Hypodancemic

It's been a long time since I have blogged. I guess I haven't had the need or the time lately. Not that I have the time right now, but I really have the need. I know no one follows this blog anymore, so I am not going to take the time to catch anyone up, except that I will say that I went back to school to become a nurse five years ago and I am just now working on my second and final year of the nursing program. For any of you that have ever attempted such a challenge while raising a family and working, you and only you could possibly know what I am going through.

It is an extremely stressful and demanding program. I have managed to get through the first two semesters with a lot of hard work and support from my family, ok and the State too. This semester though, has been trying to kick my butt before it even started. First of all my financial aid was delayed, which meant that my books were delayed. I received my med surge book a day before my first test. My computer is 10 years old and desperately needs an upgrade so that I can watch the online lectures in real time instead of slow-mo. I waited until the last semester was over before purchasing a computer because I didn't want the set-up or transfer to interfere with school. During the break, I found a great deal on a refurbished computer from Walmart online. I set it up and transferred any important files over.

The semester started and I thought I could get by without needing Word and just use Google docs, but that was beginning to eat up a lot of time having to email files to myself in order to open them and some were too big, etc. Plus I can't attach assignments in Google docs because my instructors don't know how to open them. I gave in and purchased Office at a student discount of $80. Before I could get it installed, my computer started crashing as soon as it was booted up. Craig is a super computer genius and figured out that there is something corrupt with the wires and they are overheating and causing a connection to fail. The best solution is to send it back. Well there went several days wasted, when I could have been studying.

I am required to work at least 15 hours/week in order to qualify for daycare subsidy, which would be impossible for me to go to school without. My employer had a lull in business right at the end of December and they only had one days worth of work for me, which was even ok for a while because it was a long day. Then they split it with my arch nemesis and then I was disqualified for daycare. I spent some time trying to find another job, but came up empty handed. I kept procrastinating after school started because I was already behind with my studies. How was I going to look for work and catch up with school and then go to work?

Last week my employer asked me if I could pick up Sundays along with Saturdays. This was perfect. It would be just the right amount of time I needed. Then I was asked if I could see a patient 20 miles away every day at the same time that I am supposed to be putting my kids to bed. Because 8:00 pm is just too late for the other young, single CNAs who live 5 to 10 miles away from the patient. I agreed to see the patient three nights of the week, but they would have to work out the rest. Oh, and by the way, we have mandatory training on Monday and Tuesday of this week for a total of 5 hours. Oh, and by the way, the TC is going to take three days off this week to go out of town for a family emergency and can I fill in for her? Shit! I only wanted 15 hours not 60!

It was an exhausting week last week and I am just sure they are going to ask me to see more patients again this week because one of their full time CNAs just left the country for a week for a family emergency and their only other part time CNA just got fired.

I know this blog post is just a huge boo hoo rant. Don't read it if it bores you. It's already boring me. I just have to get it out of my head so I can move on and get back to studying.

Before I can do that I need to express my undying desire to go dancing.I am having withdrawals. It used to be my stress reliever. I went twice a week and that was before I had kids or went back to school. I have tried several alternatives like Just Dance on the wii. It is loads of fun and something the kids and I can do together. I took a modern jazz class through school a few years ago, but they wanted me to do school assignments and stuff and then it ended.

The reason I haven't been is because of Craig. When we met, he said he wanted to learn to swing dance. He even came with me to a dance ... once. Later we started going to dance clubs, which was almost just as fun, but eventually we stopped going there too. Craig got sick and we didn't go anywhere for a long time. He has been sick for the last five years, so I haven't bothered stressing the issue. The few times that I got the nerve to ask, he would give me a lot of excuses and started sweating jealousy.

I started telling myself that when I finish Nursing School I will just go and do what I want because I don't have time for distractions right now anyway. Lately, I am feeling like if I don't get out to go dancing, then I may not make it through Nursing School. It became an issue last month when I blew up at Craig and ripped him a new one. It wasn't totally ineffective. He re-evaluated his medications and stopped taking his blood pressure medication, which was the cause of 80% of his adverse side effects. He talked to his Dr. to ask him about an alternative. He has been losing weight and it's helping his diabetes. Not only that, but he has agreed to quit smoking. He even set goals to reduce the number of cigarettes before he received his smoking cessation medication. The medication increases over a period of three months before the series is complete. He is finishing up the first month. He was put on anti-depressants because the last time he tried he was almost done when he became paranoid and suspicious to the point that he thought the vehicle behind him was following him and he was preparing to run him off the road. Fortunately, he snapped himself out of it. He is beginning to have suspicious ideas already. I'm glad that he is able to recognize the reason for his thoughts and address them right away to alleviate any worry. Because of this, I have been even more leery of asking him for permission to go dancing.

Today, I failed my fourth test out of four tests this semester. I had a small breakdown in the library after the test. I am trying to press on but I have this ridiculous notion that if I could just go dancing, everything will be alright.