Saturday, June 25, 2005

Another Lead

Knowing that I would be in Heber City, which is a somewhat short distance from Coalville, which is the last place I knew (I am just going to call my ex-husband X. I think I gave him a new name at one point, but I have forgotten it by now), X's sister and mother were living. I have never been to their house before and the only address I had was a PO box. I only had a few clues to go by so I figured I might have to ask around. It is a small, quaint town and I figured there must be someone who knows them. I started with the General (yes, I said General) Store. I bought a couple candy bars and asked the woman at the register if she knows of (X's sister or mother and where they live). One of the names was familiar to her, but she couldn't think who they were. They gave me a phone book to look them up, but neither of their names were listed.

There was another gentleman there who claimed to know everyone in town. I tried to fill them in with more clues. It turned out, he does know everyone in town. Their house was only a few feet away, just around the corner from the store. Guy and I walked there, but no one was home. We sat on the swing on their porch while we ate our candybars and waited and hoped that they might come home.

We left after a little bit. Guy did not want to go, then he made a scene at another store along the way to the car. After we were in the car and on our way out of town, he requested some water. I was thirsty too and I wanted to get some in town, but I wasn't about to take him in the store with the way he was acting at that moment. So we drove to the next exit but I didn't feel much like going into the Roadhouse Cafe for some water. I decided to turn around and go back to Coalville for some water and to see again if anyone was home and maybe even wait a while.

I got some water at a gas station, then pulled up at their house again. I was in luck, X's Niece was home. She did not recognize me, but she knew when I told her my name. She let me in and gave me her mother's cell phone #. I asked about her grandmother and she said she moved to Idaho and she has not talked to her since she moved. I even asked her if she has heard from X recently. She doesn't know anything about him since he had his memory loss.

I was glad to have X's sister's number. I will be giving her a call and finding out what she might know. Then I will get her mother's # from her so I can bug her too.

A Nice Day for a ...Car Show Wedding?

I took Guy with me to meet up with another guy today. We met up at a car show in Heber City. He enjoys classic cars and he has been doing upholstery restoration for years. He used to own a Corviar, so that is what I will name him.

He gave me a small boquet of dasies and other wild flowers that he picked for me and he gave Guy two little box cars. It has been so long since I have received flowers from a man (besides my father). He looked better in person than in his picture. I think that is the norm. Some of the pictures people put up are so distant, that you can barely see their face, or the lighting is bad, etc. so it is hard to determine how a person will actually look in person.

The first place Guy wanted to go was to the playground. We hung out there for a while and he went down the slide about a dozen times and even dragged myself and Corviar along with him a couple times. Guy wanted to participate in the hoola hoop contest and he won a coin that he could turn in at A&W for a free drink. The lady that gave it to him said, "Have your daddy take you to A&W to get a soda, ok?"

I even gave the ole' hula hoop a try. I cannot keep that thing up like I used to. When I was younger, I was always the last one still twirling. I blame it on the pregnancy, as I do many other things. Anyway it was fun. We looked around some more at the cars. We sat down to enjoy a cold drink and we hear the announcer behind us say, "If I could have your attention please, We are going to have a wedding."

Then they proceeded to play, "Here Comes the Bride" as the groom stepped up onto this platform with a corny arch dangling with a few silk plants. Then came a group of brides maids, followed by the bride. Talk about an original location for a wedding.... 'Surprise everyone! You thought you came to a car show, but now you are all guests for my wedding!...I'm so glad you could come.'

Corviar and Guy and I took off shortly after the ceremony started and got some pizza. As soon as we got seated, it started pouring down rain, as it has done the last few days, as it did in Idaho...clear skies all morning and noon, then at about 4 everyday a rain storm would start. I even saw a double rainbow one afternoon in Idaho, when we were there for a family reunion.

Those poor people getting married must have all been drenched.

Corvair was pretty friendly. He even called me tonight and left me a message thanking for the good time he had with me and that he would like to get together again to get to know me better.

