Sunday, October 15, 2006

What is Gained?

I got an email from my brother last night in which he addressed a few concerns about the church that I shared with him. They seemed to rid the church of an fault in the ordeal. Particularly the incidents of Blood Atonement. He pointed out that I could have found the information if I wanted to and that there must be another, personal reason why I have chosen not to believe. Perhaps that is true and once again that reason no longer exists.

I had a dream last night that I decided to either go on a mission or go to school at BYU while still being in the unbelieving state of mind. My family was all around me as I was settling into the dorm. They were all wondering why I would choose to do such a thing, knowing that I stopped going to church and that I don't have a testimony. How would I share my nonexistant testimony? and why would I feel the need to try?

I'm not sure if I am just now feeling the loss from abandoning the church or if I am feeling the loss from realizing that Paul and I will never work.


Gunner said...

Not to be a walking cliche, but there is a truth that must be talked about openly.A regular believing member can look at all of your reasons, and understand most of them. There is just one option that they cannot add to their list. The one that says "They found the church not to be true". For them to add that as a possibility, they must ponder the fact that even they could end up at that conclusion.

All other reasons for leaving are possible, just not that one.

It is a wall, that when hit, means true discussions are at an end.

Trixie Granny said...


You're right in that I do have other reasons for not returning to church, but the reason for me to even begin to question my faith, Paul, is not longer. I think I was kind of wishing for a moment that I could have stayed in my state of ignorance and remove this struggle with my family and friends regarding the church.

It's an emotional subject for both sides because if the church is true, then I am in a lot of deep shit. If the church is false, then they have been spinning their wheels for nothing and all hope is lost, so they think.