I live for the next excuse to get dressed up. When I have no where to go, I just stay in my pajamas. When I lived in Provo I went out dancing several times a week. I would start at 7 to get ready. I started with a warm bath and shaved my legs. I put lotion and powder all over. I mended and ironed the dress I was planning to wear. I picked out coordinating jewelery and painted my nails, including my toe nails in a shade that complimented my outfit. I applied several layers of lotions and treatments on my face before applying makup, and I took time to strategically place every hair on my head.
Two hours later I would put on my vintage glasses, tie a scarf around my neck and pick a matching purse and jacket, then make the 40 drive into SLC. I would get there after it had been going for a while. This way everyone was warmed up already and I didn't have to stand around by myself staring at the other two people across the empty dance floor, or make a trip to the bar to buy a soda. Instead, I would walk right in like I owned the place, scan the faces for someone to dance with, then set down my things. On a good night I would be dancing before the song was over.
I miss having a reason to dress up for, especially when I thought someone special might be there. Where is my someone special? I still dress up, but it seems that women are the only ones that notice. I wish I could know better what men think of my appearance. I never get any feedback from them. Not even a sexy smile or a wink. Why is it that when I look at their faces there is no expression? What is it about me that turns them off? Is it knowing that I have a son? Is it the shape of my body? Is my hair too short? Am I too short? Too old?
Going to church makes me a little self concious. I feel everyone's eyes on my, but they don't say anything. I look just the same when I go out salsa dancing and the guys there can't stop telling me how beautiful I am. Perhaps they have different motives. Do they just tell a woman what she wants to hear so they can get her in their bed? I expect much of the time this is true. Are they so drunk that every womean there looks beatuful? I wonder if the only way for me to catch a member is to get them drunk or sleep depribed.