and I to come out with them. So, I met up with him for about half an hour.

The next week I met up with someone new from online. We met at the Purple Turtle, this odd looking purple hamburger joint in town. His picture didn't show enough detail for me to see that he really wasn't all that attractive. He seemed pretty dull and boring. He told me about two occasions where he had been to the temple on a date, the second time with two women. He said how he thought it irreverent how she kept leaning over in her seat to flash a smile at him. The poor girl probably thought she was going to have a ring on her finger by the time the night was over.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

3.2.1. Contact

I never did call my ex-sister in law to try to find my ex. Instead, he found me. I got a message from him through one of the friend network sites that I belong to. He says he has been praying to find me, too. I guess he lost my phone number..?

I had arrangements to meet up with him a couple weeks ago, and I decided to bring Frankenstein along with me, which made me an hour late for our appointment and I missed him by a few minutes.

He has contacted me to meet up again. His intention is to become a part of Guy's life again and mine is to get information from him regarding his memory loss for the purpose of writing a book about it. I informed him yesterday that I have not yet made a decision regarding whether or not I am going to permit him to have visitation rights with Guy, considering that the only contribution that he has made for him where the shirts that he sent at Christmas time. Besides that I have not received one cent from him. I asked him to tell me what he would like and I told him I would consider it in making my decision.

I think my email was a bit of a reality check for him. He said he needs some time to think about it or, " be with his feelings for a while". He is such a different person, including his manner of speech.

I said that I don't give a damn about him, but the truth is I do care, I just try to protect myself from being hurt again.

Trixs Are For Frankenstein

I was on my way to go dancing last Friday, when I realized I didn't have enough cash on my to get in. I could have stopped somewhere and got some cash back, but I had another idea that beat that one all to pieces. At some point before I should have turned off to go dancing, I decided to keep on going through to Park City and surprise Frankenstein. I was supposed to call him around 10pm and I told him that I was on my way to go dancing, when in actuallity I was in Park City searching him for clues as to where exactly he was, in town.

At some point in the conversation, he asked me again where I was and I confessed that I was in Park City. He was in disbelief. He told me that he was just thinking to himself, "Gee, she's a really nice girl, but I wish she would play a trick on me."

So, he says to me, "You are MY girl!"

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Catch and Release

From the first time Frankenstein met me, he wanted to cut my hair. He told me that I am hiding behind my hair. He made it sound so exciting to, by the way he was using his hands and telling me how he will "sculpt it", "shape it" and especially when he said he is going to "release me!" I was sold. I let him have his way with my hair the day after we met.

What I didn't realize was, that sculpting, shaping and releasing interpreted as cutting off 5 inches! If you have read my entry entitled, "A Different Kind of Catch", you will know that I am not a stranger to short hair, but for the first time in my life, I was actually enjoying my hair being long. When I looked in the mirror after he cut my hair, I had to hold back the tears. I looked like Orphin Annie. I put on a happy face, but I did not pretend to like it. One thing I have learned about hair is that it always grows back.

Grandpa took Guy out fishing last week for the first time and Guy caught a fish! It was pretty exciting for him. He had a good time and he was fascinated by the fish that he caught. He kept looking and it and he showed it to anyone who happened to pass by. When we got home he showed it off to Uncle Aaron and his friends next door.

I hopped in the shower to get ready to go dancing and as I was getting out, a thought hit me. Guy has caught his "Big Foosh" and I caught mine!

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Working Mother

As of Monday I will be a working woman again. I was called back for a second interview on Tuesday for a part time job in Orem as a recepionist. My plan is to take Guy to Daycare in the morning while I study, then I will go to work in the afternoon.

Called to Serve

I was called a couple weeks ago to be a sunday school teacher, but my records haven't even arived yet, for some reason. I was called to teach the 7 year olds. I have taught in primary before. I used to teach the Sunbeams. There were about 10 kids in the class and most of them were active. It was a challenge to simply get the message across. I wish I could have been more creative in keeping their attention by getting them involved.

I remember one Mother's Day when I was able to attend Sunday School and Relief Society for a change. I was so overcome by the Spirit that I started to cry. I was sitting next to some friends of mine and they asked me what was wrong. "I can feel the Spirit!" I sobbed.

Last week was my first time teaching the class. The lesson was on Missionary work. I would like to put in a little more preparation time into the lessons next time, but it was a good chance for me to get to know the kids better. I brought a piggy bank for each of them to start a mission fund with.

"Mommy, You Find My Daddy"

For a couple years now, I have been praying to find a father for Guy. I even stopped praying for a little while, because I figured Got knew what I was going to say and he must be tired of hearing me ask. Occasionally I mention it when I say a bedtime prayer with Guy.

The morning after the July 4th, Guy woke up and after telling me good morning and giving me a hug, he said, "Mommy, you find my Daddy." Then he repeated it, "Mommy, you find mine own Daddy." Then he started asking where his Daddy was, and went out the bedroom door to look for him.

