I need to write in the present for a while, because it is what is happening in my life right now that I long to express.
Friday night, January 27th after dropping (ok, I am now referring to Frankenstein as Frank to save me a few letters to type) Frank off at his brother's house, I got the impression that I needed to go to the Temple. I had good intentions to, several times, but I felt an urgency about it this time. The following Thrusday I was able to make arangements with my mother for her to watch Guy for me while I went.
I was seeking an answer regarding whether or not I should marry Frank. I still could not feel 100% sure about it. While in the temple, I imagined Frank there going through for the first time. It was a challenge to picture him being very serious about it all. I expected to look over and see him looking at me wonering what in the world was going on. All through the session I was still feeling ok about it. When I went into the Celestial room, I blocked out all the people standing around, crouding the room. I prayed for some kind of inspiration regarding Frank.
I heard the Lord speak to me in my mind. He told me that if I married Frank, that I would be okay~. Then he posed the question to me, "but what if I had some one else in mind for you?" Then the face of one of the elders that served on my mission came to my mind.
I have not kept in touch with any of the elders from my mission. I did see him at the quaint mission Christmas party, but we did not say much to eachother. I was already engaged to Frank at the time.
I adore him and I know there has been more than one sister missionary that would have liked to marry him. He has a wonderful singing voice and a great smile, and I know he is very nice. I was watching him play with my old companion's kids that were there at the party. They were loving it.
I knew that if I were to persue this, whether it would be this elder or not, I realized that I needed to break up with Frank to allow me to explore my other options.
My other assignment from the Lord, in the Celestial room was to call this missionary companion of mine with the kids, who happened to marry an elder from our mission and I believe he and this other elder keep in touch. Perhaps the word will get passed along to him that I am available again.
I guess it's up to him now.
In the mean time, I have been thrown back to the wolves and I am dating again.
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2 comments:
It is the constant struggle between what we have and the opportunities lost. There can be no right answer save to follow your heart, as it knows better than your head what the correct path is.
It is the classic battle between what you have and the opportunities lost. My only suggestion is to follow your heart, since only by following your heart will you ever find happiness and balance.
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