I can't believe my mother is still giving me the "How to Catch a Good Man" lecture. I suppose I have been unsuccessful so far, which I can't deny, she' s right.
I have preferred my hair short since I was 7 , when I had my mother cut off at least a foot of my long, straight, brown hair. Then there was the time I spent a week away from my parents at EFY and had my friend, cut it in my dorm with a pair of paper scissors I bought at the book store.
Each time I cut my hair, my father reacted as though I were cutting off one of his own fingers. It broke his heart that I wouldn't let it grow. He has done so much as writing me a letter solely about the beauty of a woman's hair to a man and included a picture of my hair shoulder length so I could admire it's beauty. One time, he even bribed me with $100 to grow my hair out. I took him up on it. I got the money, dyed it black, then cut it off again a week later.
I have always known that short hair tends to attract a certain kind of man, the kind of man that I also find appealing. So, it would make sence for me to keep my hair short to attract that certain kind of man, right? Besides that, the few times that I let my hair grow long, (not necessarily purposefully, I simply didn't go get it cut and longer hair was the result.) my life always turned to shambles. It usually has to do with the breaking up of a boy, but not always. My solution was always to cut my hair. I suppose it's symbolic of ridding myself of the negativity or rejection. This cured me of my heartbreak and changed my attitude about my life. I concluded that the length of my hair was directly linked to my own happiness. I can recall several instances that back this theory. So, not only have my short hair styles been a way for me to be unique, bold, expressive, and fickle, but also as a matter of keeping my own sanity.
I was reading a survey recently about whether it's true that men preffer long hair to short. The majority of them said they do. A few mentioned that some girls also look great with short hair. I have been told by several people that I look good in short hair, so I don't think it's not a matter of it looking good on me.
A few days later I was waiting in a hair salon for a woman that I visit for work. I was reading some comments that a few men said about the pictured hair styles. They all favored the longer hair styles. In the same magazine I saw a picture of a girl with blonde hair about the same length as mine who they had permed her hair with tongue depressors. The effect was this kinky, frizzy, but tame poof. To look into the curls from the ends was like a spiralying triangle. I thought it was really fun and different. They suggested to get the same effect without perming it, to put gell in wet hair and let it dry to set.
I bought some popsicle sticks and started wrapping my hair around them. I told my mom about the picture and how they permed this girl's hair with tongue depressors. She seemed excited about it too. I told her that I would like to try to grow my hair out, but that I needed something to do with it in the mean time. She agreeded that a perm would be a good idea.
The popsicle sticks weren't quite as effective with making it kinky because it got wrapped with so much hair, but it did turn out very curly. I wore the massive Afro-curls in my hair today and I decided that I would like to try to perm it with the tongue depressors. I asked my mother if she thought that a salon would do it for me that way. Her response was, " a ehh, I don't think so."
So, I asked her if she would do it for me. Then I found out how she really felt about it. She thought it was childish and fadish.
"I know you never take advice from me....", she started. "But you are almost 30 years old. Why do want to try this childish, fadish hairstyle? When you wear your hair in such a way it is only attractive to 5% of the guys, and they are usually the ones that are a little bit wild, less reliable and not always worthy to take you to the temple. Why not wear your hair in a way that makes you look beautiful? You are beautiful. You need to let it show."
When I was born, the nurse flattered her by telling her that brown hair and blue eyes is a rare combination, she has believed that all these years. As if I have some advantage for being special in this way. Doesn't 1/5 of the caucasian population have brown hair and blue eyes? Which is about equal to the percentage that have my real name. If different is good, then why can't I be different in my own way?
"But, it's not ME." I retorted. "I like to do things a little differently than other people. "
"I know you are not ME, and I am not YOU. Be YOU, and be yourself. I know you never agree with me about style." She paused, then continued... "I want to tell you something, I'm not sure how to say this, but You, your father, Aaron and I, we are all connected. The things we do individually, affect the family as a while...."
"Are you trying to tell me that if I permed my hair with tongue depressors over rollers, I will not find a mate and continue to be a burden on you and the family?" I interrupted.
"Well, it could lead to that....."
I stopped listening after that. It was hard enough for me to already admit to myself that I needed to humble myself and grow my hair out to better my chances. How much more of my personality will I have to strip to find someone to love me? And is it really me that they would be falling in love with, or what I have made myself to be in order to catch them?