Saturday, April 22, 2006

My Hidden Excitement

I am still adjusting to my newfound mental and spiritual freedom. I have to hold back in many ways from showing or speaking about what I am feeling because I am still afraid to let on to my parents that I am planning to leave the church. I imagine myself with my head pearing out of the frosted dome that I have been living in with the other members of the church. I can't share with them what I am seeing because I know they will refuse to look up and see what I see. Occasionally, I have to put my head back in and pretend that I didn't see anything.

I make reality checks with myself..."Do I still believe this...? no, and it feels right to me. I can't do that...wait, yes I can."

I have come to the point where I want to warn my family of the adverse affects of the church and enlighten them to the falsities. As I suspected, for the first time, I told an active-member friend that I am leaving the church, he felt an obligation to testify and convince me otherwise. He told me that Satan has a hold on me. He told me that I have been tricked because I am in a moment of weakness and unworthiness. He told me that I must have faith. I imagine I will be hearing those kinds of comments several more times in the near future. They did not phase me, only annoyed me.

Truthfully, I am really looking forward to buying my first pair of sexy underwear!

No comments: