Tuesday, December 28, 2004

All Dressed Up

I live for the next excuse to get dressed up. When I have no where to go, I just stay in my pajamas. When I lived in Provo I went out dancing several times a week. I would start at 7 to get ready. I started with a warm bath and shaved my legs. I put lotion and powder all over. I mended and ironed the dress I was planning to wear. I picked out coordinating jewelery and painted my nails, including my toe nails in a shade that complimented my outfit. I applied several layers of lotions and treatments on my face before applying makup, and I took time to strategically place every hair on my head.

Two hours later I would put on my vintage glasses, tie a scarf around my neck and pick a matching purse and jacket, then make the 40 drive into SLC. I would get there after it had been going for a while. This way everyone was warmed up already and I didn't have to stand around by myself staring at the other two people across the empty dance floor, or make a trip to the bar to buy a soda. Instead, I would walk right in like I owned the place, scan the faces for someone to dance with, then set down my things. On a good night I would be dancing before the song was over.

I miss having a reason to dress up for, especially when I thought someone special might be there. Where is my someone special? I still dress up, but it seems that women are the only ones that notice. I wish I could know better what men think of my appearance. I never get any feedback from them. Not even a sexy smile or a wink. Why is it that when I look at their faces there is no expression? What is it about me that turns them off? Is it knowing that I have a son? Is it the shape of my body? Is my hair too short? Am I too short? Too old?

Going to church makes me a little self concious. I feel everyone's eyes on my, but they don't say anything. I look just the same when I go out salsa dancing and the guys there can't stop telling me how beautiful I am. Perhaps they have different motives. Do they just tell a woman what she wants to hear so they can get her in their bed? I expect much of the time this is true. Are they so drunk that every womean there looks beatuful? I wonder if the only way for me to catch a member is to get them drunk or sleep depribed.


cornnut32 said...

i really like this post. i can really relate to it.

now that i'm married it seems it doesn't matter how much time i spend getting ready, it doesn't usually get noticed.

i liked over from someone who visited a post i wrote about attending church, at normalmormons.com. i'm glad whoever it was posted it because i've really enjoyed reading this. thanks. :)

Anonymous said...

We might be able to answer your questions better if you had a picture of you on the post;-)

Smorg said...

"Going to church makes me a little self concious. I feel everyone's eyes on my, but they don't say anything."

I've been to a Mormon church 5 times now and it is always uncomfortable like that... especially with all those church leaders sitting in front, facing the congregation... and nobody would make any noise. I love it when the little kids start crying and wandering up and down the aisle out of boredom. They are like the only honest ones around.

But I'm not a Mormon, so maybe I'm being overly skeptical. O well.

Anyhow, guys don't tend to think about what the ladies are wearing too much unless they're wearing something really odd... or really short. ;) The figure registers more than what is covering it, I'm afraid. It most likely isn't personal. Guys are dense that way. :(

Thanks for posting! :)