I like when the date makes a follow up call to say that they had a good time. I think it is good manners and it confirms that they really did have a good time, they weren't just saying that to save face, or something. Not that I have suspected anyone of doing that, but it's just nice. My point is I like it.

What I do not like is when I try to break it off with someone and they continue to call me Chino. He called me 5 times on Friday. I missed 3 out of the five and ignored the other two. He still wants me to come with him to his niece's big birthday bash. I left him a message telling him that I don't make a habit of dating married men and I didn't appreciate the way he didn't respect me.

He called me again today. I finally answered after the second call. He explained that I must have misunderstood about the divorce. He told me that it has been final for six months, not that they are six months in the process of... so I apologized for that, but I told him that I still don't want to see him again. He asked me why and told me that if there is something wrong I just need to tell him. So that there was no misunderstanding...I said, "I did tell you and I will tell you again...You were trying to undress me and I didn't appreciate it." I hear him say, "oh.." then the connection is lost.

He called later, which I did not answer, to tell me that his battery died on his phone.

Chino, if you can hear me...I DO NOT WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU ANYMORE!

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

More Than Words

I went out again last night with, the same guy I went Mexican Dancing with. I think I'll name him Chino. We were originally going to go to the lake with Guy, but the weather turned bad, so we went do dinner, just us two. And where did we go, but to an Oriental Buffett.

I had been there before, too with my ex-husband and his mother. Guy was with us then and he had his first taste of solid food. My mother in law was getting a kick out of feeding him tapioca pudding.

Chino ate 8 muscles from the buffett!..among other things. I'm not suggesting that he at too much food, but that seemed like a lot of empty shells on his plate. Is that normal? I kind of suspect not. Isn't it said that they enhance one's sex drive?....Great, as if he needs it.

I began prying to find out more about what happened with his marriage. I asked him how long he has been divorced and he explains that it is six months into the divorce, ie: he is still legally married. Then I ask him why it didn't work out between them. He goes on about how when there is no love, any problem is a big problem. I then asked if he is saying he didn't love her. He proceeded to tell me how when he got off of his mission, his goal was to get married, so he made a list of possible girls that he knew and selected from them. He regrets his decision and he said that he feels like his heart still belonged to some other girl who wasn't a member.

Twelve years they were married. I asked him if he didn't grow to love his wife. He claims that he felt an obligation for her and his children, but that it wasn't enough.

I was not impressed. That obligation is what should have kept him married to his wife. He failed to mention that his divorce is not yet final. That is an issue with me. I did not even go on any dates before I got those papers back from the judge, even if my ex was going around shackin up with other women.

I didn't want to let it ruin the evening, so I moved on to something else. I suggested we go to a movie after dinner. He mentioned that the CD that he coppied for me about ebay sales was back at his place. So he wanted to give that to me and we could watch a movie there.

He just purchased The Passion, which I had not seen, so we watched that. Let me just say, that it is not a good make out movie. He was putting the moves on me the whole time. It was easy for me to resist him, especially with that movie on. I had to let him know a few times what my boundaries were, but he kept coming back and trying again.

I noticed that he wasn't wearing garments. I aske him why. He skirted around the issue, and said he would tell me later. I began to be suspicious about what else he wasn't telling me. I started questioning him. I asked him if he had an affiar, or if he has been intimate with other women since he and his wife split up. He dodged them like a cannon ball.

I got up and told him I needed to go. He wanted to talk it over, and I told him I feel like there is something he is not telling me and he is not respecting me. He figured he was different than other guys because he wants to work on having a serious relationship with me. I told it wouldn't matter if he got down on his knee and put a ring on my finger, the limits would still apply. I think he finally got it.

I finally left, and I will not be seeing him again. I felt misunderstood and annoyed. I was wishing I could see Raymond to cry on his shoulder or something. I messaged him to find out if he was free. Before he reponded, I had already made up my mind that I would not see him. He said he had just been on a date, but it was over now. I told him, me too! I explained that I was in SL and that I thought about stopping by, but I changed my mind. He said, "Damn, if I was in SL, I would say yes, but I am in Ogden."

