Sunday, August 13, 2006

The Secret is out

My phone rang from the pocket of my overalls as I was trying to fall asleep on my back in the single bed next to Guy. It was my brother. I had an idea what he would be calling about. He had just been informed by my ex-fiance that I was no longer going to church, that I had been dating a non-member, I wasn't always wearing my garments and I suspect that he may have divulged another secret that my brother didn't admit to.

My brother called to find out if what he had heard was true. I give him credit for coming to the source in search of the truth instead of taking Frank's word for it.

We talked for an hour until my phone died. He mostly wanted to let me know that he among other are concerned for me etc. He also asked me what my concerns are with the church. I shared some major points that came to mind like practicing of what they called 'Blood Atonement' in the early days of the church which was basically cold murder and totaly misinterpreted the purpose of Jesus Christ's Atonement, the contradictions of the BoM and the Bible and the lack of physical evidence to support the BoM and the geographical evidence that supports that he made up the story using the names of cities near by and stole portions of the story from another book he read, the castration of a young man who refused to give up his bride-to-be to a Bishop who already had over a dozen wives, the fact that there were actually more men than women in the church durring the time of polygamy (that was the only way I was able to previously justify polygamy in my own mind, by thinking that there were all these single mothers with no one to help support their families), the former treatment by the church towards blacks and gays, the similarities of the temple ordinances and the Free Masons plus the so called sacred penalties that were removed from the ordinance after a survey conducted by the church among the members who had attended the temple to find out how they felt about their experience in the temple and if and why they had not returned.....I may have mentioned a few other issues I have to him.

My brother had already made up his mind that he would try to resolve all of my issues with the church. He believes there must be an explanation to all of it so he asked me the question, "If you were to learn that the church is true, what would you do about it?"

Of course I told him that I would live my life accordingly. He was glad to know that I am interested in the truth. The problem is, I just don't believe that I will find it among the Mormons. Their so called "Truths" are based on Faith. A scientist cannot submit a new Law until he thoroughly tests his hypothysis and provides physical evidence. Even Jesus Christ understood that need. He came back to show his hands and feet as evidence that he had been resurrected. Where is the proof that any of the BoM ever existed? Where are the ruins or the bones of all of the thousands that died in the great battle? Where are these gold plates?

I'm sorry to be a sceptic, but I cannot go back to that way of thinking, of following in blind faith. Although I tried, God I tried, and maybe I was even close to being married in the temple but it seemed like a carrot on a string, so close that I could almost taste it and it was being passed from one guy to another and I would turn and run in whatever direction it was going or even in circles trying to reach it. The game got old and I realized that I don't even like carrots that much anyway.

Aaron was on a mission now to find answers to any and all of my questions and concers about the church. Kari aparently, has done some heavy questioning of the church while she was in college and knows a professor who seems to have all the answers. Aaron was sure that he would be a good source.

Aaron committed me to send him an email listing all of my concerns and citing all my sources from the internet.

I don't think I could find half of them again and I really didn't have the time to be concerned with trivial things but I told him I would. He is still waiting for that email, though I have at least gathered some previous posts from here that I thought would be helpful.

I was suspicious that they might have been reading my blog so I have been a little shy about what I share on here. I know now by their surprise that they obviously have not been reading. I don't know if this will enspire them to or not. I know I sent them the link when I first started my blog, not knowing that I would later wish to keep it private from them.

I asked him if he was planning to tell our parents. He felt like he couldn't hold them back much longer because of their suspisions about me moving out. I didn't see how that had anything to do with it all, but that is when my phone died.


emily said...

im really sorry to hear that you dont go to church anymore
i truly beleive it is the greatest blessing that has ever come into my life. i am 15 years old and my family was just sealed last month. standing in the sealing room i had the most reassuring feeling i have ever felt in my life. i have wondered before and even doubted but this feeling of comfort was the strongest feeling i have ever felt in my life. This gospel is truly amazing. It is true and full. i know that my redeemer lives. i know who i am and my purpose. i know why i get up at 5:00 every morning to go to seminary and i know i am greatly blessed because of it.i have been strengthened through my friends in the church and the church has gotten me where i am today. It has provided me with a strength to stand for what is right morally and to be a good clean person.i would like to correspond with you if you like. i understand if you wish not to but please accept this simple testimony of a teenager living in a world filled with evil trying to find some good.

Anonymous said...

In 5-6 years from now, remember this post and come back to read it.

After you have experienced life (or lack of it) your views will be monumentally different. The world when you're in your late 20's is MUCH bigger than it is when you're 15.

Joanne said...

You story is touching & informative. I hope that your family allows you to have the rights of all of us. The right to choose & worship in the way of YOUR CHOICE. I personally am NOT a mormon & do not agree with their beliefs. Best of luck to you.