I guess I'm not ready to tackle my trip to Sacramento yet, so I'll bring up another subject that I have overlooked. Not that it's new subject, but it was a new development in an old subject.
I mentioned that I got a call from X while I was in San Francisco. In his message he told me that he had to leave work early because this was so heavy on his mind that he couldn't concentrate. He said that he has the desire to go back to church and he also said that he wants to get back together with me! Just like that. As if he can just put a testimonial band-aid on what happened and call it fixed.
I had to put it back on the shelf for when I got back into town. The night I get in, he calls me up and told me about his first day back to church and how the members reacted to him and his mustache. We arranged to meet the next evening to share some of his thoughts and feelings with me.
I was still dealing with my feelings for Paul from the weekend and then facing being officially unemployed and he could see the stress on my face. He asked what was troubling me and I told him about my job situation etc. So he asked me if I could use some money. I told him it would help. He had the nerve to say that all I had to do was ask. I told him that he can assume that I will always need help financially from him, but that I have never counted on it. He actually offered to transfer $60 to my paypal account. (..and he did, it was the first time he has given me any money since I left him 3 years ago.) He told me that he is planning to start paying child support regularly from now on. He even said he wants to pay $150/mo, $50 more than we agreed to.
We moved on and he told me about some experiences that he has had that led him to the feeling that we should be together. He mentioned a conversation with his mother where she told him that we complimented each other, or that she felt like I was the one for him or something.
He also said that he has continued to have futuristic dreams and that I have been in them. I have always known him to have these visions. There were several that I knew of that took place after he shared them with me. I think he feels unworthy of them and he doesn't know how to deal with them at times, so he tries to oppress them and avoids sharing them.
Then he discussed the desire to return to church and how his patriarchal blessing even mentions something that illudes to him falling away and coming back strong. He shared how his friends look to him as a spiritual leader. He is anxious to get involved again and he wanted to be able to call on me for support in his spiritual journey because he looks to me for knowledge of the Gospel.
He even said that he would like to be able to afford my rent for an appartment of my own within the next few months. He thinks he is rich just because he has a job that pays above minimum wage now.
He is still a damn good salesman. That, or I am still gullible. But this time I left my purse in the car so I wouln't buy anything. I made no promisses. I even opened up to him a little with what I was going through with dating and my conflicting answers to prayers and my feelings for Paul. I even spilled how I have been questioning my testimony because of it all. His reply was, "You shouldn't do that." Hahaha! as if he is one to give advice in this matter! He goes to church one time after more than three years and already he is a Saint.