Friday, July 07, 2006

Texas Toast

I had been planning this trip to Texas for at least a month. I made the decision when I was politely univited to my friend's wedding in Sacramento. I let my parents believe that I was still planning to go to the wedding, but that it would be just a day later when she had planned the parties with friends and family, when instead I actually went to Austin to visit my boyfriend that didn't even know I had been seeing.

The week before I was scheduled to go, I almost called it off with Paul. Things were getting pretty intense between us and I was feeling pressured into doing things that I would not have done on my own. I feel like I was in a pretty vulnerable state still while we were going out. I was still exploring and getting to know myself again and Paul liked to test my boundaries and push them to the limit. My initial reaction was usually, "Hell no." But with a little persistance I would give in.

I sensed that things would only escalate if we became more serious, but he seemed to think otherwise. I figured it was worth a shot and I followed through with my plans to visit him.

He was on his way back from SF that weekend and it turned out that we would be on the same flight from SL to Austin. I met him at the airport when his flight arrived and we spend the afternoon together while waiting for the later flight to Austin. It was within the first few hours that we realized that although we had kept in touch through emails, IMs and phone we still didn't know each other as well as we thought. We both agreed that it was not going to work out between us, but we figured we would make the best of our time together anyway.

Thanks for the dances Paul. I wish there had been more.

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