Monday, March 20, 2006

Got the In-Love-With-A-Non-Member Blues

By Saturday I found myself going mad again. I wasn't any closer to getting to go to Sacramento and I was back to debating whether or not I should continue to pursue Paul.
Guy was sick all day and I put on a good act as if I was sick too. I spent most of the day in bed or on the couch or at the computer. It was pretty much a waste of a day, which isn't too unusuall lately.
While chatting with Paul, he offered to fly me out to Sacramento, but he also made it understood that he would expect me to stay with him and that we would not have a chaperone this time. The idea of it made me see stars and gasp for air. I would enjoy it, to be sure, but I could not come home to life as I know it, which on the other hand isn't that great either. On the other hand it's all I've got.
I tried to explain to him the repercussions if I accepted his offer. I knew I could not. I also came to the realization again that regardless of all my plotting and scheming, it simply would not work out with Paul and I. We decided that we should not talk or chat any more. Both our hearts were breaking as we said adeu. This lead to more lethargicness on my part and more laying around the house and more eating of chocolate ice cream.

Later that evening, all that napping and ice cream gave me a new found energy and I decided to go to the BYU swing dance. My dad shook his head as he recalled all the many times that I have stayed home from work or school all day being sick, then gone out dancing later that night, only to be more sick the next day.
The BYU dance was short, but sweet. Short because I rarely leave the house to go dancing before 10pm and their dances end at 11:30. I met a few new people from Provo and had some great dances. They were playing a lot of Blues that night because they had a blues lesson earlier, in an effort to prepare the croud that is attending the Sacramento exchange. I wished I could have danced some of the blues songs, but I had a streak of wallflowering when they were being played.
The last three dances made up for the time sitting on the stage. They were full of energy and creativity, thanks to Matt, Eric and Seth, who lifted me about 3 times and kept me spinning at least 10 times in a row. Unlike most girls, I enjoy spinning. Sure I'm a little dizzy after, but spotting helps and weee, it's fun!

1 comment:

Becky said...

I hear you on the non-member blues. I've been there myself. And while, you don't know me from Adam, let me say, those choices never end happy. 8 years later and i am still trying to get back to where I was before I chose the wrong road.
good luck!!!