Tuesday, February 28, 2006

The Forbidden Pool

Paul and I began chatting online while we were at work. We would tease each other and share about ourselves and talk about our dreams and goals. It seemed that our goals were merging to the same. We wanted to be with each other.

We shared our religious beliefs and he mentioned that he downloaded the Book of Mormon. I was surprised yet again. I think this gave me false hope of him being interested in the church. He just wanted to know for his own curiosity, but with no intention of truly finding out if it might be true. I realized that his satisfied with his belief system and has no intention of changing. I could not dare to ask him to either. I cannot make that decision for another person.

I realized all this in the midst of making plans with him to go to San Francisco for the Tangoed up in Blues Workshop happening the following weekend. How could I say no to that? or to him? I ask you.

I was also realizing that he is every thing I could want in a companion/husband/father......if only he were Mormon! Besides that minor detail, he has come closer than any one else I have met.

He rerouted one of his flights for work with a layover in Salt Lake one Sunday afternoon. He had to beg them to put him on the waiting list because it was a full flight. He was able to get on the last seat on the plane.

I met him in SL and we went to dinner at the Olive Garden. They were playing some old time jazz and swing over the speakers. Just after our dinner came, "I get a kick out of You" came on. We both had the urge to dance to it, so we did. We stood up out of our chairs and danced right there in the restaurant through the whole song.

We had some time before he had to get back to the airport, but not enought to actually *do* anything, so we sat in the park and wait lot of the airport and did some smooching to fog up the windows so the cars next to us coudn't see in. It was like a drive in movie, although there was no movie playing, we wouldn't have watched it anyway.

I dropped him of at the terminal and I headed back to PG when I got a call from him telling me that his flight had been delayed for two more hours. I turned around and drove back to see him for a while longer.

I was hard enough to say good bye the last time, now we would have to say it all over again. We found a place a little more private. Did I mention that he gives the best massages?

We tried to think about where our relationship will go from here. I told him that if we got married I would always be wishing and hoping that he would join the church, and I don't want to live that way or put that pressure on him, although with that aside I think we would be very happy together. I imagined myself at the edge of a pool on a summer day with a strong desire to just JUMP in and be surrounded by the refreshing water. But an invisible force keeps me on the edge.

He was amazed at himslef at how quickly he has fallen for me. He wondered if it was the same for me and if I have ever fallen so fast before. I told him that yes, I probably have fallen this quickly before and it's because I have a lot of love to give, and no one to give it all to, so I fall in and out of love quickly and easily.

It was time once again for me to drop him off. As he was getting out of the car, he stopped my breath when he told me that he loves me. He said he does not fall in love so easily, but he has with me. I found it a little harder to admit that I love him too, but I confessed to him that I do, too. Then I cried on the way home wondering what I have done and what I am to do.

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