It was enough to know that he would have invited me. Why is it that I can't get him out of my mind? I think about him when I am out with other guys. I love that he respects me and is sensitive to my feelings. I don't even have to say anything and he will sense that something is wrong.

Monday, June 20, 2005

My Dad's the Greatest Dad

I just want to say how much I love my Dad. I couldn't ask for a better one. He is such a support for me. My mother too, which hasn't always been the case. But my dad has always been at my defense.

I got up and made him some hash-browns and an omelet for breakfast, on Sunday. I have made omelets a million times and I have never burnt them, well this morning I burnt it. I was fussing so much over the hash-browns that I didn't turn it in time. One of these days I will discover the secret to making hash-browns like they to at IHOP, or Denny's or The Waffle House, etc. Grr. My dad still ate them and pretended that they were delicious.

Church starts at just the same time that Guy would normally be taking his nap. We were in the back of the chapel on the fold out chairs and Guy wanted to lay down. We laid him across my dad's lap and mine so he could sleep. We were still sitting there after Sacrament meeting when the Bishop walked by with a young man and they both waved at me. I did not know who the young man was.

My brother told me a few times that the Bishop knew of a single young man in the ward. Apparently the Bishop has a reputation for being a matchmaker. One of the ladies in the Relief Society shared her story with me how the Bishop strategically called her as the Single Adult Ward Rep, hoping that she would meet this particular man. When that didn't work he called them to work together on some Youth activity Planning Committee. His plotting was successful and they eventually married.

The ward is full of families and young children. There was a Young Woman advancing into the YW program the first Sunday here and the Bishop recounted that she was the 24th girl to advance into YW, Year to date! 24 in 6 months! There are two nurseries and one packed primary.

Young families mean young parents. I have been a little curious to know who this single guy in the ward was, but I did not want to mistake him for one of the married men.

Last night I get an email through one of the online services. This single guy from my ward happens have a membership to the same online service. He said he was just looking around and he saw my profile and recognized me as the girl he waved to at church that same day. I recognized him, too as the one who waved at me at church. So now we are exchanging emails.

That Bishop is pretty sly!

I think this started out having to do with my Dad. You know I always get side tracked by the boys...

After church we went for a drive to a lake, where we went for a small hike around it. They informed us that there was a washout a few miles ahead, so the road was closed off at one point. The water in the lake was higher than normal and we saw picnickers next to the riverbank, where there were sand bags keeping the water back. I'll see if I can get the picture from my brother that he took with his phone and post it for you.

My brother had the idea to have a barbeque for my dad. He bought some special bacon wrapped sirloin steaks to cook. My dad has been craving a tender, juicy steak for a few months now and it still had not been satisfied. These turned out perfectly. I even enjoyed it!...and I am not a lover of steak.

Then we passed out cards and ate this modified version of a black forest cake that I made. I just added peaches with the cherries on bottom and sprinkled roasted coconut on top of the drizzled frosting over the chocolate cake. It was a hit.

I L O V E, love you, Dad!

To my readers...


I have a basic service with a company called blogpatrol where I can see who has viewed my profile. Of course it doesn't tell me your names or anything of the sort, but I do know that I have some regular readers. I would like very much to receive some feedback on occasion from those that visit my site. I am also curious to know what keeps you coming back for more. Besides, I have shared so much about myself with you, I would really like to get to know something about you, too.

Please, I welcome your comments. Also, FYI I have added a link in the left column for Bloglines. They offer a free service of sending you an email each time your favorite blogs are updated. Let me know if it works.

I know my web page is basic. I do not take the time to make it all spiffy and personalized, etc. I am satisfied with this retro-disco-style polka dot template. There are a few things I would change, but I have choosen not to take the time to mess with it. In this case, it is about the meat, not the package. The rest of the time, it's the reverse. ;)

Happy Reading,
Trixie Granny

My new profile picture, taken in Maui Posted by Hello

Defining-the-Relationship Queen

I am going to bring up Bachelor #2 again and I feel like I should give him a name this time, which will be simply; Washington. I wasn't sure how to approach the situation after he returned to Washington. I knew at this point I was not interested in him and I kinda wrote him off, but I hadn't confronted it with him.