Frankenstein was with me when I tucked Guy in bed, the night before and he expected him to still be there. Guy was telling me that I have found his Daddy.

To Stop a Runaway Train

I was browsing the profiles online and I read one that started out about how he would like to find a woman with a child that he could take care of, I was impressed from the beginning. Not only was I impressed by his kind heart, but by his huge muscles, brown skin and bleached blonde hair, his sense of humor, his positive attitude and his fashion and flair.

I will refer to him as Frankenstien, per his request. I sent him an email asking about what foreign films he has seen because I noticed he said that was the type of movies he prefers. We emailed each other a few times. I was unsure at how interested he was in me because he took so long to get back to me sometimes. I took a chance and invited him to come to a ska show that I was dedicated to see. He called me on the phone and we talked for a good while. I found him amusing and refreshingly light hearted. He appreciated how honest and real I seemed.

He was not positive that he would be able to make it to the concert, but he seemed sincerely interested in making it if he could. I was prepared to go alone anyway, so it didn't bother me. I sent my son over to a neighbor's house for the evening, even though my friend and her daughter were staying here at the time, I could tell she did not want to be burdened with the task. My dad was not here to watch him either because he and my brother and his wife went camping from Thursday night through Monday afternoon.

I went to see the Slackers in downtown SLC, and it was a delightful show. The opening band was pretty lame and everyone was anxious for them to be done, but the Slackers made up for it. I found a spot in the rear of all the dancers and danced the night away. Occasionally I would look out in the crowd behind me to see if Frankenstein had arrived, but the show ended and I never saw him.

I checked my phone and found out that he was waiting for me outside. He told me later that he had been waiting for an hour for me. He even left a couple times, but came back. We think it may have been love at first sight. There were sparks flying around in the car, some one was sure to get kissed.

I had to get back home to get my son from the neighbor's house, so I invited him to come to my house where we could get to know each other better. He followed me home and he stayed for several hours. We talked and giggled and cuddled and kissed. He even tried to talk me into eloping to Las Vegas at that very moment.

I honestly wish I still had the courage to do such a spontanious act, but I promised myself that I would take my time before I committed to marriage again, especially since my first marriage happened so very quickly, then turned out so very rotten.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

The Visitors

I haven't been able to write much because I have been entertaining company. An old friend of mine and her daughter have been staying with us. She is about 5 minths along in her second pregnancy and she hoped that she could come and visit to have her spirits lifted while her daughter got to make friends with my son.

It has been less than a piece of cake having her daughter around. She has refused to get along with Guy, although he has been most generous and friendly towards her. He has been sharing his toys, like he always does, but she becomes posessive over his toys and tries to take them from him. She picks fights with him, and I bust Guy for pushing or hitting her back, but her mom lets her get away with minimal punishment, so Guy feels picked on. She will even Screech at the top of her lungs if he even comes close to her, if even just to pass her by. The advice I gave Guy was to just turn around and walk away if she comes after him. Of course that is hard to remember in the heat of the moment, but he has done exceptionally well.

I have tried to work it out to take turns playing referee with them, but my friend's daughter would rather follow her mother, so she has not had a break because she is being so demanding. Her daughter has had diarea the whole trip, and no change of diet has made any difference. I suggested that she might be teething. Well, last night my friend found two new mollars in her daughter's mouth. This was probably the cause of some of her crankiness.

Guy has had enough of her and he started saying that he doesn't like her. Last night as I was putting him to bed he told me, "Mommy, me crying." (which he wasn't litterally, but he was sad). I asked him why he was so sad. "Me no like two girls." he said. It made my heart ache that he would feel that way, because I could tell that his feelings were hurt. I assured him that I still love him and that we only have to put up with them for two more days.

I regret that my friend has not been able to have a more enjoyable stay with us, which it would have been, minus her daughter. I have been doing all the dishes, at least a full load every day, I gave up my room to them, (last night I slept on the couch downstairs), I have been paying for groceries and gas and a few costs for all the activities that we have been doing, I even bought a couple toys for each of the kids. I just want her to know that I care about her and I want to ease her burden a bit.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Sorry to keep you waiting...Life has been happening

I am working on getting some entries posted, I just haven't had a moment to sit down and write them, and they are all building up in my mind. I am anxious to put them down.

I'll give you a glimps of what has happend so far...

I got a new calling at church.
I got a job.
I have been entertaining company.
I went to a terrific Ska concert.
I got a hair cut.
I met Mr. Wonderful.
...and I found out I am pregnant.

OK, just kidding about the last one! But Dang! How does all this happen at once?

Friday, July 01, 2005

A Second Proposal

I have been storing up some thoughts and events to share, but I am having a hard time remembering now what they were. Once again I have been invited to take a road trip to Vegas to get married! He asked me only just a few hours ago. This time, it was a little more tempting than the last offer, but the length of time that we have known eachother was even shorter. We have only emailed eachother a couple times, talked on the phone for the first time last night and met in person for the first time tonight.

I will tell more later. I am too tired now.