Saturday, May 06, 2006

Lost An X and Gained a V

I made an unexpeted friend recently and a not so surprising enemy.

It started when I sent what I intended to be an email of condolences to X last week. He has been having a hard time dealing with his brother's recent death. His brother has been dealing with drug problems for most of his life. X paid him a visit last summer because he knew that he wasn't doing well. When X found out that his brother was found dead in an abandoned building ten days after he died, X went into a deep depression.

I thought for some time about what I could say to him that might lift his spirits in even the smallest way. I could see that he was dealing with a lot of guilt. I decided to share with him my recent journey of leaving the church. I thought that maybe his choice to return to the church had brought back all his feelings of unworthiness and guilt, so I hoped that he could find a way to shed that.

Instead he was insulted. His response was, "I can't believe you tell are telling me now that you have left the church when that was one of the reasons that you left me." I thought we had an open relationship, but I guess it was only open as long as he thought that we would be getting back together.

A few days after I got his response, I got an email from his most recent ex-girlfriend. She is full of compliments and says she wants to get to know me because she noticed that we have a lot of similar interests, which is true. I'm open to meeting new people and my phone list of girlfriends is still pretty sparse, so I take her up for it. I asked if she has been to the new Sunday night swing dancing venue and I thought it would be a good place to meet some time. I also asked her if she would be willing to fill in some of the gaps for me in writing my book about X.

I found it strange that I got a response from X before I did from her regarding us meeting up. X asked me if it's true that we are going to meet and he goes on to say how she is unhealthy, and he does not want his son around her and that he had to call the cops on her two times and that she is out to turn every one against him.

When I replied to (her name will be ummm...let's just say V) V's next email I asked her why X already about what was said between us and why he would feel it necessary to warn me against her. She was hurt that he would say those things and explained that her and X are no longer speaking so our conversations will remain just between the two of us.

I got a second email from X, who I guess wasn't too happy that I still hadn't replied to his email. I was taking my time to reply because I knew that he was in a delicate state and what I wanted to tell him wasn't going to help that situation, so I was pndering how I could put it to him gently. From this email, it was obvious that he wasn't very concerned about my feelings because he said this. "You really are a piece of work now that you are Anti-Mormon! Enjoy the man you lust for. As for your book, it stops! Your drama...Good bye!"

Then he proceeded to block me so I could not reply. I sent a message to his personal email and said this...


Excuse me if I did not reply to your email as quickly as you expected. I was trying to think how to carefully tell you what I feel while also considering your feelings because I realize that you are fragile right now. But since you don’t feel it necessary to spare mine here it goes…

I regret sharing with you my recent experience. I thought that we had an open relationship, but I realize now that it was only open as long as you thought that I was going to get back together with you. I don’t know how else to explain to you that given the choice to make over again, I am not interested, and it has nothing to do with my parents. They would probably take that better than the news about my leaving the church.

I am still planning on writing the book with or without your help. I really hoped you would share your journal with me so that it could include your point of view, but I guess it will have to be left up to your friends to tell the story.

I did not tell you that I paid for your warrant in order to ask you for the money. I just couldn’t remember at the time you mentioned it whether I had paid it or not.

You really don’t know anything about my relationship with [Paul] for you to accuse me of lusting after him. You act as if there can be no love for either of us after the love we shared. I have healed and I am perfectly capable of loving and being loved. I hope you too can heal so that you can move on with your life.

Lastly, I hardly feel like I have any obligation to ask your permission when making a decision for the welfare of our son. You let us go several years ago and you have offered dang little support. Health insurance is a drop in the bucket compared to meeting his needs. Besides, I can get it from the state for free.


Conversely, V has been most open to answering my nosey questions about X to find out what he shared with her about his memory loss. She happened to know him while she was in High School and he was a substitute teacher for her art class. They even talked outside the class room and he gave her his number, but that's as far as it went. This was just before X and I met.

She is still dealing with getting over him a bit and I felt like there might be some things that I know about him that could help her out, so we have been taking turns. I even directed her to my blog, initially to read one that I read about X, but of course she can read whatever else may interest her.

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