He sent me a text message saying he was sorry. I didn't respond. Then he messaged me and asked me if I was ignoring him. Of course I told him, no. He said, "Good, because I can't stand that. If I don't want to talk to someone, I just say so."

So, I told him I was not ignoring him, but I did tell him how I felt about the way he behaved when he came over. I told him I didn't appreciate how he was so persistant with me. He apologized and told me that he had no intentions of hurting me. I said that I understand, but that I still feel the same way.

We remained friends and would chat from time to time. Since I was not online for several days because I was working on getting our home network setup, he called me just to say hello. The second time he called, I was on my way into a store. We talked for a minute and he said he would call me back because he wanted to talk to me. I asked him if he has something to tell me. "Maybe", he said.

When he called me back, he started telling me how much he likes me and how he feels like I am the perfect match for him. He had a feeling from the first time we spoke on the phone that he was falling for me. He said he feels like I am THE ONE and that he has never felt this way about anyone else before. Then of course he wanted to know what my feelings were for him. I told him I am not certain. I said it is hard for me to judge after only having spent a couple hours together.

Then he told me how he would like to offer to fly myself and Guy out to Washington to visit him. I told him I needed to think it over and get back to him tomorrow.

I already knew I couldn't accept his offer since I am not interested in having a serious relationship with him, so I had to think of a way to let him down easy. It came down to telling him, "The bells just aren't ringing for me." He seemed to understand. He choose not to keep in touch because it is hard to be faced with heartache everyday, which I understand.

The more dating I do, the more "Define-the-Relationship" talks I have to have. I am wondering if I should be more selective with whom I should go out with. Should I trust my first impression of them? If I am not interested from the beginning, can I assume that dating them is not going to change that?, so I should spare them the heartache?

No, I want to give them a chance to impress me in person. There are so many elements that get left out of the online experience. Then there is the question, Do I allow them to take me out a second time if I am still not interested? Would that be leading them on, or simply giving them a second chance?

I don't enjoy breaking hearts. I am not a man eater. Dating is simply a process of elimination. I have never had so many men to choose from before. Ever since I put up some new photos in my profile, I have been getting so many more responces. I think it's the new hair do. I have never felt so beautiful before. I think maturity has been good to me. I have always looked younger than my age, which I still do, but at least I don't look like I am still in High School. I wonder why I didn't perm my hair sooner...Hm, maybe it was because of my last experience with a perm...when I permed it only a few months after having dyed it black, then having two bleach processes done to correct it, and dying it brownish red. Hmm no wonder my hair, as someone said...looked like I stood too close to a fire. I cut it all off myself, about 1 1/2 inches short after that.

Back to dating...
I have been out with two active members so far. It was an ok experience. They both happened to be Mexican. I think I would enjoy getting to know Tim more, but his guy last night was not really my style. I'm not sure what I mean by that because he was nice enough, I guess I mean to say that the bells just weren't ringing.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Tropicana Trailer

When I lived in Provo with my cousin several years ago, I would go swing dancing at a place called the Tropicana. It was owned by some members of the church, and they did not serve alcohol. They used to have swing dancing in the larger room and salsa in the smaller room. After a while it was the reverse. Now they don't have swing dancing at all.

The Tropicana is where I met my ex-husband. Last night I returned to the Tropicana after five years. I went there on a date with someone I met online. I thought he was taking me salsa dancing, but it was Mexican. It really would not have made any difference, but it was a new experience for me.

We got there about 9:30 and the place was still a little bare, we danced anyway. By 10:30 the place was starting to fill in. There was a live band and a second one started up just before I left at midnight, to get the party started all over again. Once the place was filled with people, I looked around and realized that I was the only white person there.

It was strange to be there again. I reflected on the old swing dancing days. About 30 seconds into dancing with me, my date tells me, "Jew are a pretty good dancer. Where did you learn to dance so well?" Then after a little bit longer he says to me, "I love the way you move."

There was a small section of the wall that had a mirror on it. I could tell that he was strategically placing me so that he could watch my booty in the mirror. Then he would lean his head on mine and he would breath heavily into my ear. It was so loud, I half wondered if the people around me could hear him. I also got a kick out of how he would place my hand high on his chest, then on his hip and later just above his tushy, and finally on his wallet.

I am used to going dancing by myself, and I think I prefer it that way because then I am not stuck with dancing with the same guy the whole night. Not that there was anyone else I was interested in dancing with there that night, but I do like some variety. He did fine though and he would mix it up from time to time. I learned a few new dances, even.

He wants me to go with him to his niece's 15th birthday party, there is a name for it, I just can't seem to remember what it is called. It's like a coming out party. Anyone know what I am talking about?
Anyway, he says... you would fit right in at any Mexican party because you can do all the dances.

He walked me to my car and gave me a goodbye hug, then a goodbye kiss, but not in the manner of the French. I appreciated that, especially because we were in the parking lot and there were people passing by. He was pooring on the charm, telling me that I am perfect and how much he likes me. He asked me how many other guys I go out with from online and he wondered if I had the same impression on them too.

The first thing that came to mind was that I had essentially been proposed to the night before. I don't know if it's a good idea to be telling my dates about other guys that I have dated. They always seem to be curious, I suppose to know what their chances are with you. I suppose making myself seem wanted is a good approach to it, but some guys don't like competition, or do they? It's there at any rate. I suppose it's best just to be honest yet discrete about it all.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

The Investigation Begins...

I had a date at Cafe Rio on Wednesday, with ...(Tim). He is 34, divorced and has four girls. He's good looking. I love his dark rimmed glasses. He is mostly Mexican, so he has nice, dark skin.

We sat outside at a table on the patio. The weather has been just perfect here, the last few days. We shared our divorce stories. I managed to tell mine from beginning to end. I guess I have developed a more condenced version that I can share all in one sitting. People are so overwhelmed by the story. I can laugh about it as I tell it. Some of it is pretty comical, really. Other parts are down right depressing.

I have been receiving some encouragement for me to continue with my project in writing a book about my ex's memory loss. I took a trip today up to Ogden to find his first ex. I knew where her mother lived, so I stopped by there. His ex was expected to show up later tonight, so I got her mom's number and called over there a little while later.

She has not heard anything from him since December, when he signed his rights to the kids over. I mentioned to her that I would like to speek to her regarding his memory loss, for the purpse of writing a book. She said she does not believe it, even after visiting with him after it happened.

I asked her if she would mind if I kept in touch with her. She said that she is hesitant to do that because she has already.."shut that door". She went on to tell me how her kids have a good life now with their new father and she does not want to disturb that.

I wondered why I didn't feel the same way about him. I wondered if I had not "closed the door" in my mind with him. I came to the conclusion that I have. The only reason I am interested in contacting him is for the purpose of writing a book. Otherwise, if he wants to disappear, I wouldn't give a dammm.

The Mystery Dancer

I failed to mention about going out swing dancing last Friday. There was a good crown out last week, compared to this week. I danced with every lead there last week at least once. There must have been about 15 leads. There are much more better dancers here. I met a few who claimed to be beginners, but they did very well. Most of them had had some kind of former dancing training, which always helps.

Towards the end of the dance last week, I remember meeting a guy, I will name him Vernon. There was something about him that was comfortably familiar. He is a fabulous dancer. He asked me to dance, the first chance he got, tonight. Later, he even worked in some blues moves. I don't know much about him, still. He looks to be about age 27. He would not tell me what he does for work...kind of odd. Maybe he is an exotic dancer/stripper. Hehe, I don't know, but I shall make it my duty to find out.

Friday, June 17, 2005

The Ice Cream Hunt

I went to the swing dance at the U of U again last night. There weren't a whole lot of people there. I was hoping to see Raymond, he said he might come. He wasn't there and I was getting bored. I asked several people to dance and the last person I asked was this guy from India. He has only been in Utah for 6 months. He doesn't have a whole lot of friends yet. We were talking and he mentioned that there are a couple movies that he would like to see. He asked me if I would like to join him. "Sure, Right now?" I asked. "Well, yeah, ok. It might be kind of late, but we can give it a try."

I followed him over to his place and we took his car to the theater. It was already 45 minutes into the last showing for the night. We decided to get some desert instead. There were only a couple bars open still at the mall where we were, so we drove up a street where he had seen an ice cream place before. There were about 6 different places like A&W, Baskin Robbins, and several other fast food places that sell ice cream. It was barely 11:00 when we pulled into the Baskin Robbins, just in time for them to be closing the doors. We were trying to spot a place that was still open. We must have gone back and forth on that block 4 times. Finally we parked and walked up the street only to dicover that they were all closed, unless we went through the Wendy's drive through. So we went to Smiths and bought some Dove ice cream bars. We brought them out into the parking lot and sat on the cement wall bordering the parking lot and talked while we ate our ice cream.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

PB & J

Tonight, I was having a conversation with a new friend of mine about my Patriarchal Blessing. He asked me if my blessing said anything about a vocation. I realized that it does not. What it does say is: that if I support my husband in his earning a living for me and in his callings in the church, he will reciprocate and bless me and sustain me as a mother in Israel.

The next paragraph mentions that people will confide and trust in me and that I will go into action to assist them. It also mentions that I will have the opportunity to share my testimony with my family, those close by in the community and even those who may hear me in different nations.

I have tried to use my blessing as a guide as to how to live my life. I think I have subconsciously made decisions based upon its contents. In college I studied Fashion Design because it was interesting to me, not because it would land me a good paying job to support a family with. I never expected that I would ever be a single mother. I relied on the fact that my blessing told me that I would have a husband that would support me as a mother. I assumed that I would be able to stay at home with my children. I ponder the idea that I may have missed the boat on some of the blessings promised me, due to my unfaithfulness.

I think my desire to travel was also spawned from my blessing because it talks about sharing my testimony with people of other nations. I do enjoy traveling and I wish I could do more. There are more ways of sharing a testimony with people in other lands that don’t require my being there. Internet communication is one of them. Broadcasts are another way. Perhaps I will be a speaker or write a book….or maybe all this chatting online, with people throughout the World is actually making a difference in someone’s life...naw.

Friday, June 10, 2005

My First Night Out

My parents drove in and got here Wednesday evening. I made enchilladas for everyone for dinner. I even made fresh refried beens.

We did a lot of moving of stuff today. First we cleared out the garage and put the boxes into the basement. Then we had some help from the ward stop by this eveing and they helped us unload the truck. At first we were just bringing the boxes that go upstairs to the bedrooms into the house. When I got out of the shower, my room was filled with boxes, including on my bed.

I got ready and took off to go swing dancing. I sent a text message to Raymond to see if he was going. He hasn't returned my messages the last two times. The time before that was a few days ago. I had a terrible time finding the place and I wished I he or somebody was able to help me out. I happened to find a map of the campus in one of the buildings, so I found it eventually, and I even had an hour remaing to dance.

They held the dance outside on this cemented area and I didn't want to wear my suede dancing shoes on the cement, so I had to wear what I had on...some clogs with heels. So the backs were flopping all around, etc. I kept trying to explain, but it's hard to make a good first impression when one is wearing impossible shoes. For one dance, I even took them off.

I know I met one person from the forum and I saw a long lost friend that seems to be the only remaining dancer from when I was around. Even he is planning to move away soon. To Denver, for better swing dancing. I summed up my life over the last four years in one long, run on sentence.

Raymond was there and we danced a couple songs. When the dance should have ended and I ran out of people to ask to dance, I thought I might be able to chat with him again for a bit, but he was sitting, quite comforably with another girl, so I spoke to them briefly and skipped on out.

