Saturday, March 11, 2006

Friday Night Flop

I feel Betrayed, Confused, misguided, abandonded, tricked, neglected, misplaced, helpless, weak, alone, frustrated, annoyed, tempted, and let down.

I just got back from dancing at the "Golden Skillet" Ooo! It's a small place and there weren't a whole lot of people there, more than last week, because some kids from Provo were there tonight.
I got there at about 10pm, danced with all the leads, there were only 5 there, then sat down. Then came in the Provo kids. Everyone started goofing off and getting silly with their friends. Even so much as pretending to dance with the poles that are placed throughout the dance floor, very badly, I might add.
I was feeling like a missfit and decided to check out another venue in Murray. I had heard that it was west coast, but I thought it might be the change I needed. Nope, it just didn't appeal to me at all. West coast dancing with guys in cow boy hats to Michael Jackson just isn't my thing.
I broke down in tears when I got in my car to go home. I have lost hope in finding the man of my dreams here, in Utah. I haven't even found a girl friend that I can just talk to or go out with. I moved here specifically because I remembered there to be a large croud of LDS kids that swing dance. Well there is, but they are just that, KIDS. They are all several years younger than me. Which was fine when I was several years younger, but they seem to have stayed the same age. Truthfully, I only know one person that still dances from when I lived here before and she has always been much younger than me, so she is still safe. I suppose it's no different than the Young Adult Wards. Once you turn 30, you fall off the face of the Earth, if you haven't already by then. If they're lucky, it happens before they reach 25.

For me, dancing isn't just social entertainment. It is my therapy: physical and mental. In order for me to be happy, I must dance, regularly. Sure, I can dance alone doing tap, jazz, or ballet, but I would like to be able to do the couples dancing with my husband, rather than always wishing he could dance with me. It's not like it would be appropriate for me to go out dancing alone or with some girlfriends and without my husband. I need someone that has the same appreciation for dancing as me, so we enjoy it together.

I don't know where else to search. It would take another year to find out who, if any one in my Young Adult Ward dances, and if they do dance, then they would be out dancing and I would be sure to run into them there. I wish I could afford to travel to more exchanges in other states. It's just not reasonable, as I would have to leave Guy with Grandma and Granpa for several days at a time, but with this new job, at least I could either take my work with me or schedule the days off.

I had hopes of being able to go to the exchange in Sacramento, coming up. Not with any expectations of meeting "the one". I have already gone out with the only available member that swing dances in Sacramento. You can read about that under "Midtown Rendezvous". Though, I'm not sure I'll be able to afford it, since I don't have any money coming in and I have $100 to last me for the next three weeks or more. I may be able to sell off enough junk of mine on ebay to get myself there and back, but I am a little concerned also about how my parents would feel about me taking another road trip while I am supposed to be training for this job and only a few weeks after my last escapade. It sure would be nice to be able to spend some time there to visit with my old friends, though.

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