It's just after midnight and I'm up because I was supposed to get back to Paul after putting Guy to bed, but apparently he fell asleep and I don't want to go back to bed yet. I put on some Belle and Sebastian and it has put me in a creative mood. I want to create a masterpiece. I have felt so stunted lately. I wish I could get over this hurdle to move on and allow my heart and mind to open up to creativity again.
I remember when I took on the project of painting the black bookshelves to look like wood for my bedroom. It took me about 5 hours to put on all the layers of paint and the texturing and the mixing of paint. I didn't really know how they would turn out and I was inspired along the way as to how to get the look I wanted. And when they were done, I felt so satisfied.
I feel like I am being held back in the....like 17th grade and I can't graduate until I pass the final test, which is to get married. I need to let go, pick up the pieces, shed the garbage and move on with my life before it passes me by. "Please Lord, help me let go." The Spirit is confirming this to me as I am writing this. My grip is so tight after clinching the dream for so long.
I took Guy to the park last week while we were waiting for his Dad to show up at his house, but that's another story. When we first got there, let him go play while I layed on the grass and looked up into the sky. I couldn't remember the last time I had done that. What a peaceful feeling it brought. It was a beautiful day. The sky was pure blue dispursed with white fluffy clouds. It was short lived because Guy realized he needed to go potty.
I am just realizing how much catching up I have to do on here. I think I will get busy filling you in...