I think I was a bit jealous, but it was to be expected. Serves me right for allowing myself to have feeling for someone that is off limits.

Monday, June 06, 2005

We Made Some Pee...rogress Tonight!

I had to share the latest development with Guy and his potty training. It has been a challenge to simply get Guy to even sit on the potty. He has sat on it a couple times prior to taking a bath, since we have been here. I believe it was an attempt to escape the bath, but he did it all the same.

We have been reading his potty book about every other night before he goes to bed. He is so cute, because he will repeat out loud each line that I read. So, tonight for the first time in six months of struggle, he sat on the potty and even went pee!

OK, so I bribed him with a popsickle at 9:30 pm, but it worked and I am just tickled about it. He has done so much growing up since we have moved. Sometimes he still tells me that he wants to go home, though. I have to explain him that this is our new home. Then I remind him that his Granpa and Grandma will be here soon. He is looking forward to that. Perhaps it will feel more like home once Grandpa is around for a while.

I am looking forward to his arrival too. I will have my live-in babysitter back. I haven't had any luck so far in finding anyone to watch my son for me in the evenings. It would seem that all the young women in the ward actually have lives. If it's not dance or tumbling lessons it's piano recitals and family functions.

What would I ever do without my parents? The more I realize how lucky I am to have their support, the more I feel indebted to them. They are making such a great sacrifice to allow me a better opportunity to find a husband that will take me to the temple. I couldn't possibly let them down.

Naturally, I have to go and fall for the one who is not a member. I am trying hard not to get attached to Raymond. It's undeniable what he does to me. So far he is everything I could ask for....except being a member...and even that, he is close to, but not quite.

Anyway, this entry wasn't about him. I'm sure there will be more later.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Sour Harmony

I have expected that my ex would be contacting me with hopes of seeing our son, once I moved here. I have not heard from him for several months and the only number I had for him was his work number. I tried to reach him there last week because I had a plan to write a book about some of his bizarre experiences since we seperated.

When I called his work, they informed me that he has not been working there since January. I figured his ex-wife would know his whereabouts, so I tried calling her number. It was no longer in service, and the number I got from information was not her either. I tried a few other bogus numbers. I am at a bit of a loss and I'm not sure weather I should pursue it any further or not.

Perhaps I will share it the events in my blog. It really is a phenomenon, what happened to him. I was reminded of it today again because in my search for the office of a temporary employment agency, I wandered into this business complex and discovered that I was at a Hospice and Heathcare center. I realized as I was leaving that it had the same name as a program that my ex-husband participated in, several months after we seperated.

It was a bit of a trip for me to stumble across it. See, he became homeless shortly after I left him. I would have been too, if I had stuck around any longer. Our utilies were being shut off one by one and the rent was a couple months late, too.

His life hit bottom at the end of his journey away from the church and from me. Even to the point of sleeping on the streets and surviving by the generosity of strangers. He learned about this program and considered it a chance to make a real change in his life. He was even willing to give up his prize possession; the upright base that his father gave him.

We drove all the way to Oregon to pick up that doghouse base. He would have carried it on his back and walked home if he had to. He traded art work for lessons from a member of a local Psychobilly band.

After we seperated, I got a phone call from him inviting me to attend his graduation from this program he was involved with. He shared with me how he had made many positive changes in his life and he wanted to be able to celebrate it with every one he cared about. I think he had this vision of being able to heal all the years of pain that he caused with myself, his other ex-wife, their children and with his mother and sister in this one day. He even offered to pay my airfare, if I would only promise to be there on this special day for him.

I was somewhat interested in supporting him in the milestone in his life, but I didn't feel like it was appropriate for me to make such a commitment to him when I was still trying to find my own way again.

Just a few weeks before he intended to graduate from this program, he dropped out because he and one of the employees wanted to date each other and that was not permitted. So, he tossed it all away so that they could continue seeing each other. They even moved out together and that's where he was at the time of his memory loss.

This is where it gets interesting...I think I will end here this time and go into that later.