Monday, July 25, 2005

Living My High School Nightmare...Again..

My High School memories are filled with thrift store shopping and sneaking out of the house to see my boyfriend.

It was a dreadful time for me that I have been so releived to have over with. I hated the restrictions that my parents put on me in an attempt to keep me safe. It began from the time that I started dating, which was shortly before my 16th birthday. I was asked to go to the Homecoming dance of a guy I had met at a church dance. He went to another school than I did, but our dances were on the same weekend and I assumed that his was on Saturday, as mine was. You can imagine my surprise when he showed up at my house to pick my up on Friday evening!
But, that's another story....

It was a friend of his that I started going steady with. His name was Cosmos. That was really his name. My parents were out of town one weekend and I was invited to go to a movie with him, but I was not of the dating age of 16. My parents made an exception and allowed me to attend the dance with his friend, but I knew they would not approve of my going out with Cosmos. If for no other reason, than the fact that he was of African American descent.

Since then, they began to put restrictions on me, and curfues, spying on me, listening to phone conversations, and reading my journals. This did not change my behavior, it merely improved my ability to lie to them. They eventually forbade me to see him.

Our relationship eventually ended after countles lectures and a few counselling sessions, I broke it off with Cosmos. It was not hard because I found a new boyfriend. Another one whom my parents did not approve of. He was white, but he was not active in the church. His father had been excommunicated and his step mother was an editor for an Anti-Mormon magazine in Salt Lake. We continued to see each other for a few years off and on. I broke it off with him at least 5 times at the request of my parents. He finally got tired of me breaking it off with him, and found another girlfriend.

I suppose my parents might have taken similar action when I was dating my ex-husband, but I was living in Provo while we met and dated. They didn't meet him until we announced our engagement while we came out to visit them for a few days. I suspect they would have liked to, once they got to know him more.

Here I am single again and pushing 30, and living with my parents once more. I still don't own my own car, and they are still kind enough to provide one for me. I was paying on it when I was able to afford it, but not presently. In fact I am not even driving the car that is designated for me. I traded with my mother, temporarily when I moved out here because mine was not ready to go in time.

When my mother found out that I have been using her car to drive to my boyfriend's house, (which is 40 min away) every few days, she was not happy about it. After coming home late one night from Frankenstein's house I didn't knock on my dad's door to let him know I was home, so he was up all night worrying about me.

The next day he began to drill me about Frankenstien. I know my dad likes him as a person, but apparently he doesn't quite meet his expectations in order to date his daughter. I was annoyed after a few mintues and walked out of the conversation. He then typed out a full paged letter with explicit restrictions on my use of the car. In essence, I cannot use the car to see Frankenstein. He must come to my house with a car to pick me up, (well he doesn't have a car right now either).

This extended to any other guy I might go on a date with. He said he would watch Guy for me only if I am going on a date with a man who is temple worthy, has a car and has had a steady job for at least 6 months. (My dad has not had a steady job in the last two years.)

It is this kind of restriction that has caused me to shut off the communication with my parents. I have learned to lie, and hide what I am doing to avoid their scorn. I thought things had changed between us, but I suppose that was only while I wasn't dating.

I use Guy as an excuse, but I really need to start earning enough money to support myself and Guy, so I can be independant and have some self respect.

No comments: